Diary, Vol. III. 1860-1861. Contemplative Theology. Grains from the Lord's table.

God's omnipresence is spatial and mental, that is, God is everywhere in the spatial relationship and everywhere in the mental: wherever I go bodily or mentally, everywhere I meet God, and everywhere the Lord meets me.

Do not disturb your spirit for anything material, neither with pity for sensual goods or avarice, nor with suspicion of theft or theft of your property: cleave to the Lord (cf. Psalm 72:28; 1 Cor. b:17), and the Lord will either preserve all that is yours or preserve your heart from the devil's deadly wiles. Worry about nothing. The Lord is near (Phil. 4:b, 5), that is, about nothing that concerns bodily things.

To the miserly frequent visits of guests seems untrue on their part, and he considers himself justified in not tolerating them and breathing hatred towards them, as if for their untruth. But does not the Christian faith teach him meekness and patience — in cases of injustice to us others, does it not bless those who suffer unrighteousness from men, does it not say: "Thou shalt not torment him who oppresses thee" (cf. Luke 6:30), does it not point to Christ the Avenger: "Vengeance is mine, I will repay" (Rom. 12:19; Deut. 32:35); does it not make Christ Himself indebted to him instead of them: blessed art thou, for thou hast nothing to repay... (Cf. Luke 14:14.)

The devil showed to the Lord Jesus all the kingdoms of all the sloths in the line of time, and the devil said to him: "Unto thee will I give all this power and their glory: for it is delivered unto me, and if I will, I will give it: for if thou hast bowed before me, they shall be unto thee" (Luke 4:5-7). This temptation of the Savior by the devil is an image of our temptation: the enemy tempts us with the honors of this world. And see how the sons of this world (Luke 16:8), enchanted by the enemy, hunger for these honors, and for their sake bow down to their enemy, the devil? What means are not used in order to attain the highest honor, in order to receive a cross or an order, instead of seeking the honors of the highest calling of God (cf. Phil. 3:14). How each one is tickled by the selfish and proud desire to become higher than others or to compare with those who are higher than the past! How many raise their heads, having become higher than their brethren! How much inner delight in its advantages! How much secret joy there is that they are no worse than others, that they are better than many, that they have outstripped their most worthy comrades, who, with all their conscientiousness, with all their zeal for their service, with all their excellent gifts, have not yet received what we, thanks only to fortunate circumstances and, perhaps, to our own intrigues, have received! About! This is the devil's consolation! This is the worship of the devil: these people fall down and bow down to the devil. For if thou wilt worship me, all shall be unto Thee (Luke 4:7). Fraternity! Be careful: do not bow down to the enemy of God, lest the Lord and Judge of all turn away his face from you on that day.

July 23, 1861. These include, in addition to honors, magnificent clothes that serve vanity, and exquisite decoration of apartments, dinner parties, and everything with which a person wants to gain the vain glory of this world. All who exquisitely dress and decorate their apartments for the sake of vain glory bow down to the devil, who cherishes them as his children and zealous worshippers, and induces them to do these shameful deeds, inflaming their desires and whims. But how is this power over the universe all its (temporary) glory given over to the devil (Luke 4:6)? Are these words of the enemy true? The King of the universe is One, the Lord Who created it. Mine is the universe, and the fulfillment thereof (Psalm 49:12), He says in the Psalm; in the same way, glory is His one in heaven and on earth (cf. Psalm 148:13), which is why He is called the God of glory: the God of glory roars (Psalm 28:3). "Therefore, the words of the enemy are false from this side. "Aren't they just from some side?" If by the universe we understand the world lying in evil (cf. 1 John 5:19) and zealously serving it the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (cf. 1 John 2:16), then the words of the devil are just: for God Himself really allowed the enemy to tempt the sinful human race, which had given itself over to him through sin, and gave it over, so to speak, into his power: Behold, I deliver him up, but keep his soul (Job 2:6).

Receive one another, as Christ also received you to the glory of God (Romans 15:7) (it is especially said about the weak). You see how necessary unanimity and cordiality are in receiving each other. You see what a basis for such a way of life! What is it? That Christ Himself received us, weak and sinners, to the glory of God: from this, brethren, learn not to despise the weak or anyone else, but to receive all with joy and readiness to help one another, just as Christ also received you for the glory of God, into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Push, and it shall be opened unto you (Matt. 7:7). Knock at the door of God's mercy, no matter what sin you sin, no matter how flaming the arrows of the enemy, no matter how strong his stubbornness is in your heart: and you will surely be opened. I knocked: and the doors of God's mercy were always opened to me. Remember this always when you pray to the Lord or His Most Pure Mother, or to the saints.

Where and what did the enemy not embarrass me? In school [361] — by distrust of one's own word, in social life — I was and still is embarrassing by the same distrust of the word, and an ordinary, easy thing for others — free, correct, measured speech — is a difficult thing for me because of my distrust of myself. I seem to myself to be a layman in the subjects about which my interlocutors speak, ignorant of nothing, although if I were to speak according to the laws of rational thinking and from the sufficient information that I have acquired about all subjects, I would find something to say judiciously and to the point. But, not trusting myself, I blush for myself, and my enemy, who rejoices in my evil (cf. Psalm 34:26) and looks for weaknesses in me in order to attack them and torment me, torments me with humiliation and despondency. However, I often do not succumb to His wiles by the grace of my Lord, but, calling in my thoughts to the Saviour to come to the aid of my weakness, I calm down by Him, take upon myself a calm importance, not vainly caring about what others will say about me, and leaving the majority in the secular word to those who are skilled in it, while reserving for myself the best dominion — in the spiritual word, in which, I bear witness by my Lord and by His power in me, I am not petty and can speak with power.

The enemy troubled me during the Divine services and in general during all the spiritual needs of the priest, and like a muddy, dirty, strong, abundant stream sometimes flooded my soul, which saw neither itself nor the light of God from him, remaining all vague, as if struck to death. But sincere repentance and deep sighs to God and tears for my lack of attention to the work of God and my impatience attracted God's mercy to me: and my soul was cleansed, clarified, calmed down, and encouraged after the heavy flood of Satan. In order to deliver me from this terrible temptation, I myself composed a prayer to my Lord, that He grant me grace to those who are cheerful, with a heart and sober mind [362] with a contrite and humble heart (Psalm 50:19), with faith and love to offer Him supplications, glory, thanksgiving and worship [363]; I prayed it every day and do not cease to pray: and He heeded my prayer, and delivered me from the violence of the enemy — and for a long time now I have cheerfully spoken prayers, supplications, petitions, and thanksgiving (1 Tim. 2:1) to the Triune God, the God of my salvation (Psalm 50:16), to the God of my heart (Psalm 72:26); I do not abandon my prayer, lest I be subjected to the same temptation again.

Where the enemy did not embarrass me! If I wanted to do the most ordinary thing for other people, which they did freely, calmly, there he struck me with embarrassment. "If it was necessary to take a photographic portrait of me, I sat down and was embarrassed in spirit: the enemy waves rushed to my heart as if out of spite, and distorted my facial features. The enemy pursued me viciously everywhere.

July 2 7 after the Cathedral Liturgy. Oh, what is my blessedness from the communion of the most pure and life-giving Mysteries of my Lord! How good I am! Glory to Thee, O Lord! And before the Liturgy, the enemy stumbled on me and wounded my heart with pity for my brother's perishable food and anger against him. For a long time I groaned in my heart and prayed to the Lord and His Most-Pure Mother, and finally the Lord had mercy on me. I have firmly imagined, and have acknowledged in my heart, that all things are nothing before my Lord, who is the only Who is (Exodus 3:14), and all food and drink, all the riches of the world and its pleasures, are nothing; the whole earth and its fulfillment (cf. Psalm 23:1) — as nothing, and that in Him alone, from non-existence into being, Who brought all things [364] all things must be completely hoped for and expected from Him: for He is always able to do all things to me. That to preserve the unity of the Spirit in union, peace (Ephesians 4:3) with the brethren is my life and that of all people, that this unity of the Spirit should not be separated by anything but the obvious sins of a brother, for in this case it is necessary to divide and not to fall into opposition to the Lord, so as not to be in the unity of mind of deceit. "The Lord Himself says that He came to separate in this way even father for daughter and son for mother... and that a man's enemies are his household (cf. Matt. 10:35, 36). The Lord allows the devil to tempt us in order to stir up the sleeping powers of the soul, our zeal for God and zeal for piety, therefore for those who are experienced in the spiritual life, for those who are strengthened in faith and hope in the Lord, the temptations of the enemy serve as a blessing.

Glory and thanksgiving to my quick Intercessor, the Lady Most Holy Theotokos: Most Merciful, She delivered me from the straits of the enemy through my prayer before Her all-honorable Kazan Icon. My heart was heavy: I felt a kind of separation of my heart from my household spirit, a kind of tightness and heaviness. All this, as I know, was the work of the enemy who had occupied my heart. But I prayed to our Lady, as if she were alive and standing before me, I read: Undefiled, unblemished [365] then: To the zealous intercessor [366] and To the Mother of God diligently [367] and immediately it became light, light in the heart, and the unity of love settled in the heart, sympathy for the household, and I became a man, as they say. And often there is with me some kind of incomprehensible murderous apathy towards others, towards everything, even towards myself: all this is the work of a murderer (cf. John 8:44), who relentlessly seeks my sorrow and perdition, who captivates me in all possible ways into his dark power, but especially with his foolish self-love and apathy towards others; He strives to form in my heart a constant dislike of my neighbors: I see this clearly; but he, the all-malicious misanthrope, will not succeed in doing this: I hope in the all-powerful goodness and grace of my Lord, Who will not allow the enemy to instill in my heart dislike for my neighbor; I pray to Him for this and will continue to pray for it. The evildoer stirs up and shakes the hearts of my household with malice against me: I see this; I do not fail to understand his thoughts, but he will not be able to divide the hearts of my neighbors: He who is in us is more than he is in the world (cf. 1 John 4:4) who works and deceives all. The Lord and His Most-Pure Mother, the holy guardian angels and the holy saints of God will intercede for us. — Moralizing. Whenever you are in a bad mood, when apathy takes possession of you towards people and towards every deed, know firmly that there is an enemy in you and do not stagnate in this pernicious state, but now pray to the Lord that He deliver you from the enemy through the prayers of His Most-Pure Mother, and beseech Her Herself, the Mother of love and peace. Beware of everything possible, lest you be upset by the look, word, or deed of your neighbor, and not for a moment harbor a hostile disposition towards him; Do not harbor dislike or love for your neighbor for anything, neither because of money, nor because of food and clothing, nor because of housing, nor because of anything material, knowing that the soul of a brother is infinitely higher than all material things, that only the enemy has humiliated and destroyed us through the food of the tree, and now seeks in every way to destroy us by luring all the five senses and enjoying them in every possible way; that only the bodiless enemy has trampled on us and is ready to destroy us for eternity by our addiction to food and drink. July 27, 1861.

Do not give yourself over to despondency and gloomy disposition, knowing that it too is from the enemy: rejoice, I will say with the Apostle: And pour out the river, rejoice (Phil. 4:4). We, Christians, have something to rejoice about constantly, for we are children of the all-good and almighty God; we are promised an eternally blessed Kingdom: He who promised is faithful (Heb. 10:23); The mediator is reliable, the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts (cf. 2 Corinthians 1:22) is also faithful – and why should we lose heart? "Only demons tend to be discouraged: undoubted eternal torment awaits them, into which they want and try in every way to involve us, but they will not succeed, for our Lord is with us.

Whoever has dislike, enmity against his brother, is in captivity to the devil.