6. What I, in my inability, have tried to prove concerning repentance, namely, that it is to be received once and for all, is true of all those who have entrusted themselves to the Lord, for they all seek salvation by pleasing God. But this is especially true of those converts who, as soon as they have begun to nourish their ears with divine speeches, crawl uncertainly, like blind newborn puppies, and say that they renounce their former life and accept repentance, but do not try to obtain its fulfillment. In this they are hindered, by forcing them to desire the former, a certain limit to desire. This can be likened to fruits that have already begun to spoil and become sour or bitter, but are still able to delight with some remnant of their pleasantness. In addition, the sin of delay and evasion in relation to repentance also creates a wrong idea about baptism. For being sure of the undoubted forgiveness of sins, they lose time and remain in sin, instead of reforming themselves and sinning no more. What an absurdity it is to expect the forgiveness of sins without repentance. This is the same as pulling your hand for a purchase without paying. After all, this is the price that the Lord set for forgiveness: He invited us to restore innocence by paying repentance. And just as a merchant sees to it that the coin he receives in payment is not cut, scraped, or counterfeit, so we believe that the Lord, who promises to give us such a great reward as eternal life, first tests our repentance. But let us be silent for now about true repentance! Is it possible, I think, that our correction will become clear only when we are declared innocent? By no means. But when punishment is sought for us, and there is still no certainty of forgiveness, when we have not yet earned freedom, but can only deserve it, when God still threatens us, and not when He forgives us. For what slave, after he has come out of slavery to freedom, will impute to himself his theft and his escapes? What soldier, exempt from military service, will worry about the misdeeds he has committed? Before forgiveness, the sinner must mourn himself, for the time of repentance is a time of threat and fear.

I do not deny that divine beneficence, that is, the annihilation of sins, is salvific for those who enter the water of baptism, but it is necessary to work to achieve it. For who will sprinkle you, a man of such uncertain repentance, with the most ordinary water? It is not difficult to sneak up and mislead the baptizer with your assurances. But God cares for His treasure and will not allow the unworthy to get to Him. What does He Himself say? There is nothing hidden that is not revealed (Luke 8:17). No matter how dark you may be covering your works, God is light. Some believe that God can be forced even by the unworthy to give what He has promised, and His freedom is turned into slavery. If He has to forgive us our mortal duty, He does it against His will. But who will not agree that everything allowed by God against his will is short-lived? Do not many fall away afterwards? Is not this gift taken away from many? These are those who have crept in, and, admitted to faith through repentance, build their house on the sand, which is destined to collapse. Therefore, let no one delude himself that it is lawful for him to sin, since he is counted among those who are beginning to learn. As soon as you know God, you must have fear; as soon as you look at Him, you should feel reverence. What is the use of your knowledge if you give yourself up to the same thing as before, when you knew nothing? What is the difference between you and a perfect servant of God? Do the baptized have one Christ, and the catechumens [123] another? Are the hope and reward offered to the one and the other different, is the fear of the Judgment different, is the need for repentance different? This washing is the sealing of faith, and faith begins and is evidenced by faith in repentance. We are baptized not in order to stop sinning, but because we have already stopped, already washed in our hearts. This is the first baptism of the listener — in reckless fear. From this, since you know God, come a sound faith and a conscience turned to repentance. If we cease to sin only after baptism, then we do not put on the garment of innocence voluntarily, but out of necessity.

If anyone thinks so, then I do not know whether the baptized person is not more grieved that he has ceased to sin than he rejoices that he has escaped sin.

Thus, catechumens should desire baptism, but not anticipate it. For he who wills honors, and he who anticipates reveals pride. In one is humility, in the other – insolence. One cares, the other neglects. One wants to deserve, the other appropriates for himself as something due. One receives, the other captures. Whom do you consider more worthy, if not the one who is more perfect? And who is more perfect than the fearful, who, consequently, has been imbued with true repentance? For he is afraid to sin, lest he be unworthy of baptism. And the other, who anticipated it, is not afraid, because he has appropriated it to himself and is therefore safe. But he did not fulfill repentance, for he is deprived of the means of repentance, that is, fear. To receive something prematurely is a property of audacity; it fills the beggar with pride and contempt for the giver. Therefore, it is often misleading, since it promises before what is due, as a result of which the giver is always offended.

7. How good it would be, O Christ Lord, if Thy servants were to hear only the instruction that it is not fitting for catechumens to sin, and that they did not know repentance at all and did not need it. as if we admit that there is still time for sin. Let no one interpret this teaching as if the possibility of sin is open to him even now (since there is still an opportunity to repent), and let not the abundance of heavenly meekness awaken the lust of human folly. Let no one become worse because God is infinitely good, and let him not sin as many times as he is forgiven. And the one who does not stop sinning will see that he can no longer be saved. Once we escaped punishment; but if we avoid it again, we will find ourselves in great danger. Many people, having escaped from shipwreck, then part forever with both the ship and the sea, and they honor the blessing of God, that is, their salvation, with the memory of the danger they have experienced. I praise their fear, I love modesty: they do not want to trouble divine mercy again, they are afraid to show disregard for what they have received. Undoubtedly, their anxiety is good, with which they avoid re-experiencing what they have once learned to fear. Such restraint and caution are evidence of fear. Well, to man for fear, to God for honor.

However, this most stubborn enemy never calms down in his anger. On the contrary, he is especially furious when he sees a person completely free; it is especially inflamed when it is powerless. He has to grieve and lament that, with the forgiveness of sins, so many works of death have been destroyed in man, so many signs of his former condemnation have been blotted out. He grieves that he and his angels will be judged by the servant of Christ, the former sinner [124]. Therefore he guards, attacks, besieges, whether it is not possible to wound the eyes with carnal lust, or to entangle the spirit with the charms of this world, or to abolish faith by fear of earthly powers, or to divert from the right path by false teachings: he has no lack of temptations and temptations. Foreseeing this harm of his, God, when the door of condescension was closed and the bolt of baptism was drawn, deigned to reveal to us something else. He placed a second penance on the threshold in order to open the door to those who knocked on it, but to open it only once, for the attempt is made a second time, and never to open it again, because the previous attempt failed. Wouldn't this attempt be enough? You are given again what you do not deserve, because you have lost what you have received.

If God's forbearance enables you to regain what you have lost, then be grateful for this repeated blessing, especially since it is a great blessing, for to give again is more than just giving, as it is a greater misfortune to lose than not to have at all. However, one should not immediately weaken and lose heart from despair, if the need arises for a second repentance. One should be ashamed of a new sin, and not of a new repentance; one should be ashamed of a new risk, not a new liberation. Let no one be ashamed! If the disease recurs, repeated treatment is necessary. You will be grateful to the Lord if you do not reject what the Lord gives you. You have offended me, but you can still reconcile. You have One Who will willingly forgive you.

8. If you doubt this, consider what the Spirit has said to the churches. He accuses the Ephesians of forgetting their former love, accuses the Thyatirans of fornication and eating things sacrificed to idols, complains of the Sardians that their work is not finished, Pergamos rebukes the believers for false teaching, and accuses the Laodiceans of trusting in riches. And yet the Spirit calls them all to repentance, even though He threatens them [126]. He would not have threatened the non-repentant if He had not had mercy on the penitent. One could doubt this, if He did not show His inexhaustible mercy in other places. He says: "Does not he who has fallen rise up, and he who has gone astray is not converted? (Jeremiah 8:4). God is the One Who desires mercy rather than sacrifice (Hos. 6:6). The heavens and the angels who dwell there rejoice in the repentance of man. Rejoice, sinner, and be of good cheer, for you see where they rejoice at your return! And what else do the testimonies of the Lord's parables try to explain to us? For example, a woman lost a coin, searched for it, and found it, and called her friends to rejoice with it—does this not resemble a converted sinner? [127] The shepherd also lost his way, but the whole flock was not dearer to him than it: he seeks it alone, desiring it more than anyone else, and finally finds it and carries it on his own shoulders, because it is weakened in its wandering. Nor will I keep silent about that meek father who again summons his profligate son and willingly receives him, who has repented after the need he has endured, kills a well-fed calf and makes a feast in joy [129]. Why not? For he had found his lost son, and he considered him dearer to him whom he had regained. Who should we understand by this father? God, of course, for there is no other Father so full of love. Therefore He accepts you, His son, although you have squandered what you have received from Him and are returning naked, because you have returned, and will rejoice more in your return than in the prudence of another son. But only if you repent from the bottom of your heart, you will compare your hunger with the satiety of your father's hired men, if you leave behind the swine, the unclean animals, if you turn again to the Father whom you have rejected, saying: "I have sinned, Father, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son" (Luke 15:21). Confession of sins diminishes them as much as pretense increases them. For confession testifies to the desire to reform, and pretense speaks of stubbornness.

9. As difficult as it is to repent a second and last time, it is just as difficult to make repentance leave no doubt. It is necessary that repentance be brought not only in conscience, but also through some action. This action, more often expressed and denoted by the Greek word, is public confession (exomologesis), in which we confess our sins to God, not because He does not know them, but because confession prepares forgiveness, repentance is born from confession, and God is propitiated by repentance. Thus, public confession teaches a person humility and humility, obliging him to behave in a way that is attractive to charity. As for the appropriate clothing and way of life, at this time one should be dressed in rags and lie in ashes, polluting the body with impurities, and immersing the spirit in lamentation, and with bitterness reflect on one's sin. You should eat only simple food and drink, and then not for the pleasure of the belly, but for the maintenance of life, fast and pray more often, wail, weep and cry out to the Lord your God day and night. We should bow down before the elders, bow our knees before the beloved of God,[130] and try to obtain intercession before all the brethren for the fulfillment of our forgiveness. All this constitutes a public confession, intended to make repentance pleasing, to induce worship of God for fear of destruction, so that, by condemning the sinner himself, it may fulfill the part of God's indignation, and eternal punishment may become, if not superfluous, at least changed. Thus, by overthrowing a person, public confession elevates him all the more; when it soils it, it restores its purity; accusing – justifies; by condemning, it liberates. As much as you do not spare yourself, so much, believe me, God will spare you.

10. However, many avoid public repentance, not wishing to reveal it in public, or postpone it from day to day. I suppose here they are more anxious for shame than for salvation, like those who avoid physicians when they feel pains in the parts of the body which are supposed to be forbidden, and thus perish with their bashful blush. It is unbearably shameful, you see, to apologize to the offended Lord, thereby preparing oneself for the salvation that was lost. You are very modest when you open your face to sin, and hide it to ask for mercy! I leave no room for the color of shame where its loss gives me much, where it itself encourages the person, saying: "Do not pay attention to me, for your sake it is better for me to die!" But among brothers and converts, where there is common hope, fear, joy, sorrow, suffering, because there is one common Spirit from the one Lord and Father for all, how can they be considered anything other than yourself? Why do you avoid your companions in misfortune as if they were some kind of mockers? The body cannot rejoice in the suffering of one of the members; it inevitably suffers wholly and contributes to healing. Both you and he, we are all the Church, and the Church is Christ. Consequently, when you fall down on the knees of the brethren, you touch Christ, you beseech Christ. In the same way, when they shed tears over you, Christ suffers, Christ beseeches the Father. It is always easy to fulfill what the Son asks. Needless to say, a great gain for modesty promises a hidden sin! If we are able to hide something from human attention, then can we really hide it from God? Is it really possible to compare man's opinion of us with God's knowledge? Or is it better to be secretly condemned than openly acquitted? They say that the trouble is to proceed to public confession. But only through evil do they get into trouble, and where it is necessary to repent, there is no trouble, since repentance serves salvation. The trouble is when they cut, cauterize and torture with some caustic powder. However, in that which, although unpleasant, brings healing, harm is tolerated because of its healing properties, and it is even recommended to endure suffering for the sake of future benefit.

11. But it happens that in addition to shame, which is considered the main cause of indecision, one is also afraid of bodily burdens, that one will have to be unwashed, smeared, and in coarse rags lie on terrifying ashes, without any joy in the soul, with a face sunken from fasting. But is it proper for us to pray for the forgiveness of sins in scarlet and Tyrian purple? Hurry up and take pins for styling hair and tooth powder, take iron or copper scissors for cutting nails! Smear your cheeks and lips with paint for shine, for a fake blush! Find a more pleasant place, in the gardens or by the sea, and settle there, increasing your expenses, looking for a bird bursting with fat and strained old wine. And if anyone asks you why you are so luxurious, answer: "I have sinned against God, and I fear that I may perish forever! That is why I do not know what to do, I am exhausted and tormented, in order to be reconciled with God, who has been offended by my sin." But people who seek office are not ashamed or lazy to achieve what they desire, exposing themselves to all kinds of privations, both for soul and body, and not only to privations, but also to outright insults. What humiliating clothes they do not wear! What reception rooms are filled to greet the host, even in the middle of the night, or immediately after dinner! At every meeting with a more important personage, they seem to decrease in stature, and are not seen at feasts, they keep away from festivities and deprive themselves of free happiness and joy. And all this for the sake of a short-lived pleasure lasting only one year! And we, in view of the danger of eternal torment, still doubt whether to endure what the aspirant endures axe and fasces! Should we hesitate to impose restrictions on ourselves in food and clothing in the face of the offended Lord, when even pagans do this, without offending anyone? This is who the Scripture reminds us of: Woe to him who imposes his sins as on one long rope! [131]

12. If you still doubt the expediency of public repentance, imagine the hell that it has extinguished for you personally, and so that you do not doubt the need for treatment, imagine the severity of the punishment. What must this abyss of eternal fire be like, when its small vents are blazing with such flames that the neighboring cities have either already perished or are expecting the same fate any day now?! Under the pressure of the inner fire, the highest mountains are splitting! And the fact that they, although split and fragmented, never cease to exist, is not for us a proof of the eternally lasting Judgment? Who would not find these torments of the mountains a clear example of the Judgment threatening everyone? Who will not agree that these sparks are only the eruptions of some vast and immense hearth, as if they were its test arrows? Thus, you know that, in addition to the first bulwark against hell, which is given at the Lord's baptism, you also have a second remedy, in the form of public repentance. So why do you neglect your salvation? Why are you delaying to embark on what you know will bring you healing? Even dumb and mindless animals, when necessary, seek for themselves God-ordained remedies. A deer wounded by an arrow knows that it should be treated with an ash tree in order to remove the tip with a curved point from the wound. A swallow, if it has blinded its chicks, is able to restore their sight with a "swallow root" [132]. And the sinner, knowing the public repentance given by God for his healing, bypasses it, although it was this that restored the Babylonian king to the kingdom! For a long time he repented before the Lord, performing public repentance, and for seven years he did not take off his sackcloth, when his nails also grew like lion's claws, and his hair, due to neglect of them, gave him a terrible aquiline appearance. What self-deprecation! But whom people shunned in fear, God accepted [133]. On the contrary, the king of Egypt undertook to persecute the people of God, who had long been in enslavement, when they did not want to return them to God. In spite of such great signs of plagues, Pharaoh rushed into battle and perished in the newly closed waters of the parted sea, which opened the way only for one people. For Pharaoh rejected repentance and the very method of its implementation—public confession.

Is it necessary to continue the discussion of these two boards, as it were, of human salvation, being more concerned with the mode of expression than with the duty imposed by conscience? Since I am sinful all around and was born for nothing else but to repent, I cannot keep silent about this, just as Adam himself, the ancestor of both the human race and the offense of the Lord, Adam, who was returned to paradise precisely through the public confession of sins, is not silent.

On the Testimony of the Soul