January 1997

For more than twenty years, Gary Chapman and I have been talking and writing about love. Gary has helped thousands of couples find the deeper meaning of marital relationships. In the meantime, I wrote books and conducted seminars for parents, trying to support them in such an important and difficult matter as raising children. Although Gary and I have known each other for more than twenty years, until recently I had no idea that he and I were in the same business. I discovered this while reading his wonderful book, The Five Love Languages. It echoes my two: "How to Truly Love Your Child" and "How to Truly Love Your Teen." I especially liked the idea that every person has a native "love language". If we determine which "language" our spouse speaks and which we speak, this invaluable knowledge will help us to make our lives fuller and richer. The same is true for the relationship between parents and children. Each child speaks his or her own "love language". Gary and I are doing a lot of things, and when we both realized that, the real book came out.

I am happy that I had the opportunity to work with Gary. The fruit of our labors is the book that you hold in your hands. I am convinced that it will help parents and everyone who takes care of children to give their pets what they need most - the confidence that they are loved. So we set off to explore the five paths to a child's heart, the "five love languages," join us.

Ross Campbell, MD Signel Mountain, TN,

January 1997

FIVE PATHS G^ TO THE HEART OF A CHILD

Chapter One. Love is the foundation of everything

Dennis and Brenda couldn't figure it out. Something strange was happening to their eight-year-old son. Ben has always been smart, studying was easy for him. And this year it seems to have been replaced. He lagged behind in all subjects. Ben was still struggling with his homework; In class, he did not succeed in anything. He did not leave the teacher's table, asked the same thing ten times. It was as if he had forgotten how to work on his own, the teacher had to explain every step to him. At first, the parents thought that the boy began to hear worse. He was examined by a doctor - everything is fine. The school psychologist also did not find any abnormalities: Ben's development corresponded to his age.

Parents were also concerned about their son's behavior. He changed a lot, became annoying, did not leave the teacher during breaks. In the dining room, he had to sit next to her at all costs. He pushed his classmates aside, it came to a fight. As soon as the teacher appeared in the schoolyard, Ben immediately left his comrades and, running up to her, hung on her sleeve.

Several times the parents met with the teacher. Together they tried to figure out what was going on, why the previously independent boy suddenly began to cling to adults. There was no answer. Parents just clutched their heads. Ben constantly quarreled with his older sister, and quarrels used to be rare. Of course, at his age, conflicts with siblings are commonplace. However, this did not console the parents. What if their child has become "difficult" and there are serious problems ahead of them?

We met at a seminar in a small town in Wisconsin. Dennis and Brenda came up to me before the conversation began.

"Dr. Chapman," Brenda said. "I understand that this is a seminar on marriage, and perhaps our question is inappropriate. But we are so worried about our son... Maybe you can advise us something.

And they told what was happening to Ben.

I immediately asked if the rhythm of their lives had changed recently. Dennis is a traveling salesman, usually returning home from six to half past eight, however, sometimes he stays late. In the evening, he sits over papers or watches TV. She and Ben used to go to football on weekends, but this year "work is too much for that."