"So the reward she will receive will be extraordinary. Do you know how much she has to get? Paradise is guaranteed to her. Seeing that a person can endure a serious illness, Christ gives him this illness, so that for a small suffering in earthly life a person will receive much reward in heavenly eternal life. He suffers here, but he will receive reward there, in the next life, because there is Paradise, and there is recompense.

Today a woman came with kidney disease. She has been going to hemodialysis for many years[103]. "Father," she asked me, "please cross my hand. There is no living space in my veins, and I can't even do hemodialysis normally." "These wounds and sores on your hands," I said, "will in another life be turned into diamonds of greater value than the diamonds of this world. How many years have you been going to hemodialysis?" - "Twelve," she answered. "Therefore," I replied to her, "you have the right to both a [spiritual] "lump-sum allowance" and a "minimum pension". Then she showed me the wound on the other hand and said: "Father, this wound does not close. You can see the bone through it." - "Yes," I answered her, "but through her you can also see the Sky. Be patient, I wish you good patience. I prayerfully wish that Christ would increase His love in you and that you would forget about pain. Of course, I can wish you something else: that your pain subsides, but then many rewards will disappear. Therefore, what I wished you first is better." From these words the unfortunate woman received consolation.

When the body is tested, the soul is sanctified. The body, our adobe house, suffers from the disease, but the owner of this house - our soul - will forever rejoice in the heavenly palace that Christ prepares for us. According to this spiritual logic - which is illogical for the people of this world, I also rejoice and boast of those bodily diseases and flaws that I have. The only thing I don't think about is that I'm going to get a heavenly reward. I understand [my pain] to mean that [through it] I am paying for my ingratitude to God, because I have not responded appropriately to His great gifts and blessings. After all, everything in my life is one continuous [spiritual] feast: both my monasticism and my illnesses. God treats me humanely in everything, He condescends to me in everything. But pray that He will not write all this down to me for this life, for then woe is me, woe is me! Christ would do me great honor if I suffered even more for the sake of His love. If only He would strengthen me so that I could endure [this pain]. And I don't need retribution.

When a person is in perfect order in terms of health, it just means that something is wrong with him. It would be better for him to be sick with something. I received such benefit from my illness that I did not receive from the entire feat of asceticism, which I performed before I fell ill. Therefore I say that if a man has no duties [towards others], it is better for him to prefer illness to health. Being healthy, a person remains in debt, but from an illness, treating it with patience, he will receive a reward. When I was living in a coenobitic monastery,[104] a holy bishop came there one day, a very old one, named Hierotheos. He was in retirement and asceticized in the skete of St. Anna. When he got on his horse as he rode away, his trousers pulled up and everyone saw his terribly swollen legs. The monks who helped him mount his horse felt terrified. The bishop understood this and said, "These are the best gifts that God has bestowed upon me. I ask Him not to take them away from me."

Patience in pain

When we are sick with something, it is better for us to give ourselves completely to Christ. We need to think about the fact that our soul has a much greater need for patience and praise in times of pain than for a "steel" body, with the help of which we can perform great bodily feats. For from these feats we are exposed to the danger of vanity and boasting, without realizing it, because it may seem to us that we are capable of conquering paradise by our own "cavalry charge."

Do you know how many years I have been in pain? Sometimes it can be endured, and sometimes it is unbearable. Pain that can be tolerated is a stable condition. You know how much I have suffered from bronchiectasis[105] and from the operation performed on me! Then all these stories with the intestines began. Then for six months I suffered from an interdiscal hernia and experienced severe pain. I could not make as many prostrations as I had done before, and despite the fact that it was even difficult for me to take care of myself, I had to help the people who came to me. Then something hard appeared in my stomach, and I was told that it was a hernia. When I got tired, it began to hurt and became very swollen. Once, on the eve of the feast of the Holy Great Martyr Panteleimon, the hernia swelled and ached. However, I had to go to the Panteleimon Skete for the all-night vigil. "I'll go, and come what may," I decided, because I had to be at this holiday. During the vigil I wanted to sit down a little, but I thought that if I lowered the seat of the stasidia and sat down, then all the others would sit down. Therefore, I preferred not to sit down at all and stood. After the twelve-hour all-night vigil, I thought that my condition would deteriorate greatly. I had hardly returned to my cell when someone knocked on an iron riveter near the gate. "Open, father!" - I heard someone's voice. I laughed. "Well, that's it," I said to myself, "now just have time to turn around." And indeed: soon others came, then visited again and again. And in the evening, when I had dismissed the last visitors, I saw that my hernia... completely disappeared! But the next day, after I had rested, she reappeared! Then it bothered me and hurt me, but at the same time it gave me joy. After all, Christ knew about my condition, He also knew what would benefit me. Therefore, He left me this hernia for five years. Do you know how much I suffered with her?