"I remember, from. Anthony, I remember!" "Well, you don't need escorts, I do, father. Visit if there is time between righteous labors! True, I have heard that you do not love us, the elders, so much, and we are all ignorant, and we are all ignorant, and we do not want to bear the cross of Christ, we delight in the flock of others, in general, all the troubles are from us, eh, holy father?!" "You can't find two identical leaves, let alone people, from. Anthony." "Here, here, I'm also talking about the same thing. So tomorrow morning I am waiting for you!"

My companions had long since left and were surprised that I hesitated. And I waited for the morning. Again and again I read the lines of the Holy Scriptures. Ignatius (Brianchaninov), the life of the Optina elders, measuring everything with what was happening, looking for a proper explanation for it.

Earthly paths.

In the morning I was again in the car, and again the already familiar path to the elder. The same woman at the entrance, only now her greetings are addressed to me, and there is a certain mystery in her gaze - the look of a person who knows a little more than he should and than those around him know. "By prayers..." "Amen" – I heard from behind the door, – "Yes, he has been waiting for you for a long time," the woman whispered, "come quickly, father!" Alas, I do not find anything unusual: icons on whitewashed walls, in towels; In the holy corner there are two boxes - one larger, the other small. In the priest's house, or, more correctly, in the house of his stay, such questions should not be raised - the baptismal and Eucharistic set, probably with the Antimension.

Let me explain, for people who do not know what we are talking about. An antimension is a silk cloth with a woven or painted, as a rule, image of Christ in a coffin and the relics of a martyr sewn to it, a small part of them, of course. And so, it is only at the Antimension that the Divine Liturgy is celebrated, or rather, that most important part of it, during which the transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts takes place – the transformation of bread and wine into the Body and Blood of the Lord. Usually, the Antimension is blessed by the Bishop for services in a particular church, but in moments of instability in society, be it war, revolutions, the danger of schism or alien religious domination, as, for example, was the case with the introduction of Uniatism in Ukraine, the bishops blessed the most steadfast priests in the faith with the Antimension specifically for the service "wherever it happens." Many antimensions were in the hands of the clergy during the closure and destruction of churches by the Bolsheviks. In a word, it was rare for anyone from the priesthood of that period not to have his own Antimension, therefore, the presence of it in Fr. Anthony did not raise any doubts.

"What, father, do the Holinesses attract the eye, don't they?" After greeting him with a priestly greeting and kissing, I, at the invitation of the elder, sat down on a chair beside his bed. The conversation somehow did not go well. From. Anthony, in a white old cassock, was also reclining, only the expression of his face was different from yesterday - deep thoughtfulness, even a kind of drag of sorrow on his forehead,

"Father, maybe I'm not in time?" - I asked the elder. "Yes, no, what are you, what are you, I called it myself. I just thought about the days past, it is a sin to seek the way of the Lord, but no, I keep returning there, to the past, trying to understand how, what and why."

"Are you, they say, still a royal hereditary archpriest?"

"What are you, God be with you! If we had all at that time had a similar understanding of the faith and the place of Orthodoxy in the life of Russia, then, you see, there would have been no revolution. No, I come from a service family, my father is an engineer at a German factory. At that time, it was a position! His own house, his departure, the house was full of bowls, servants, grooms and everything that was required. The family was Orthodox, but the spirit of the time of atheism and fascination with Europe could not but poison the spiritual atmosphere. His mother, born a noblewoman, was born and raised in the village, on his grandfather's estate, and was more religious. Although, rather, this piety was more akin to ritualism. But, true, with the inhospitability of the old era. In our kitchen, someone was always feeding, either a crippled orphan, or an invalid soldier... Father looked at all this calmly, as at a sweet oddity of his wife, but did not take part.

I didn't have time to get an education - I attended lectures at the university. Unfortunately, and not only lectures. There were so many games on the course, now I can't remember! But they had the same essence - to destroy and then build. Something terrible emanated from all these teachings, the hellish spirit of misanthropy. And people went and listened, and obeyed! It's like a man looking into an abyss - one awkward movement and that's it, death, and he is drawn to look again and again! They did not want to hear the voice of the righteous, but followed the scoundrels. And they came.

At first, the war, it seemed that people would come to their senses, here it is, God's punishment. No, they did not heed, and revolutions began. By that time, I had changed the image of my worldview, left secular science and entered the seminary. It was frightening outside the walls of the Trinity, but how calmly and reverently services were performed in the churches of the Lavra! In my free time, I sat in the academic library and read, read, read... I kept trying to understand what was happening and predict the future. The boldness of youth, the hope of reason! Fortunately, there were enough schema-monks of the elders, they managed to prepare them for life: reading was no longer so attractive as prayer and prayerful communion. Disputes and discussions, always very convincing for all parties involved, were generally perceived as a waste of time.

It was a terrible, but also interesting time - martyrdom cleansed the Church. If news came, it was always bad, and more often, very bad, even more often - terrible! My parents died, and the decision was made - monasticism, life in the world was simply unbearable for me. And so he was tonsured and consecrated twice. Almost immediately with the laying of the cross on the percy, he took the cross on the ramen - arrest, camp, exile... Then, again, arrest and camp, in general, everything is like with people, there is no need to talk much about it."

"From. Anthony, how was the declaration of 1927 received by the clergy?" - I interrupted the elder.

"And how could it be perceived? Bishops - in different ways, I heard so, I myself did not communicate with them much. The lower clergy - calmly, quite calmly. And what was there that did not exist in the history of the Russian Orthodox Church?! The word "Soviet Motherland" hurt the ear, or something a little different, the essence is the same. Why, at that time the words "Russia" and "Russian" were nothing but White Guards! They are to blame, the enemy has no ability to force a person to sin, to force him, no. He only offers sin, and you are free to choose. This is a private sin, but the sin of the people also grows out of personal sins. Did only the Jews desecrate churches and join the union of the atheists?! No. Of course. But this is a separate conversation. Yes, so where did we stop, from. Alexander?"