Many years ago, when I wanted to leave home, my parents, my sister, my acquaintances, and, what is even more difficult, from the habit of a luxurious life, and go to Jerusalem for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven, I could not leave the library that I had compiled in Rome with such care and labor. And so I, accursed, fasted and intended to read Tullius. After frequent sleepless nights, after tears, torn from the very depths of my soul by the memory of former sins, I still held Plautus in my hands. A little sometimes I came to my senses and began to read the prophets, I was horrified by the lack of raw speech; With blind eyes, not seeing the light, I thought that it was not the eyes that were to blame, but the sun. When the ancient serpent was playing with me in this way, almost in the middle of the Forty Days, a fever spilled over my emaciated body and, without giving me rest (which is even incredible), devoured the unfortunate limbs so much that I barely had bones left. The funeral was not far away; the vital force of the soul, with a completely cold body, throbbed only in the barely warm chest; how suddenly, raptured in spirit, I was presented to the Throne of the Judge, where there was so much light, so much brilliance from the brightness of those around me, that when I fell to the ground, I did not dare to look up. When asked who I was, I called myself a Christian. But the One Who Sat said: "You lie, you are a Ciceronian, and not a Christian; for where your treasure is, there is your heart" (Matt. 6:21). I fell silent, and under the scourges (for He commanded me to be beaten), still more tormented by the fire of conscience, I repeated the verse in my mind: In hell, who will be known to Thee? (Psalm 6:6). Then he began to cry out and, weeping, said: "Have mercy on me, O Lord, have mercy on me." These sounds were heard among the blows of the whips. Meanwhile, those who stood before me, falling down on the knees of the One who sat down, begged Him to forgive the sin of youth and instead of error to give place to repentance, in order to punish me later if I ever began to read works of pagan literature. Placed only under this condition, I, who was ready to promise much more, began to swear and, calling on the name of God, say: "Lord, if ever I have secular books, if I read them, it means that through this very thing I have renounced You." Released after these words of oath, I return to earth, to the surprise of all, and open my eyes, so abundantly filled with tears, that even incredulous people, seeing my sorrow, should have believed my story. It was not a fainting, not an idle dream, such as we often laugh at. The witness was the Throne before which I lay, the witness was the Last Judgment, which I feared, so that I would never again be subjected to such a test. I confess that I even had blue shoulders, I felt the pain of blows after sleep, and since then I began to read the Divine with such zeal as I had not read secular things before.

Also avoid the vice of covetousness, and not only do not appropriate what is not yours (for this is punished even by social laws), but do not even guard what is yours, as if it were someone else's to you. If in the things of others, it is said, you have not been faithful, who will give you yours? (Luke 16:12). Piles of gold and silver are strangers to us; our possessions are spiritual; it is said of him: "With his riches a man redeemeth [his life]" (Proverbs 13:8). No one can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one and love the other; or he will be zealous for the one, and not care for the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (Matt. 6:24), that is, wealth. For in its native, Syriac language, mammon means wealth. Concerns about food are obstacles to faith. At the basis of covetousness lies pagan care. But you will say: "I am a gentle girl, and I cannot work with my own hands. Listen to what Jesus says to the apostles: Do not be anxious for your soul what you will eat or drink, nor for your body what you will wear. Is not the soul more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns; and your Father in heaven feedeth them (Matt. 6:25-26). If there are no clothes, look at the lilies. If you are hungry, listen to Him Who blesses the poor and the hungry. If any other sorrow burdens you, then read: "I am pleased in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:10), and "A thorn in the flesh, an angel of Satan, has been given to me to afflict me, that I may not be exalted" (2 Cor. 12:7). Rejoice, O thou in all the decrees of God. Rejoice in the daughter of Judah, for Thy destinies, O Lord" (Psalm 96:8). Let it always be heard from your mouth: "Naked I came out of my mother's womb, naked and I will return" (Job 1:21). And we brought nothing into the world; it is evident that we can take nothing [out of it] (1 Tim. 6:7).

But now you will see very many people stuffing their wardrobes with dresses, changing their tunics every day, and still not being able to get rid of moths. Another, in order to appear more pious, wears only a dress, and in full chests she keeps all kinds of fabrics. Parchment is painted purple, gold glitters in the letters, the binding is decorated with precious stones — and behind the doors, a naked Christ dies. When they stretch out a hand to someone in need, they blow the trumpet. They invite you to the supper of love — they send a herald. I have recently seen one of the noblest women of Rome (I am silent about the name, lest you think that I am writing a libel), preceded by eunuchs in St. Peter's Basilica, distributing a coin to each of them in St. Peter's Basilica, in order to be considered more pious. Meanwhile (as is often the case with beggars) an old woman, covered with gray hair and rags, ran ahead to get another coin. The latter, when she reached her in order, gave her a fist instead of a denarius, so that the poor old woman's blood flowed. Covetousness is the root of all evil, and for this reason the Apostle calls idolatry. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all this will be added to you. The Lord will not kill a righteous soul with hunger. A young man, for he is old, and hath not seen the righteous man, and beseecheth less than his seed bread (Psalm 36:25). The Elijah carried food into the wounds. The widow of Zarephath, herself and her children intending to die of hunger the next night, fed the prophet; and he who came to her to feed her, nourished her from a miraculously inexhaustible vessel. The Apostle Peter said: "I have neither silver nor gold; but what I have, I give unto thee: in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, arise and walk (Acts 3:6). And now many, without saying a word, say in deed: "I have no faith and mercy, but what I have, silver and gold, I will not give you." Having food and clothing, let us be content with these things (1 Tim. 6:8). Listen to what Jacob asks in his prayer: "If God be with me, and keep me in this way in which I go, and give me bread to eat, and clothes to wear" (Gen. 28:20). He prayed only for what was necessary, and twenty years later he returned to the land of Canaan as a rich lord and an even richer father. Innumerable are the examples in the Scriptures that teach us how to avoid covetousness.

However, since we have now touched upon this subject (hoping, if Christ helps, to reveal it in a special work), we will also tell you what happened a few years ago in Nitria. One of the brethren, more thrifty than covetous, not knowing that the Lord had been sold for thirty pieces of silver, left a hundred solidi, which he had acquired with flax yarn, as he died. The monks (up to five thousand of them lived in that place in separate cells) gathered for advice on what should be done. Some said: to distribute to the poor, others to give to the church, some to send to relatives. But Macarius, Pamba, Isidore and others, who were called fathers, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, determined to bury them together with their owner, saying: "Let thy money perish with thee" (Acts 8:20). Let no one think that such an act was cruel: such fear was found on all Egypt as a whole, that it was considered a crime to protect even one solidus.

Since I have mentioned monks and I know that you are willing to hear about holiness, stop your attention for a while. There are three kinds of monks in Egypt. The first is the Kinovites, called by the natives "sauzes"; we can call them coenobitic. The second is anchorites, who live one by one in the desert and are so called because they go far away from people. The third is the so-called remobots, gloomy, untidy; They are exclusively or mainly located in our country. They live in twos, threes together, no more, and live according to their own will and their own means, only from what they earn, they contribute part to the pool, in order to have a common table. They live for the most part in cities and castles; and as if their trade and not their life should be sacred, whatever they sell is always more expensive. There are often quarrels between them, because, living on their own dependents, they do not tolerate being subordinate to anyone. It is they who most often argue over fasts, make domestic affairs the subject of litigation. Everything is made up of them: wide sleeves like furs, boots, the coarsest clothes, frequent sighs; they see maidens, revile the clergy; and when the feast day comes, they are satiated to vomit.

And so, passing by them as by some contagion, let us go to those who live in communities in multitudes, that is, to those who are called, as we have said, Cynovites. Their first condition is to obey their elders and do whatever they command. They are divided into tens and hundreds, so that in ten people the tenth is the chief, and the hundredth has ten ten chiefs under him. They live separately, but in interconnected cells. Until nine o'clock, as is customary, no one goes to another, except to the ten-commanders mentioned above, so that if anyone is overwhelmed by thoughts, he uses their advice. After nine o'clock, they come together, sing psalms, and read the Scriptures as usual. At the end of the prayers, when everyone is seated, the one whom they call father, standing in the middle, begins a conversation. During his speech, there is such silence that no one dares to look at another, no one dares to cough: praise to the speaker is expressed in the weeping of the listeners. Tears roll quietly down her cheeks, and sorrow does not break out even with a groan. And when he begins to proclaim the things to come, of the Kingdom of Christ, of the future blessedness and glory, you will see everyone with a restrained sigh and eyes raised to heaven, saying within yourself: Who will give me a wing, like a dove, and I will fly, and rest? (Psalm 54:7). Then the meeting is over, and each dozen with his senior goes to the table, at which they serve in turn. There is no noise during the table; No one is talking. They eat bread and vegetables, which are seasoned with salt alone. Wine is drunk only by old people, for whom dinner is often with youths, in order to support the advanced age of some and not to delay the incipient age of others. Then they get up at once and, having sung a hymn, disperse to their homes, here until evening everyone talks to his friends and says: "Have you seen so-and-so? How much grace is in him! How much quietness! What a humble step!" They see the weak, they console him, and those who burn with love for God are urged to a greater podvig. And since at night, in addition to the common prayers, everyone is still awake in his bedchamber, they go around all the cells and, putting their ears, carefully find out what is being done. When they notice someone lazy, they do not reprimand him, but, pretending that they do not know, they visit him more often and at first ask rather than force him to pray. Daily chores are arranged as follows: what has been done by the ten-commander is reported to the steward, who himself gives an account of the common father every month with great trepidation. He also tastes the food as it is prepared; and since it is not lawful for anyone to say, "I have no undergarment, no outer garment, no bed woven of reeds," he arranges everything in such a way that no one is deprived of what he needs. If someone falls ill, he is carried to a spacious chamber and the elders serve him with such zeal that he does not even think about the comforts of the city and about the cares of his mother. Sundays are devoted only to prayer and reading; however, the Kinovites do the same at any time after the end of their labors. Something from the Scriptures is read every day. Lent is the same throughout the year, except for the Forty Days, on which it is supposed to live more strictly. From Pentecost, supper is changed to dinners, in order to preserve the Church tradition and not burden the stomach with two meals. Philo, a follower of the Platonic school, and Josephus, that Greek Livy, represent the Essenes in the second part of the history of the Jewish captivity.

Although in my letter about the virgins I have now spoken almost unnecessarily of monks, I am also approaching their third kind, called anchorites. Coming out of the coenobia, they take nothing else with them to the desert except bread and salt. The founder of this way of life is Paul, the founder is Anthony, and if we go up, the first culprit was John the Baptist. Even the prophet Jeremiah describes a man in the same way, saying: "It is good for a man when he bears the yoke in his youth; he sits alone and is silent, for He has laid it on him; puts his mouth in the dust, [thinking]: "Perhaps there is still hope"; he offers his cheek to him who smites him, he is satiated with reproach, for the Lord does not forsake him forever (Lamentations 3:27-31). Their exploits and way of life, which are not carnal in the flesh, I will describe, if you wish, at another time. Now I will return to my subject, since I have passed from the discourse on covetousness to the monks. Having presented them to you as an example, I say: "Despise not only gold, silver and other riches, but even the earth and heaven itself, and in union only with Christ you will sing: 'My part is the Lord.'"

Then, since the Apostle commands us to pray always, and with the saints even sleep itself is prayer, we must distribute the hours for prayer in such a way that, if we happen to be busy with some work, the very time will call us to worship. Everyone knows the third hour, the sixth, the ninth, the dawn and the evening. Let them not partake of food without first praying; do not leave the table without offering thanks to the Creator. We must get up twice and three times at night and repeat what we firmly remember from the Scriptures. Let prayer protect us when we leave the guests. When we return from the square, let prayer greet us before we sit down: let not the body rest until the soul is nourished. In every deed, at every step, let the cross of the Lord be depicted with the hand. Do not condemn anyone, do not put a stumbling block against your mother's son. Who art thou, who condemn another man's servant? He stands before his Lord, or falls. And he will be raised, for God is able to raise him up (Romans 14:4). If you fast for two or three days, do not think that you are better than those who do not fast. You do not eat and are angry, but he eats and shines with his forehead. When you are angry, you express anxiety of the soul and hunger of the body; he eats with moderation and thanks God. That is why Isaiah cries out every day: Can you call this a fast and a day pleasing to the Lord? (Isaiah 58:5). And again: On the day of your fasting you do your will, and demand hard labor from others. Behold, ye fast for strife and strife, and to strike others with a bold hand (Isaiah 58:3-4). Why then do you fast for me? What kind of fast can one have whose anger lasts not only beyond the limits of one day, but even for a whole month? Reflecting on yourself, build up your praise not on the weakness of another, but on your own podvig.

Do not imitate those who, taking care of the flesh, count all the income from their possessions and daily household expenses. The eleven apostles were not put to shame by the betrayal of Judas, and through the apostasy of Phigellus and Alexander, others were not stopped from the flow of faith. Do not say: "So-and-so uses her riches; it is respected by people; Brothers and sisters gather at her place. Is it through this very thing that she ceases to be a virgin?" Yes, it is doubtful whether she is a virgin in the first place: I [do not look] as a man looks; for a man looks on the face, but the Lord looks on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). Therefore, even if she is a virgin in the flesh, I do not know whether she is a virgin in spirit. The Apostle defines the virgin in this way: let her be holy in body and spirit (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:34). Finally, let her get her glory. Let him reject the thought of the Apostle, live and enjoy pleasures. We will follow the best examples. Imagine the blessed Mary, who was so blameless that she was vouchsafed to be the Mother of the Lord. When the Angel Gabriel descended to Her in the form of a man, saying: Rejoice, O Blessed One, the Lord is with Thee, in fear and horror She could not answer, because She had never accepted greetings from her husband. Then She recognizes the messenger and speaks. And She Who feared man fearlessly converses with the Angel. You can also be the mother of the Lord. Take thee a large scroll, and inscribe on it in human writing, and when thou wilt come to the prophetess, and conceive in thy womb, and bear a son (Isaiah 8:1), then say: For Thy fear's sake, O Lord, thou hast conceived in thy womb, and has been afflicted, and hast brought forth the spirit of thy salvation, which thou hast created on earth (Isaiah 26:18). Then thy Son shall answer thee, and say, Behold my mother and my brethren (Mark 3:34). And He Whom you will write on the leaf of your breast a short time before, Whom you will write in a new book of the heart, He, having taken away the profit of your enemies, having put to shame principalities and powers, and nailed them to the cross, will grow up and, becoming old, will miraculously make you His bride from your mother. Great is the podvig, but great is the reward – to be what the martyrs are; than the apostles; to be what Christ is. However, all this is useful when it happens in the Church; when we celebrate Pascha in a common house; if we enter the ark with Noah; if at the destruction of Jericho we are kept by the justified harlot Rahab. But those who are revered as virgins by various heretics, such as the impious Manichaeans, are to be revered as harlots, and not virgins. For if the devil is the creator of their body, how can they honor the maiden name — honorably, they hide the wolf under sheep's clothing. The Antichrist pretends to be Christ; and they falsely cover up a shameful life with an honorable name. Rejoice, sister, rejoice, daughter, rejoice, dear virgin, for you have in fact become what others only pretend to be.

All our reasoning will seem burdensome to one who does not love Christ. But whoever considers all the pomp of the world to be dust, and all that is under the sun vanity, who has died with his Lord and is resurrected, who has crucified his flesh with passions and lusts, will gladly exclaim: Who shall separate us from the love of God, tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? And then: "I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Rom. 8:35; 38–39). For the sake of our salvation, the Son of God becomes the son of man. For nine months in the womb he waits for birth, endures such humiliation, comes out bloodied, wraps himself in swaddling clothes, accepts playful caresses, and He who embraces the world lies in a cramped manger. I do not say that until the age of thirty in obscurity He shares the misery of His parents; struck by blows, he is silent, and when crucified, he prays for the tormentors. What shall I repay the Lord for all that I have repaid? I will receive the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord... Honorable in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints (Psalm 115:3-4, 6). There is only one worthy recompense: when blood is paid for with blood, and when, redeemed by the blood of Christ, we willingly die for the Redeemer. Which of the righteous received the crown without torment? Righteous Abel was killed; Abraham is put to the test of losing his wife. But in order not to stretch my letters beyond measure, search and you will find that they have all suffered misfortunes. Solomon alone lived in the midst of pleasures, which is perhaps why he fell. The Lord chastens whom He loves; but he smites every son whom he receives" (Heb. 12:6). Is it not better to fight for a short time, to entrench oneself, to arm oneself, to languish under armor and then rejoice with the victor, than to fall into slavery forever for the impatience of one hour?

Nothing is hard for lovers. No labor is difficult for the well-disposed. See what conditions Jacob accepted because of Rachel's wife: and Jacob worked, says the Scripture, for Rachel seven years; and they appeared to him in a few days, because he loved her (Gen. 29:20). Then he himself later mentions: "I languished by day from the heat, and by night from the cold" (Gen. 31:40). Let us also begin to love Christ, let us constantly seek His embrace, and to us all that is difficult will seem easy, and all that is long will be considered short; and, wounded by His spear, let us say every minute: Alas for me, for my sojourn shall continue" (Psalm 119:5). The present temporal sufferings are worth nothing in comparison with the glory that will be revealed in us (Romans 8:18); for out of tribulation proceedeth patience, out of patience experience, out of experience hope, but hope does not put to shame (Rom. 5:3-5). When the podvig you have undertaken seems difficult to you, read the 2nd Epistle of Paul to the Corinthians: I have been much more in labor, immeasurably in wounds, more in prisons, and many times in death. From the Jews five times I was given forty [stripes] without one; three times I was beaten with sticks, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent night and day in the depths [of the sea]; many times [was] on journeys, in dangers on the rivers, in dangers from robbers, in dangers from fellow tribesmen, in dangers from pagans, in dangers in the city, in dangers in the wilderness, in dangers at sea, in dangers among false brethren, in labor and in weariness, often in vigil, in hunger and thirst, often in fasting, in cold and nakedness (2 Corinthians 11:11).  23–27). Who among us can appropriate even a small part of these feats? For this reason he rightly said afterwards: "I have fought the good fight, I have completed the course, I have kept the faith; but now a crown of righteousness is prepared for me, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me (2 Tim. 4:7-8). We are angry if food is undersalted; and we think that we do some good to God when we drink wine mixed with water. The cup is broken, the table is overturned, blows are heard - and the cold water is avenged by bloodshed. The Kingdom of Heaven is taken by force, and those who use force take it away (Matt. 11:12). If you do not do violence to yourself, you will not rapture the Kingdom of Heaven. If you do not knock relentlessly, you will not receive the mysterious bread. Do you think that it is not violence when the flesh wants to be what God is, and where the Angels have fallen, it ascends to judge the Angels?

I beseech you, come out of prison for a while and present before your eyes those rewards for the present feat: eye has not seen, ear has not heard, and it has not entered into the heart of man (1 Corinthians 2:9). What will be the day when Mary, the Mother of the Lord, will meet you with the faces of the virgins? When Mary, the sister of Aaron, as after crossing the Red Sea and after the drowning of Pharaoh and his army, holding the tympanum in her hand, begins to sing, and the choir answers her: I sing to the Lord, for He is exalted highly; did He cast his horse and rider into the sea (Exodus 15:1)? Then Thekla will happily throw herself into your arms. Then the Bridegroom Himself will come out to meet you and say: Arise, my beloved, my beautiful, come out! Behold, the winter is already past; the rain has passed, it has ceased (Song of Songs 2:10-11). Then the angels will be amazed and say: Who is this, shining like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun? (Song of Songs 6:10). Daughters will look at you, queens will praise you, married women will praise you. Then the other chaste faces will meet you: Sarah will go out with the wives; Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, with widows. In different faces will appear thine mother according to the flesh and spirit: she who gave birth shall rejoice; she who taught will rejoice. Then the Lord will indeed sit on the lot and enter the Heavenly Jerusalem. And the youths, of whom the Saviour speaks in Isaiah: "Behold, I am, and the children whom the Lord hath given me" (Isaiah 8:18), bringing forth the victorious branches, will sing with harmonious lips: Hosanna! blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, King of Israel! (John 12:13). Then the hundred, and the fourty, and the four thousand before the throne, and the elders, shall take up the harp and sing a new song. And no one can learn to sing, only this designated number of persons. they are those who follow the Lamb wherever He goes (Rev. 14:4). Whenever worldly vanity seduces you, no matter how glorious something in the world may seem to you, transport your mind to paradise: begin to be what you intend to be in the future, and you will hear from your Bridegroom: Put me as a seal on your heart, like a ring on your hand (Song of Songs 8:6), — and, protected both physically and spiritually together, thou shalt cry out and say: The great waters cannot quench love, neither shall the rivers flood it (Song of Songs 8:7).

To summer. On the upbringing of children