Dennis and Brenda couldn't figure it out. Something strange was happening to their eight-year-old son. Ben has always been smart, studying was easy for him. And this year it seems to have been replaced. He lagged behind in all subjects. Ben was still struggling with his homework; In class, he did not succeed in anything. He did not leave the teacher's table, asked the same thing ten times. It was as if he had forgotten how to work on his own, the teacher had to explain every step to him. At first, the parents thought that the boy began to hear worse. He was examined by a doctor - everything is fine. The school psychologist also did not find any abnormalities: Ben's development corresponded to his age.

Parents were also concerned about their son's behavior. He changed a lot, became annoying, did not leave the teacher during breaks. In the dining room, he had to sit next to her at all costs. He pushed his classmates aside, it came to a fight. As soon as the teacher appeared in the schoolyard, Ben immediately left his comrades and, running up to her, hung on her sleeve.

Several times the parents met with the teacher. Together they tried to figure out what was going on, why the previously independent boy suddenly began to cling to adults. There was no answer. Parents just clutched their heads. Ben constantly quarreled with his older sister, and quarrels used to be rare. Of course, at his age, conflicts with siblings are commonplace. However, this did not console the parents. What if their child has become "difficult" and there are serious problems ahead of them?

We met at a seminar in a small town in Wisconsin. Dennis and Brenda came up to me before the conversation began.

"Dr. Chapman," Brenda said. "I understand that this is a seminar on marriage, and perhaps our question is inappropriate. But we are so worried about our son... Maybe you can advise us something.

And they told what was happening to Ben.

I immediately asked if the rhythm of their lives had changed recently. Dennis is a traveling salesman, usually returning home from six to half past eight, however, sometimes he stays late. In the evening, he sits over papers or watches TV. She and Ben used to go to football on weekends, but this year "work is too much for that."

"And you, Brenda?" "Has your schedule changed?"

"It has changed," she said. "For the last three years, I have worked part-time. This year I decided to switch to full-time work, so now I return home later. Ben is looked after by my parents. Grandpa picks him up from school and takes him to their home. After work, I go to pick up my son. If Dennis is late, we sometimes have dinner at my parents'.

Little by little, I began to understand what had happened to Ben. However, time was pressing, it was time to start the seminar. And I suggested:

— We will return to this conversation later. In the lesson, we will talk about the relationship between spouses. And you try to project the same principles on your relationship with your son. After the seminar, tell us what conclusion you came to.

Dennis and Brenda went to their seats, not hiding their disappointment: they were counting on advice.

The seminar ended in the evening, the people were gradually dispersing, and then I noticed my morning interlocutors. In a hurry to share their discovery, Dennis and Brenda made their way through the crowd towards me.

"Dr. Chapman!" Brenda was smiling. "I think we've figured out what's wrong with Ben. When you started talking about "love languages", it immediately became clear to us: his "mother tongue" is time. And we are so inattentive to him! For the last six months, both my husband and I have been busy only with ourselves.