First of all, through these scanty lines, I offer you heartfelt thanks for all your writings, as well as for the last one written on May 2, after reading which, and seeing from it your severe sufferings in soul and body, I heartily regretted it, and asked the Lord God for your help and admonition. I have previously instructed you to read a few lines in the book "On the Imitation of Jesus Christ", and even earlier in the book of St. Isaac the Syrian the 20th word; but you did not answer me anything to it, as if the Saints did not write for us. For this reason, rather than always suffering, and never getting married, I approve of your good idea of moving to another monastery; and, probably, I believe that the new place will most calm you, and enlighten you, and teach you patience and humility, without which it is impossible for anyone to be saved. Meanwhile, I will tell you that only those who are humble in heart enjoy peace of mind! However, even they are sometimes not free from sorrows; but they endure their sorrows magnanimously, not reproaching anyone for anything but themselves, saying: "It is good for me, Lord, for Thou hast humbled me, and I am worthy of no rest for my sins." And humble people, who are not satisfied with anything, murmur against everyone and mentally, and sometimes pronouncedly, reproach and condemn everyone, therefore salvation is far from such sinful people!

And so, may the Lord God fulfill your long-standing desire, and may He hasten to fulfill it; and for this reason may he dispose your good relatives to provide you with sufficient means of support; for in regular monasteries one must have a lot of money, that is, one must hire a cell for oneself, and buy firewood and food, and have clothes and shoes and lighting from oneself, and in addition to this one must also have hired servants. Therefore, I advise you to think about all this in advance. I wanted to write all this paper to you, but the incessant visitors take up a lot of my time, and it is also unreliable to postpone the letter until another free time; moreover, with my slowness in answering, I can tire you to the point of exhaustion, and therefore be satisfied with how much is written.

On the occasion of my meeting with my good parents and with my dear brothers and sisters, I ask you to testify to them my high reverence and love for Christ Jesus and to declare that I love and remember all of them, and rejoice when they are doing well, and when they go astray, I regret it!

246. It is inadmissible to ask the Lord to end one's life's path

I had the pleasure of receiving your letter from your much-sighing soul, written on March 19, to which, at your request, I hasten to reply. You ask me to pray for your speedy death; but I have come into difficulty from this request of yours; for how can we ask God for that which is not pleasing to Him: since the continuation of life is the continuation of God's mercy to man, then how can we ask for the cessation of it? To this I answer you with the word of Christ: I do not know what I ask! It is better for God to change not your life for death, but your impatience for complacency, and good will be for you! St. The Apostle Paul, although he wanted to be released from the body, did so out of great love for Christ, in order to be closer to Him! And you, it seems to me, are asking out of impatience, i.e. if any insect bites you slightly, then at once you will call death to yourself! Would it not be better to ask the Lord for patience: Lord, give me patience, generosity and meekness! And if I pray according to your desire, then God will hit me, a reckless worshiper, on the head for you.

Secondly, do you ask me to appoint a time for you to come to us? But I cannot make any appointments; and as God arranges, and Mother Abbess tells you, then come in the name of the Lord.

April 1, 1857

247. Meeting the Birthday — Remembrance of God's Mercy and His Long-Suffering for Us

Today's feast day of the Holy Great Martyr George has reminded me that in past years I sometimes wrote letters to you on that day, and therefore even now a desire to write has been aroused in me. But the Holy Great Martyr is on horseback, and I am on foot, to congratulate you on this feast, and on what is coming on this feast, that is, on your birthday; but I don't know if I'll be in time. In the meantime, I fervently wish you to greet your holy birthday with a joyful and reverent heart before God; for the continuation of life, in spite of the illnesses, sorrows and many sorrows that befall us, is the continuation of God's mercy to man, for which he must thank the Lord God from the depths of his soul! Of course, there are such clever men in the world who are burdened by life and wish themselves a speedy death, but we will not imitate them in this. They, not knowing well, do not know what they wish for themselves, and what they ask for? It behooves them to say Christ's word: "I do not ask for anything!" The Lord God graciously listens to the prayer that His humble servants pronounce to Him: "Fruitlessness in vain, my souls that are so pained, have patience with Christ, and do not sow me, like that cursed fig tree!"

Seeing from your letter that from the day of the Bright Resurrection of Christ, your soul became light and joyful, I rejoiced heartily and thanked the Risen Christ, Who illumined you with His light! And when despondency, impatience, murmuring at everything, despair and anguish come upon you, like a dark cloud, then my heart is filled with sorrow for you; It is especially sad for me to read that you, due to a lack of humility and Mother Abbess, sometimes reproach her, about which, as St. Climacus remarked, the demons rejoice; and therefore grant you, O Lord, attentiveness, not to make them laugh like this again!

April 23, 1858

248. A damp cell is not the main calamity

The New Passion-Bearer of Christ! Save thyself in the Lord!

First of all, I congratulate you on the coming New Year, which may be a favorable summer for you, and may the Lord grant peace to your heart, health to your body, and salvation to your soul; and spiritual consolation to alleviate sorrows. I wish you all this with all my heart.