On June 21, 1999, the rector of St. Tikhon's Orthodox Theological Institute, Archpriest Vladimir Vorobiev, asked me to write memoirs about my meetings with the Elder Hieromonk Arseny. I rashly agreed. Why recklessly? When I came home, looking through the book Father Arseny, written by his spiritual children, who had long and closely communicated with him from 1920 until his death in 1975, I realized that I could add only a little to the beautiful things that had already been written. After all, I first met Father in Moscow in 1961 and then met him eleven or twelve times only in Moscow, when he lived with his spiritual children for two weeks after treatment in clinics. I always came with my wife Elizabeth, she already knew Fr. Arseny well and went to see him in the city of R., now you can write Rostov (Northern) [27].

The longest of my meetings with Fr. Arseny was in 1967 and lasted more than three hours, a small part of the conversation was devoted to personal problems, and the main part was devoted to questions from the priest about the community led by Fr. Sergei Mechev (everyone knew the community called Maroseyka) and about the bishops and priests with whom we met in life, but I will write about this later. Although the rest of the meetings were short-lived, I entered Fr. Arseny as one person, and left as a completely different person, who received new spiritually renewing instruction, advice, help, and clarification of the perplexities that arose. Memory fades at the distance of the past years, many things are forgotten, but I am obliged to fulfill the promise I made to Fr. Vladimir, for what was said should not be broken.

Before writing, remembering, I went to the bookshelf, looked at how many editions of Father Arseny's book had been published, and saw that in Russia, since 1993, six editions have been published, with a total circulation of about 500,000 copies, two editions have been published in Greece in Greek, two in the United States in English, and there is a report that the book is also published in France. Such a number of publications in Russia and abroad, as well as huge circulations, have made this book one of the most widely read among Orthodox Christians, and this is the merit of the Orthodox St. Tikhon Theological Institute and the Brotherhood in the Name of the All-Merciful Savior, which laid the foundation for its publication and wide distribution) among the faithful.

I will have to tell you a little about the community led by Fr. Sergius Mechev and about my personal life, because it is connected with the mention of the name of Fr. Arseny, which I first heard in 19381939.

In the 192030s, Fr. Sergius Mechev discussed the question of ordaining nine brothers of the community to the secret priesthood by Bishop Athanasius (Sakharov). Three brothers were already ordained: Fyodor Semenenko (he was from Maroseia and Podkopaevsky), Herman and Georgy. But Vladyka Athanasius found himself again imprisoned in the camp, and Fr. Sergius said with regret: We did not have time, but Vladyka ordained ten brothers to the priesthood of Hieromonk Arseny. Now we are negotiating with Bishop Manuel (Lemeshevsky), he is ready to consecrate the brothers of our community. Of the nine, Bishop Manuel consecrated five: Roman, Boris, Peter, Constantine, and I don't remember the name of the fifth. But after a while, all those initiated by him were summoned to the Lubyanka, three received sentences, two denied initiation, were subjected to severe physical pressure and were released, but were under constant surveillance. The strangest thing was that Bishop Manuel twice came to the house of those who denied the consecration and asked them to confess to the authorities (??).

Bishop Manuel did not know about the proposed consecration of four more brothers, three of them had already been ordained to the priesthood under Patriarch Alexy I, but in different dioceses, and in 19451946 they served in churches. I learned all that I am writing about now only in the fifties, for even the initiates did not know which of the other brothers was to become or had become a priest. It was a terrible time, and secretly ordained priests celebrated home liturgies with a limited circle of people, who were forbidden to report the names of priests and the services performed. That's how we lived in those years.

The second time I heard the name of Fr. Arseny was in 1940, after the Liturgy at a trapeza at our home. My wife Elena (Lelya) and I lived in a separate two-room apartment (on the mezzanine of a three-story house at 14 Maly Kozikhinsky Lane), so we had secret liturgies served twice a month on Sundays, celebrated by priests of closed churches who were hiding from arrest or by secretly ordained priests. The Liturgy of 1940, as well as all those present at it, are well remembered by me. Usually, only members of the Maroseia community were invited to such services, but sometimes members of other communities were also invited, in whose loyalty there was no doubt. To make everything clear, I will say that the composition and number of those invited was determined not by the owners of the apartment, but by a person specially designated for this purpose in the community (it was Sima Seraphima Solovyova), we ourselves could invite only two people, our friends. Seraphim established the order of attendance at the liturgies by brothers and sisters. The community was led by Fr. Sergius Mechev, the son of the famous Moscow elder Fr. Alexei Mechev, whose spiritual son I was a 12-year-old boy and confessed to him. In 1939, Fr. Sergius lived in the city of Kalinin (Tver) under the supervision of the NKVD. I went to see him many times, sometimes Father secretly came in the summer to the Mtsyri station of the Oktyabrskaya Railway, where many met him in the forest. Father Sergius was the spiritual father of Lelya and mine, and he also blessed us for the marriage.

I will return to the Liturgy that took place at our home. It was performed by Fr. Alexander, a humpback, of short stature and indeed a little hunchbacked, I do not know his name, he had previously been a priest in the Podkopaevsky Church, then closed. He lived, or rather, hid in different apartments in Moscow or went to the city of Borovsk, where he later died of pneumonia during the occupation of the city by the Germans. Fr. Alexander served the Liturgy with us many times. Not tall, almost small, with a constantly kind and affable face, he was bright and radiant, and very much reminded me of the elder Fr. Alexei Mechev. Everyone who knew loved him. When I confessed to him, I told him about my sins without strain, without the slightest effort, without embarrassment, as if I were telling myself, and from every word and gesture of Fr. Alexander emanated kindness and forgiveness. Fr. Alexander was an amazing man and priest.

The liturgy ended, the communicants congratulated each other, and everyone took communion. A table is set, cups and plates are arranged, everyone sits around the table, Lelya and I begin to give everyone water and food. I peer at all the familiar faces, except two. Present at the Liturgy were: Elizaveta Zamyatina, her cousin Lyudmila Diligenskaya, later the secret nun Seraphima, philologist and director, Zoya Pryanishnikova, the daughter of Academician Pryanishnikov, Pavel Olenin, the composer's son, Elena Sergeevna Volna khina, the daughter of the sculptor (the author of the monument to the first printer Ivan Fedorov), who secretly came from Orel or Rybinsk, Andrei, the spiritual son of Fr. Mikhail Shik, Yuri and Kira, and, of course, Lelya and I. Father Alexander knew all of us when he met at services, but he saw Yuri and Kira for the first time, just as I did, and turned to them with the question: Who is your spiritual father? Our father, Hieromonk Arseny, was in exile all the time, and is now imprisoned in a camp. Father Alexander asked something more clarifying, saying: I met Hieromonk Arseny more than once in 19251927, but I was not yet a priest then. I know, I know.

As you have already understood, I had heard about Hieromonk Arseny twice before 1958, but I did not attach any importance to it and did not expect to meet him.

In 1960, the cousin of my second wife Elizabeth, Lyudmila Diligenskaya (in the secret monasticism of Seraphim) invited Lisa to go to the city of Rostov to the Elder Hieromonk Arseny, and it was then that I heard about the Elder for the third time. There were three of them who went to Rostov: Lyudmila, Elizaveta and Kira. After her first visit to the priest, she told me about him with deep heartfeltness, for from almost 1941 to 1960 we did not have a spiritual leader in the full sense of the word. From that time on, Lisa went to see Fr. Arseny twice a year, but always accompanied by Lyudmila or Kira, he did not let her go alone. I did not go to see Fr. Arseny. I worked two jobs, got up at six in the morning, worked until 4:30 p.m. at one and quickly drove to the second and came home at 10:15 p.m., only had time to have lunch and went to bed tired. Lisa did not work after marriage, took care of the household, raised her son Alexander.

My first meeting with Fr. Arseny took place in January 1961, when I was given a two-room apartment in an unsheltered working-class area, and we lived on the Arbat in a communal apartment, and Lisa could not decide whether to move or not, she did not like the new area. We came to Fr. Arseny together, he listened to us and blessed us to move. Our meeting took place at the apartment of Yuri and Kira Bakhmat, and later we almost always met with Fr. Arseny at their place, rarely at Lyuda or Natalia Petrovna's.

The second meeting was long. Tell me about yourself, Fr. Arseny told me, and I began to tell them in detail. He spoke with sorrow about his deceased first wife Elena. Starting from 1930, she was a disabled person of the second group of double heart disease, valve damage. She received a pension and worked part-time at home, typing. I fell in love with Lelya, she did not agree to be my wife, but after my long persuasion and the blessing of my spiritual father, Fr. Sergius Mechev, she married me on July 17, 1936, all the time painfully worried that her illness was spoiling my life, but this was her deepest mistake.

A philologist by education, she could not work in her specialty. She came to the community of Fr. Sergius in 1924 together with her friends: Alexandra Tsurikova (later the wife of Priest Fyodor Semenenko), Irina Sveshnikova, and Valentin Ivanov. Here, after the difficult experiences associated with the death of her mother, she found peace of mind and the spiritual guidance of Fr. Sergius, many real, good, kind friends, with whom she was friends until her death. They were Maria Nikolaevna Sokolova (nun Juliana), who taught her icon painting, but not only her, but many brothers and sisters of the community, Elena Maydel, Zoya Pryanishnikova, Pavel Olenin, Tatiana Kupriyanova (later the wife of the secret priest Boris Vasiliev), my sister Elena Apushkina-Bykova (later the wife of Priest Konstantin Apushkin), Maria Alexandrovna Zalesova, Archpriest Peter Gnedich, a teacher at the Leningrad and then Moscow Theological Academy, and many others. Elena lived in a community and lived in a community, she was a person of extraordinary kindness, faith, prayerfulness and constant help to people around her. Beginning in 1934, a great and close friendship arose between his wife and Elizaveta Zamyatina, Fr. Sergius's favorite spiritual daughter and one of the active sisters of the community. Elizabeth was always present at all the liturgies celebrated in our home. In addition, three times a week we read Vespers, Matins, Hours, akathists, and Liza, Pavel Olenin, Zoya Pryanishnikova, and, of course, my wife Elena, the landlady of the apartment. I came home from work late and almost always found the end of the service.