The train was moving slowly, the weather was rainy, the day was gloomy, matching my mood. They drove in silence, thoughtlessly looking out of the window, behind which bare trees, bushes, telegraph poles floated by. Lena was reading a book. I stopped looking out the window, stared angrily at the corner of the compartment, scolding myself and cursing myself for cowardice, spinelessness, that I had agreed to go to an unknown priest. How can it help? Will he return what was lost? What nonsense, I have already heard many words of consolation.

The train came to the city, reached home, pulled the bell handle. An elderly woman opened the door, greeted me warmly and said: Just in time for dinner, come in. Father Arseny said that you would come. What nonsense, how could he know about our arrival? I became even more embittered, and a big cat was annoyingly tangled under my feet, which was even more annoying. We undressed, washed our hands, and went into the dining room. A large room, a long table and chairs around the table and near the walls, there was no one in it. Lena kissed the woman who met us, calling her Nadezhda Petrovna, and went out somewhere. Strangers began to enter the dining room, Lena came, introducing me to enter. Everything in me was bubbling with anger, indignation at Lena and myself. Why am I here? Dine at someone else's house? To see an unknown priest, to talk to him about something, what is it for? My great grief will still remain with me.

We sat down at the table, I was seated next to a man about my age, saying that his name was Georgy.

A priest of above average height, thin, with a kind but tired face, entered. He greeted me, read a prayer before the meal (dinner), blessed, I did not cross myself. What was being talked about at dinner, I forgot, the nasty cat rubbed against his legs and annoyed, I wanted to throw him away with my foot. Dinner was over, we read a prayer, everyone began to disperse, only Fr. Arseny and I remained in the dining room. Getting up from his chair and coming up to me, he said: "Let's go."

As if I was half-asleep, he sat me down on the sofa and said: Tell me why you came to an unknown priest. That's when I burst out, almost with screaming, anger, hatred and even insults, I began to speak. He sat silently, I kept talking, probably repeating myself, and kept repeating: Why? She was tired, spoke out and looked at the priest with surprise. Where are the words of consolation, comfort, where is the spiritual help promised by Lena?

Father Arseny stood up, silently adjusted the lamps, lit a few candles and, coming up to me, said: Get on your knees. I got up without a murmur and knelt down. Putting his hand on my head, he began to read prayers, many times calling my name, my daughter Anna and my mother Natalia, then he himself knelt down and began to read a prayer to the Most Holy Theotokos [4]: My Most Blessed Queen, my hope to the Mother of God, protector of the orphaned and strange, protectress of the offended, salvation to the perishing, consolation to all who sorrow, see my misfortune, see my sorrow and anguish. Help me when I am weak, strengthen me who suffers. You know my offenses and sorrows, resolve them, stretch out your hand over me, for I have no one to rely on, only You are my protector and intercessor before the Lord, for I have sinned immeasurably and am sinful before You and people. Be me, my Mother, a comforter and helper, and save me, drive away from me sorrow, anguish and despondency. Help, Mother of my Lord. And he read: Today, faithful people, we spiritually triumph, glorifying the zealous Intercessor of the Christian race, and flowing to Her most pure image, we cry out: O Most-Merciful Lady Theotokos, grant us unexpected joy, burdened with sins and sorrows, and deliver us from all evil, beseeching Thy Son Christ our God to save our souls (troparion to the icon of the Mother of God Unexpected Joy).

The words of the prayers were read clearly, distinctly, the warmth and extraordinary penetration of Fr. Arseny's voice for the first time in my life brought to the very depths of my soul the innermost, the ardent breath of prayer to the Most Holy Theotokos, the protector and protectoress of us sinners. In the morning, afternoon and evening, choose a time, whether at home, at work, on the road, and read these prayers, and She, the Mother of God, will definitely help you. Go to church more often, where there is a miraculous icon of Unexpected Joy, read the akathist. There is no need to say any words of consolation, no reasoning about your grief, these prayers contain all your earthly sorrow, pray. Come to me with Lena, and, carefully taking me by the shoulders, having previously blessed, led me to the door.

In the morning I confessed early and took communion, at confession Fr. Arseny said: Your grief is enormous, it has no measure or comparison, you are the mother and wife of the lost, but neither you nor I know the will of the Lord. The pain is enormous, and I, Priest Arseny, understand this, but I bow before the will of God. Only He, yes, yes, only to Him are open the paths of human life. The Fathers of the Church said that the Lord calls man to Himself in the best moments of life. Pray for the departed, read prayers to the Most Holy Theotokos, and remember the two most important commandments of the Lord: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind: this is the first and greatest commandment; and the second is like unto it: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself; on these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets (Matt. 22:3740). Entering the dining room, look at the faces of those sitting. Many of them bear the burden of great sorrow, but they are calm, because they believe in God. In the evening, you sat next to Georgy Alekseevich at the table, he suffered great grief. His daughter and wife were killed, having previously abused them, but look how he endures it, he is in deep sorrow, but all in prayer.

This confession was unusual, I never confessed like that. I began to tell, and with two or three half-questions, he revealed the most hidden, carefully hidden from everyone and even from myself, which I had tried never to remember before, and now I was telling the priest. And I could not keep silent, I saw and understood that Fr. Arseny knew what lay at the bottom of my conscience, and if I did not say something, I felt incomplete repentance and returned to what I had lost.

I understood a lot of things that were layered in my relationship with my deceased husband Nikolai and my mother differently, saw my mistakes and even began to perceive the death of my son and husband differently. Confession with Fr. Arseny seemed to have lifted the veil separating my soul from the faith, and many things had to be rethought and spiritually reevaluated. I was infinitely grateful to Lena for bringing me to Fr. Arseny, it strengthened our friendship even more, new interests and topics for heart-to-heart conversations with Yuri and Lena appeared.

It was lunch, evening came, we gathered for dinner, the conversation was about church news, the health of Natalia Petrovna, unknown to me, about methods of herbal medicine. Father Arseny also took part in the conversation, ate very little, wanted to drink two cups of some infusion, but the doctor, who was called Lyuda, took the second cup from him, saying: Father Arseny, you are my spiritual mentor, but now you wanted to deceive me and drink more than you should, and I forbid it, you can't drink more than one cup with your edema. The people around him smiled. The big cat that used to annoy me jumped on everyone's lap, climbed up to me and licked my cheek.

Suddenly, the bell rang desperately, Nadezhda Petrovna excitedly rushed to open the door, a noise was heard in the hall, fragmentary exclamations, the door to the dining room opened with a crack, and he did not enter the room, but a huge man rushed in, dragging two large bags in his hands, with a backpack on his shoulders and a long bundle under his arm. Throwing everything on the floor, he put his hands for a blessing, and impulsively stepped towards Fr. Arseny. Father! Father Arseny, bless me, and, having received the blessing, he grabbed Fr. Arseny in an armful and began to kiss him, and we saw tears flowing down the faces of the noisy giant and Fr. Arseny, the joy of meeting was mutual. Then a big man approached Nadezhda Petrovna (the mistress of the house and the spiritual daughter of Fr. Arseny), lifted her by the shoulders, repeating Petrovna! Petrovna!, kissed him tightly and went in a circle, always kissing and saying something to everyone, now picking someone up, now just hugging. He came up to me, picked me up, kissed me tightly and for some reason said: Masha is good, but not ours, don't worry, dear, you will soon find a place for yourself, he put me on a chair and went on.

He was so huge, noisy and surprisingly good-natured that it was impossible to be offended by him, and everyone was glad to see him, although later I realized that Fr. Arseny, Dr. Yulia and Nadezhda Petrovna knew and loved him, and everyone else saw him for the first time. Well, now I'll get down to the gifts, I've been fishing in the Astrakhan estuaries for two weeks. Untying a long bundle, he took out a huge sturgeon, perhaps stellate sturgeon, handing it to Fr. Arseny, he was like this before smoking and spread his arms wide almost to the opposite wall. Daniil Matveyevich! Cut your hands, you will break through the wall with sturgeon," said Fr. Arseny, smiling. So I am a fisherman, we, fishermen, caught a pike in a third of a meter, and we always show in a meter, fishermen only catch large fish. Those sitting at the table laughed. Well, now everyone has a gift, the first one, Petrovna, for you, and you take out a three-liter jar of black caviar, caught it yourself, salted it yourself, lick your fingers, but I know, Petrovna, you will feed the guests and Fr. Arseny. He went around all those sitting and gave each of them a huge piece of sturgeon or a jar of black or red caviar. He came up to me, looked carefully and said loudly: Is it the first time you came? Yes, yes, I answered. I see, in sorrow, great grief, you will open this bundle in Moscow, give a jar of black caviar to a sick mother, but to your daughter. He lifted me up from my chair again and kissed me three times. Do not be sad, dear, the Lord is merciful, pray to Him

No one treated me like that, but it was impossible to be offended by Daniil Matveyevich, he was too direct. But how could he know about my grief, my mother and daughter? It seemed to me that Fr. Arseny was also surprised by this. Nadezhda Petrovna fed Daniil Matveyevich, the evening tea was over, general conversations did not last long, they agreed on when someone would leave, about meetings in Moscow.