In the "Frank Tales of a Pilgrim" it is said that three paths lead to God: a slave, a hireling, and a son. When a person abstains from the sins of "fear for the sake of torment," it is unsuccessful and fruitless, such is the way of a slave who is guided by the fear of punishment. The path of a mercenary is associated with the desire to earn a reward for himself. "Even desires for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven, if someone begins to perform feats," exclaims the pilgrim, "then the Holy Fathers call this a mercenary deed. But God wants us to follow the path of our sons to Him, that is, out of love and zeal for Him, to behave honestly and enjoy the salvific union with Him in our souls and hearts." In the past, there may have been three roads leading to God, but now, by the end of the twentieth century, it has become clear that the first and second are dead ends; Walking along them, you can only come to a nervous breakdown, destroy yourself and many people around you.

And yet, even we ourselves sometimes scare each other that God will punish us for something. "God punished," we say of people who have had something happen if we think they deserve to be punished. It turns out that we fear God, like the Greeks fear Zeus, the Egyptians fear Amun, and the Romans fear Jupiter. And at the same time, we do not notice how we ourselves become pagans.

And yet, it is impossible without the fear of God! This expression occurs many times in the Bible, and it is certainly not accidental. It is only necessary to understand what this fear is, which teaches wisdom (Proverbs 15:33), leads away from evil (ibid., 16:6) and leads to life (ibid., 19:23), it is pure (Psalm 18:10), and, above all, consists in hating evil (Proverbs 8:13). However, this is not a horror of God or a fear of punishment. God does not watch or watch over us, but we can easily hurt Him.

To the question of what the fear of God is, the Bible in Latin, the Vulgate, gives an exhaustive answer. For a thousand years of history, the language of Horace, Tibullus, Ovid and other great poets of mankind has accumulated a huge vocabulary, Latin words convey the subtlest shades of meaning where almost any other language would be powerless. One Greek word "phobos" (fear) in Latin is "pavor", "metus", and "terror", but there is also the word "timor", and it is this latter word that translates the word "phobos" when it comes to the fear of God. "Timor" (hence the French "timide" and "timidement") is joyful timidity or fear of hurting, offending, or losing. It is very important to understand this in order for our spiritual life and our life in general to become normal.

I am afraid of the wolf or the rhinoceros, but when I see birds in the garden, I am also afraid, but I am afraid to frighten them away with a loud voice or sudden movements. Someone is afraid of their mother, because she can whip her, and someone else is afraid to upset or upset their mother. This is where the difference lies between a purely human fear of something terrible and that fear of God, which is the most precious treasure for all of us.

Those angry Orthodox young people of the 1990s, for whom religion is primarily associated with fear of the Ustav, of breaking the fast or committing some other sin, gloomy, stern, outwardly resembling monks and nuns, today have chosen the path of the slave. It is clear why: in Soviet times, we were slaves for too long, so now it is difficult, even almost impossible, for us to get rid of the slave mentality. But this is necessary, otherwise we will lose faith, as our great-grandfathers and grandfathers lost it, who rejected God, because they saw a lack of freedom in God. You can understand them. Rejecting God with their minds, they pushed their way to Him with their hearts; rejecting the lack of freedom, they yearned for God, but they did not know that the one they needed so much, whom they lacked so much, was Him, and not someone else.

The atheists of the end of the last century, who went to the hinterland, became there zemstvo doctors, midwives and teachers, were a thousand times closer to Jesus than the puffed-up hunters and officials who did not miss a single mass. But these wonderful young men and women of our past, who could have become real saints, in their hearts burning with God, alas, rejected Him in their minds, not only did they not accept Him, but they despised and even hated Him. In fact, they did not reject God, but only the slavish path to Him. So why are we now turning back onto this dead-end road?

Servants (?) of God

Считая, что мы ходим в Церковь именно из-за страха перед наказанием, неверующие люди полагают, что религиозность унижает человека, подавляет его «я» и вообще делает нас рабами. Это действительно так, если видеть в страхе Божьем страх перед карой, наказанием или возмездием. Тех, кто так его понимает, религия на самом деле закабаляет и превращает в рабов. Мы знаем тому множество примеров, ходить за которыми далеко не надо. Однако, если мы понимаем, что страх Божий — это не pavor или metus, а timor, вера наша дает нам крылья, открывает перед нами новые возможности и новые горизонты, дает новые силы. Именно в христианстве невозможное становится возможным. По слову Иисусову: «Человекам это невозможно, но не Богу; ибо все возможно Богу» (Мк 10:27).

В связи с этим уместно будет вспомнить и то, что слово «эвед», что значит служитель или соработник Божий и одновременно отрок, то есть ребенок, который уже вырос, но еще не совсем. С ним уже можно общаться как со взрослым, но при этом еще можно заботиться о нем как о ребенке — вот что такое «раб Божий»!

Один американский физик, прочитав в «Русской мысли» мою статью «Вера или идея», прислал мне письмо, в котором высказывает недоумение по поводу моих слов о том, что христианство начинается с коленопреклонения. Слова эти и стоящий за ними тезис мне очень дороги. Но… прочитав его письмо, я постарался взглянуть на эту фразу его глазами, взглядом образованного, умного и даже доброго ученого, который, однако, ничего не знает ни о христианстве, ни о богослужении, ни о мистическом опыте в христианстве. Взглянул и увидел, что эта фраза для человека, который ничего не знает о христианстве изнутри, а все только снаружи, изображает человека, задавленного или рабски склоняющего колени перед иконой в темном храме.

Да, именно так может быть понято коленопреклонение христианина, если смотреть на него снаружи. На самом деле, однако, в нем выражается не рабская зависимость, покорность или страх, а совсем другое чувство — восторг: «Яко возвеличишася дела Твоя, Господи, вся премудростию сотворил еси» (Пс 103).

Это то чувство, которое удивительно полно выражено в прокимне, поющемся на вечерне в субботу «Господь воцарися, в лепоту облечеся» и далее.