"How is your mother?"

"It's bad, Geronda. From time to time, her temperature rises very high, and this causes her unbearable pain. Her skin cracks, becomes covered with wounds, and at night she cannot sleep

"You know, such people are martyrs. If not completely martyrs, then half for sure.

"And for her, Geronda, her whole life is one continuous torment.

"So the reward she will receive will be extraordinary. Do you know how much she has to get? Paradise is guaranteed to her. Seeing that a person can endure a serious illness, Christ gives him this illness, so that for a small suffering in earthly life a person will receive much reward in heavenly eternal life. He suffers here, but he will receive reward there, in the next life, because there is Paradise, and there is recompense.

Today a woman came with kidney disease. She has been going to hemodialysis for many years[103]. "Father," she asked me, "please cross my hand. There is no living space in my veins, and I can't even do hemodialysis normally." "These wounds and sores on your hands," I said, "will in another life be turned into diamonds of greater value than the diamonds of this world. How many years have you been going to hemodialysis?" - "Twelve," she answered. "Therefore," I replied to her, "you have the right to both a [spiritual] "lump-sum allowance" and a "minimum pension". Then she showed me the wound on the other hand and said: "Father, this wound does not close. You can see the bone through it." - "Yes," I answered her, "but through her you can also see the Sky. Be patient, I wish you good patience. I prayerfully wish that Christ would increase His love in you and that you would forget about pain. Of course, I can wish you something else: that your pain subsides, but then many rewards will disappear. Therefore, what I wished you first is better." From these words the unfortunate woman received consolation.

When the body is tested, the soul is sanctified. The body, our adobe house, suffers from the disease, but the owner of this house - our soul - will forever rejoice in the heavenly palace that Christ prepares for us. According to this spiritual logic - which is illogical for the people of this world, I also rejoice and boast of those bodily diseases and flaws that I have. The only thing I don't think about is that I'm going to get a heavenly reward. I understand [my pain] to mean that [through it] I am paying for my ingratitude to God, because I have not responded appropriately to His great gifts and blessings. After all, everything in my life is one continuous [spiritual] feast: both my monasticism and my illnesses. God treats me humanely in everything, He condescends to me in everything. But pray that He will not write all this down to me for this life, for then woe is me, woe is me! Christ would do me great honor if I suffered even more for the sake of His love. If only He would strengthen me so that I could endure [this pain]. And I don't need retribution.