My dearest and most honorable benefactor!

Be Saved in the Lord

Your dear writings, with your sincere confession, I had the consolation to receive in due course, which is why for all this I bring you my great gratitude. Your sincere confession and opinion of me not only do not grieve me in the least, but I thank you for it; for it is in accordance with my own constant opinion of myself. It means that we are unanimous with you. I wish that others did not think too highly of me; it would be closer to my goal. If anything has saddened me, it is the descent into hell that you feel, which you feel not from the place you inhabit, and not from the way of your present life, but from the lack of Christ's humility in your spirit, and from the fact that you are not ready to break your iron will and submit it to the will of God; and therefore sugar is not sweet to us, like manna by the ancient murmuring. Let us, most dear matushka, in the words of the Holy Hierarch of Christ Demetrius, thank God that our soul is not in hell, but in a holy monastery, which in all justice we are not worth for our many and grave sins. If we think otherwise, we must be rebuked, so that we may not die in madness. And for this fault, in the midst of your correction, God will forgive you; in the same way, I, unworthy, with all my heart forgive you and absolve you; wherefore be good-natured, and merciful unto me.

When you move to your new cells to live, then all the nonsense that now rests you like water from a goose will roll down; for the master of the house, like Adam in Paradise, will live happily without sickness or sighing.

After this, I testify to you my love and true high reverence for the Lord, and I remain your eternal worshiper and servant, I. Anthony.

August 22, 1850

253. All Humility Will Be Rewarded

Reading your letters, and seeing from them your present long-suffering life, which is painful in my heart for you, and I pray to the Lord God that He, by the command of His mercy, would moderate your suffering and rejoice your heart with the joy of salvation. Apparently, the Lord allowed melancholy to come upon you, so that you, who sow with tears, would reap joy. And therefore blessed are you who weep; for God Himself dwells with those who weep, according to the assurance of St. David, who says: I am with him in sorrow.

The holy word written by you: "For the sake of Jesus Christ I endure all things" – I kissed sweetly; therefore, O God, confirm this word, and with His all-powerful help strengthen you on the path you have chosen.

254. On the Sorrows of Soul and Body Permitted by the Lord

My most venerable and merciful benefactor in the Lord!

Pray in the Lord!

Reading your letter, and seeing in it the many sorrows of the soul and bodily illnesses described by you, I grieved in my heart, and asked and prayed to the Lord God for your help, intercession and deliverance. But from all that you describe, I see that the Lord God loves you and keeps you with Himself, otherwise you would have died long ago from faint-heartedness and impatience. Let us thank the Lord God that He preserves us and does not reward us according to our sins. If we sometimes endure sorrows, it is more and more from ourselves - from our sins, from our carelessness and from the spittle of the devil; Where will we flee from the devil? Where shall we hide from ourselves? For where we are, there is trouble at once. However, by God's mercy in me, I now live much more peacefully in spirit than I am against you; but for what excruciating pain I endure in my legs! so that even the unbeaten one almost cries out with impatience; For if I go to church for two or three days for a service and stand still, then at once a face opens in both legs, inflammation and unbearable pain occur, from which I pass my nights without sleep. But there is enough to talk about this; but I will say that for me the coldness and inattention to you are very pitiful..... For which we will not commemorate them dashingly, but rather say: forgive those who hate and offend us, O Lord! And besides, if it were in your power, then it seems to be good for you to pretend that you do not notice their coldness and inattention to yourself; and do not tell anyone that they despise you. And also, according to the advice of the wise Solomon, do not often bring your foot to them, but only on great feasts, and then by invitation; and with those who are close to them, no time should be lost, bow and go; and with the other sisters to have only an answer to the question. And after that, believe me, everyone will love you, as well as me, with all their hearts.

255. Through humility and suffering, the Lord leads us into His Kingdom