CONVERSATION 14

"Wherefore, having rejected falsehood, speak the truth every man to his neighbor, for we are members of one another. When you are angry, do not sin: let not the sun go down on your anger; and give no place to the devil" (Εt. 4:25-27).

1. Having presented the general teaching about the old man, (the Apostle) then depicts it in detail, because the teaching about some subject, set forth in detail, is more comprehensible. What should he say? "Wherefore, having rejected falsehood." What kind of lie? Does he not understand idols? No. Though the idols are a lie, yet it is not about them, since (the Ephesians) had no fellowship with idols. He speaks to them of falsehood towards one another, i.e., of deceit and deceit: "Speak the truth every man to his neighbor," and presents a strong motive for this: "For we are members of one another"; therefore let no one deceive his neighbor. The Psalmist also speaks of this everywhere: "The lips are flattering, they speak from a false heart" (Psalm 11:3). Nothing, absolutely nothing, produces enmity so much as lies and deceit! Notice, then, how everywhere (the Apostle) shames them, pointing out (the mutual fidelity of the members) of the body. The eye, he says, does not deceive the legs, nor the foot deceives the eyes. If, for example, there were a deep ditch, and on top of it twigs were laid on the ground and covered with earth, so that the solid earth would deceptively appear to the eye, would not (the eye) take advantage of it.

And why? Because in this case, it will destroy itself. On the contrary, as it presents itself (to the sense of smell), so it is to speak. Does the tongue deceive the stomach? Does he not throw away what he finds disgusting, and does he not swallow pleasant things? This is the mutual exchange of services (between the members of the body). Notice, then, how faithfully, and at the same time, so to speak, sincerely, this mutual warning is made. In the same way, we will not lie if we are members of the same body. This will be a sign of our friendship, and the opposite of it will be a sign of enmity. But what is to be done, they say, when so-and-so is to build snares against me? Know the truth: if he builds snares for you, he is no longer a member (of the body). And (the apostle) said, "Do not deceive the member of the member." "When you are angry, do not sin." Notice the wisdom: he speaks about how we should not sin, and then he does not abandon those who do not listen to this instruction: so he treasures his spiritual creation! Just as a physician, having given instructions to a sick person as to how he should behave, does not leave him in his care even when the sick person does not follow his instructions, but, having persuaded him to use this instruction, heals him again, so does Paul. A physician who cares only for his own glory is offended when (the sick) neglect his instructions; but whoever is always concerned about the health of the sick has only one thing in mind how to get him out of bed. Such is Paul. He said, "Do not lie." And if it happens that a lie provokes someone to anger, then he offers medicine against this as well. What should he say? "When you are angry, do not sin." It is good not to be angry; but if anyone falls into this passion, it is at least not for a long time: "Let not the sun," he says, "go down in your anger." Can't you help but be angry? Be angry for an hour, two, three; but let not the sun set, leaving us as enemies. It has ascended through the goodness of the Lord, but let it not go down, shining on the unworthy. If the Lord sent him out of his great goodness and left you his sins, and you do not leave them to your neighbor, then think what a great evil this is. At the same time, other evil can also come from it. Blessed Paul fears that the night, having seized in solitude a person who has been offended and is still burning (with anger), will kindle the fire even more. In the daytime, while many things still irritate you, you are allowed to give place to anger in yourself; but when evening comes, reconcile and extinguish the evil that has arisen. If the night finds you (in anger), then the next day will no longer be enough to extinguish the evil that may grow in you during the night. Even if you destroy the greater part of it, you will not be able to destroy it all, and the next night you will give the remaining fire a chance to become more intense. As the sun, if the warmth of the day is not sufficient to dry and purify the air, which is filled with clouds and vapors during the night, gives cause for thunderstorms, when the night, having captured the remainder of these vapors, adds to them still new vapors, so it is also in anger. "Now give place to the devil." Thus, to be at enmity with one another is to give room to the devil. Whereas we ought to unite together and rise up against him, we, having abandoned enmity against him, allow ourselves to turn against one another. Truly, nothing helps the devil to find a place among us more than enmity.

2. Thousands of evils are born from here. As stones, as long as they are united and have no emptiness, are difficult to split, and as soon as there is a hole in them, even as small as the point of a needle, or a crack is made through which only one hair can be threaded, they disintegrate and collapse, so also with the devil. As long as we are closely united and close to each other, until then he will not be able to introduce (among us) any of his (evil calumnies). But when it divides us even a little, then it invades like a turbulent stream. Everywhere he needs only the beginning, this is the most difficult thing for him; but when the beginning is made, then it moves everything forward by itself. Thus, as soon as he has opened (your) ears to slander, the liars already gain (your) trust, because (the warring ones) are guided by their hatred, which (all) condemns, and not by the truth, which judges the right. Just as in friendship one does not want to believe even righteous bad rumors, so in enmity, on the contrary, false rumors are accepted as truth. Then we have another mind, another judgment seat, which hears not with calmness, but with great partiality and prejudice. As lead placed on the scales pulls everything, so does the heaviest weight of enmity weigh on lead. Therefore, I beseech you, let us do our best to extinguish our enmity before the sun sets. When you do not restrain your enmity on the first and the next day, you will often continue it for a whole year, and finally it will intensify of its own accord to such an extent that it will no longer need anyone's (excitement). It makes the tin, which are spoken in one sense, be taken in another, makes him suspect movements and misinterpret everything that is, and thus hardens and irritates (a person), making him worse than those possessed by demons, so that he does not want to name or hear the name of the one against whom he is enmity, but to pronounce (against him) all kinds of abusive words. How can we mitigate our anger? How shall we extinguish this flame? If we think about our own sins and how guilty we are before God; if we consider that we are not taking revenge on the enemy, but on ourselves; if we consider that (by enmity) we bring joy to the devil, this enemy, our true enemy, for whose sake we offend our brother. Do you want to be vindictive, to be at enmity? Be an enemy, but against the devil, not against your fellow-man. For this reason God gave us wrath as a weapon, so that we would not strike our own bodies with the sword, but so that we might plunge all its point into the chest of the devil. And this will happen when we spare each other, when we are peacefully disposed towards each other. Let me lose my money, let me ruin my glory and honor: my penis is dearer to me than anything else. Thus let us speak to one another; let us not offend our nature in order to acquire money, to gain glory. "Whoever stole," he says, "go forth thou shalt not steal," v. 28. Do you see what members the old man has? Lies, rancor, theft. Why did he not say, "Let him who steals be punished, let him be subjected to torture and torment," but let him not steal? "Rather labor with your own hands, that which is useful, that you may have something to give to the needy" (v. 28). Where are those who call themselves pure, who, being full of all uncleanness, dare to call themselves so? After all, in order to remove the accusation from oneself, one must not only abandon sin, but also do something good. See how sins should be expiated: they stole, this means to commit a sin; not stealing – this does not mean to atone for sin; How (could they do it)? If they had worked and helped others, they would have made amends for their sin. The Apostle wants us not just to do, but to work, to give to others. And he who steals also does, but does evil. "Let no rotten word proceed out of your mouth" (v. 29). What word is "rotten"? That which in another place he calls an idle word, backbiting, shameful talk, superstition, riot. Do you see how he cuts the very roots of anger – lies, theft, thoughtless speech? He said the words, "Go forth thou shalt not steal," not so much in order to show leniency to those who stole, but in order to inspire meekness in those who suffered therefrom, and to persuade them to be content with the fact that they would no longer be subjected to it. By the way, he also teaches about words, because we will give an answer not only for deeds, but also for words. "But only," he says, "good things for edification in the faith, that they may bring grace to those who hear" (v. 29). That is, say only what edifies your neighbor, and nothing superfluous.

3. God has given you a mouth and a tongue so that you may thank Him and edify your neighbor. If you destroy a building, it is better to be silent and say nothing. And the hands of the artist, appointed to build the walls, but instead of knowing how to destroy them, it would be fair to cut them off. So the Psalmist says: "The Lord will destroy all flattering lips" (Psalm 11:4). The tongue is the cause of all evil, or rather, not the tongue, but those who use it badly. Hence – insults, backbiting, blasphemy, passion for pleasure, murder, fornication, theft, everything is born from here. How, they say, does murder come from? From an insulting word you will become angry, when angry you will begin to fight, not far from a fight to murder. In what way is fornication? You will be told that so-and-so is especially disposed towards you, she speaks of you in a very good way; These words will shake your firmness, and then impure desires will arise in you. That is why Paul said, "Only good things." Since there are a great many words, he justly expressed himself vaguely, commanding regarding their use, and giving a rule on how to conduct a speech. What is the rule? "That it might bring grace," he said. In other words: (speak thus) so that he who hears you will be grateful to you. For example, your brother has committed fornication: do not revile him with offensive words, do not mock him. Thou shalt not do the hearer any good by this, but thou shalt surely injure him if thou scornest him (with thy words). If you exhort the Yaga how he should act, then you will deserve great gratitude from him. If you teach him to have a good mouth, if you teach him not to slander him, then by this you will teach him a lot and earn his gratitude. If you talk to him about repentance, about modesty, about almsgiving, all this will soften his soul. For all this, he will express his gratitude to you. But if you arouse courage, pronounce an obscene word, and even more so if you praise vice, then you will upset and destroy everything. This is how the words (of the Apostle) can be understood. Or do these words mean: in order to make them (the hearers) grace-filled. For just as myrrh bestows grace on those who are anointed by it, so does a good word. For this reason someone said: "Thy name is like poured ointment" (Song of Songs 1:2). It (the good word) you fill (the hearers) with your incense. Do you see: what he inspires everywhere, he speaks of even now, when he commands everyone to edify his neighbor to the best of his ability? Therefore, when exhorting others to act in this way, how much more (dispose) yourself. "And do not offend," he says, "the Holy Spirit." These are words that lead to fear and terror, which (the apostle) repeats in the Epistle to the Thessalonians. And there he expressed something similar, saying: "Therefore he who is disobedient is disobedient, not to man, but to God" (1 Thess. 4:4, 8). So it is here: if you say an insulting word, if you grieve your brother, then you will not grieve him, but offend the Holy Spirit. At the same time, you also point to the good deed (received from the Holy Spirit), so that the accusation may be all the stronger: "And do not offend," he says, "the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed in the day of redemption" (v. 30). He (the Holy Spirit) has made us a pasture of kings, has freed us from all former (evils), has not left us among those who are subject to the wrath of God, and – do you offend Him? See what fear is there (inspired): "Therefore, the disobedient," he says, "is disobedient not to man, but to God," and here he shames with the words: "And do not offend the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you are sealed." Let these words lie like a seal on your lips; do not destroy these signs. Lips sealed by the Spirit do not utter anything (indecent). Do not say: it does not matter if I say a bad word, if I insult this or that. That is why it is a great evil, because you consider it insignificant. Evil, which is considered insignificant, is easily neglected, and when neglected, it is intensified, and when it is intensified, it becomes incurable. Are your lips sealed with the Spirit? Remember what word you have spoken now, at your birth, remember the virtues of your lips. Do you call God your Father and at the same time blaspheme your brother? Think about why you call God your Father. (Is it because He is the Father) by nature? But therefore you could not (call Him that). For virtue? No, and not for that. Why? Only by God's love for mankind, by His mercy, by His great mercy. Therefore, when you call God Father, then keep in mind not only that by offending (your brother) you act unworthy of this nobility, but also that you have this nobility according to the goodness (of God). Do not disgrace your nobility, which you yourself have received by mercy, by cruelty to your brothers. Do you call God your Father, and insult (your neighbor)? This is not characteristic of the son of God! The work of the Son of God is to forgive his enemies, to pray for his crucifiers, to shed blood for those who hate him. This is what is worthy of the son of God: to make his enemies, ungrateful, thieves, shameless, treacherous – to be his brothers and heirs, and not to insult his brothers, as if they were slaves.

4. Think, kahal the words spoken by your lips, how they are vouchsafed a meal; think about what they touch, what they eat, what food they take. Do you think that by speaking evil of your brother, you are not committing an important crime? How, then, do you call him brother? And if you do not take it, then how do you say: "Our Father"? Think with whom you stand during the mystery: with the cherubim, with the seraphim. Seraphim do not slander, but their lips have only one occupation – to glorify and glorify God. How will you say with them, 'Holy, holy, holy,' after you have spoken backbiting with your mouth? Tell me, if one of the servants were to use the king's vessel, which was always filled with royal dishes and was appointed for such use, for impurities, would he then dare to place this vessel filled with impurities again, together with the other vessels used at the king's table? Far from it. Such is the backbiting, such is the insult (of one's neighbor)! "Our Father." And are you saying the same thing? Consider also the following words: "He who is in heaven." Now you have said, "Our Father who art in heaven," and these words have stirred you up, inspired your thoughts, and made you believe that you have the Father in heaven. Do nothing, say nothing earthly. They have lifted you up to the heavenly rank, they have joined you to the heavenly countenance. Why then do you fall down to the valley? Thou standest before the throne of the King, and utter backbiting! Are you not afraid that the Tsar will consider your act an insult to himself? When a slave, before our eyes, strikes another slave and reproaches him, then, even if he does it rightfully, we immediately punish, taking such an act for an offense to ourselves; and you, who are set with the cherubim before the throne of the King, reproach your brother? Do you see these holy vessels? They have one purpose: who would dare to use them for another? And you are holier than they are, and much holier: why do you defile yourself and smear yourself with filth? Do you stand in heaven and give yourself over to backbiting? Do you live with angels, and speak evil? Have you been vouchsafed the kiss of the Lord, and do you utter backbiting? God adorned your lips with so many angelic hymns, vouchsafed them a brush not of angels, but of His angelic lips and embraces, and you give yourself over to backbiting? Leave it, I beg you. Such a thing will cause great calamities and is not characteristic of the Christian soul. Have we not convinced you with our words, have we not shamed you? In such a case, it is necessary to intimidate you. Listen to what Christ says: "Whosoever shall say to his brother, 'Thou fool shall be liable to hell fire' (Μt. 5:22). If, then, he threatens Gehenna with the one who speaks the lightest (of the offensive words), what does he deserve who utters the most audacious reproaches? Let us teach our lips good speech. From this comes great benefit, and from slander, great harm. There is no need to waste money here, let us only put a door and a lock on (the bushes), let us bite ourselves as soon as an insulting word falls from our tongues, let us beseech God, let us beseech the one we have offended, that we may not suffer innocently, for we have grieved ourselves, and not him, let us turn to medicine, to prayers, and to reconciliation with the offended. If we are to observe such caution in our words, then how much more so will we be strict with ourselves in our deeds. Whether it be your friends, or any other whom you have slandered and reviled, apologize to them and ask their punishment for you. Let us at least know that backbiting is a sin. If we know this, we will soon leave him behind. May the God of peace preserve your mind and tongue and protect you with a solid wall – His fear, in Christ Jesus and our Lord, with Whom be glory to the Father and the Holy Spirit.

CONVERSATION 15

"Let all anger and wrath and wrath and shouting and slander, with all malice, be removed from you" (Ephesians 4:31).

1. As swarms of bees never sit in an unclean vessel, and therefore men who are experienced in this make a place for them, fumigating it with incense, mastics, and all kinds of incense, and sprinkling with fragrant wines and all other compounds the baskets in which they should sit when they hatch from the hives, and do all this so that the foul smell which is disgusting to the bees does not cause them to fly away, – so all this applies to the Holy Spirit. Our soul is like a vessel or a basket in which swarms of spiritual gifts can be placed; But if it is filled with bile, bitterness and anger, then these swarms fly away from it. That is why this blessed and wise householder carefully cleanses our vessels, using neither a knife nor any other iron tool for this. He calls us into this spiritual hive, and, building it, purifies it by prayers, labors, and all other means. See how he cleanses our heart: drive away, speak, lie, drive away anger; And at the same time he shows how evil can be eradicated by the roots: let us not, we say, be wrathful in spirit.

And a wild and fierce beast brought into the city, as long as it is in a fenced place, can do no harm to anyone, no matter how much it rages and screams; but if, in a rage, he jumps over the fence, then he produces fear and anxiety in the whole city and forces everyone to flee from itself: such is the natural property of bile. As long as it is within its boundaries, it will not do us any important harm; but when its shell bursts, and nothing prevents it from spreading over the whole body, then, in spite of its extremely small number, it penetrates all the elements of the body by virtue of its qualitative strength and spoils them with its evil admixture. Thus, touching the blood, to which it is close both in place and in quality, it heats it up, and everything that is near it, makes it excessively moist and turns it into bile; then to cause disorder in other parts of the body, and thus, having spoiled everything with itself, deprives a person of the use of the tongue and brings him to death, expelling the soul from the body. But why do we talk about all this in such detail? In order that we, through comparison with sensual bile, may better understand all the intolerable harm of spiritual bile – how it, producing a complete disorder in our soul, from which it is born, causes it complete destruction – and that, knowing this, we may beware lest we experience (its harmful effect) on ourselves. As this (material bile) produces inflammation in the bodily composition, so this (spiritual) kindles our thoughts and brings down the one whom it possesses into the abyss of hell. Therefore, in order that we, after we have carefully considered all this, avoid this evil, restrain this beast, or rather uproot it, let us listen to the words of Paul: "All irritation," he did not say, "let it be cleansed," "let it be removed from you." Indeed, what need do I have to keep it with me? Why should I keep a beast that can be removed from my soul and driven far away? Let us listen to the words of Paul: "Let all irritation be removed from you." But, unfortunately, this is what confusion we have. Whereas one should try in every way to do so, some are so foolish as to consider such an evil to be happiness for themselves, to be proud of it, to be vain, and to excite envy in others. Such-and-such, they say, is a galling man, a real scorpion, a serpent, an echidna: they are terribly afraid of him! Why are you afraid, beloved, of a galling man? I am afraid to say that he will not harm me, not insult me. I am inexperienced in cunning like he, and therefore I fear that he will not lure me into his net, as a simple man and incapable of penetrating into his designs, and entangle us in his fetters prepared for our deception. That's funny! Why? Because such words are appropriate for children who are afraid of what is not at all scary. In fact, no one is so deserving of contempt, no one is so worthy of ridicule, as a bitter and wicked man. For there is nothing more powerless than malice: it makes (man) senseless and insane.

2. Do you not see that malice is blind? Have you not heard that he who digs a pit for his neighbor digs it for himself? But how, it will be said, can one not be afraid of a man who has given himself over to anger? If one should be afraid of demons and madmen, then one should also be afraid of angry people, as madmen, who do everything without reasoning. I also agree with this, but I do not at all agree that it is necessary to have recourse to the help of such people in business. Prudence is most necessary for the successful conduct of affairs; but deceit, malice, and deceit most of all hinder us from maintaining prudence. Do you not see what bodies are like in which bile is poured out, how inconspicuous they are, having completely lost their natural color? How can they be weak, feeble, and incapable of anything? Such are the souls possessed by this disease. Deceit is nothing more than a bilious disease of the soul. So, the insidiousness is not at all strong, far from it. Would I again make my words clear to you by an example, by giving you an example of a cunning and simple man? Absalom was cunning and attracted everyone to his side. See what this treachery was. He walked, as it is said, and said to everyone: "There is no one to hear you" (2 Samuel 15:3), wishing to win over to his side. And David was simple. What then? See how successful both were, see how reckless he was. Since he had only in mind how to harm his father, he was blind to everything else. But David is not so, because "He who walks in integrity walks in safety" (Prov. 10:9), that is, he who does not plot anything against others, does not prepare evil for anyone. Thus, let us listen to Blessed Paul and pity the wicked people, let us mourn them and try in every way to use all the worlds in order to free their souls from this evil. And is it not foolish that we try to weaken the power of bile, although it is a necessary element (in the body), since man cannot live without it – I mean elemental bile – is it not foolish to say that we try to weaken its power, although it is very useful for us, and yet we do not care or try in the least to weaken it, To suppress in oneself the bile of the soul, which is of no use to anything, on the contrary, to produce so much evil? "If any of you thinks to be wise in this world," it is said, "let him be a fool, that he may be wise" (1 Cor. 3:18); or as St. Luke also says: "they received" (believers) "food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and being in love with all the people" (Acts 2:46). Do we not see even now that simple and untreacherous people enjoy general respect from everyone? No one envies such people in happiness, no one attacks them in misfortune; but everyone rejoices in their well-being and regrets them if misfortune befalls them. On the contrary, when an ill-tempered person prospers, then everyone grieves over it, as if for some misfortune; and if he falls into misfortune, then everyone rejoices at it. Let us regret such people, because they have enemies everywhere, at every step. Jacob was simple-hearted, but defeated the wicked Esau, because "Wisdom shall not enter into a wicked soul" (Wis. 1:3). "Let all irritation be removed from you," so that it no longer remains. Otherwise, this remnant, if aroused, will produce a whole flame inside like a spark. So, let us examine more carefully what this sorrow is: a person who is treacherous, cunning, malicious, suspicious is subject to it; anger and rage are always born from it, because it is impossible for such a soul to remain at peace. Grief is the root of anger and rage. Such a person is gloomy, never rests his soul, is always thoughtful, always gloomy, because, as I have said, these people are the first to experience the evil consequences of their evil temper. "And the scream." What is this? And why does (the Apostle) forbid "shouting"? For such should be a meek person. A cry is a horse that has anger as its rider. Humble the horse and you will defeat the rider. Let women listen to this with special attention, because they are especially fond of shouting and making noise in every business. Only in one case is it useful to speak aloud, this is in preaching and teaching, and nowhere else, not even in prayer. If you want to test our words in practice, then always refrain from shouting, and you will never become angry. This is the way to tame anger! And just as it is impossible for one who refrains from shouting to be angry, so it is impossible not to be angry with him who shouts. Do not speak to me here about people who are at war, vindictive, spiteful, and irritable: we are now talking about the immediate extinguishing of this passion.

3. If, therefore, we accustom ourselves to abstain from shouting and swearing, this can contribute greatly to the taming of our souls. Suppress the cry, and by this you will take the wings from your anger, you will tame the agitation of the heart. And just as it is impossible to engage in a fist fight without raising one's hands, so it is impossible to give oneself up to anger without raising one's cry. Tie a fighter's hands and command him to fight, and he will not be able to do it; In the same way, anger cannot do it. The yage's cry arouses anger even when there is none. Especially soon, in such a case, (anger) takes possession of women. When a woman is angry with her maidservants, she fills the whole house with her scream. And as it often happens that a house is built on a narrow street, all those who pass by hear her abuse and the wails of the servant. What could be more shameful than to hear someone's cries? Everyone then begins to eavesdrop and ask: what happened there? Such a so-and-so, they say, beats her maid. How ugly, what a shame! But what, it will be said, is it not necessary to resort to punishment at all? I do not say this: it is necessary, but not incessantly, not without measure, not out of a desire to vent one's frustration on others, not even for a fault, as I constantly say, but only when it harms one's own soul. If you demand from her from this motive, then everyone will praise you, and no one will condemn you. But if (you beat her) on your own whim, then everyone will recognize your hotness and cruelty. And what is most shameful, some are so cruel and merciless, they scourge (their maidservants) to such an extent that the wounds do not leave them all day long. He strips the maidens and, with the assistance of the husband, often ties them to chairs. Alas, tell me, is it possible that at this time you will not come to the memory of Gehenna? But you undress the girl, and show your husband: are you not ashamed that they condemn you? On the contrary, you incite him to cruelty as much as possible, insist on binding her, and, above all, heap a thousand abusive words upon the poor and unfortunate woman, calling her a Thessaline, a fugitive, a prostitute. Anger does not spare your lips, the name is in mind, as if to annoy the guilty, even if it is a disgrace to yourself. After all this, the one who has been neglected sits down in her place, like a tyrant, summons the youths, and, having given an order to the foolish man, uses it instead of the executioner. Should this happen in Christian homes? But, they say, this is done to people who are evil, unscrupulous, shameless and incorrigible. But they could be corrected in other ways, for example, by fear, threats, words, and such as could have an effect on them and at the same time would not humiliate you. You, being a noble woman, utter shameful words, and by this you do not so much dishonor yourself as her? Then, if she needs to go to the bathhouse, won't the wounds on her bare back be evidence of your cruelty? But, they say, slaves become worthless if they are left to themselves. I know this too; but correct them, as I have already said, otherwise, not only with whips, not with fear, but also with kindness and kind treatment. She's become your sister if she's a believer. Remember that you are her mistress, she serves you. If she is prone to drinking, take away her opportunity to drink, call her husband, exhort. Do you not understand how unseemly it is for you to beat a woman? The legislators, who have established many punishments for men, and stakes and tortures, seldom sentence women to them, but extend the severity only to flogging. They are so lenient to their sex that, when necessary, they even exempt them from heavy punishments, especially when they are pregnant. It is unseemly for a man to beat a woman; but if it is (indecent) of men, how much more so of the one who is of the same sex with her. This makes wives hated by their husbands. But what is to be done, they say, if she indulges in debauchery? Give her in marriage, stop the reason for debauchery, do not allow her to be depraved. But what if she steals? Watch and keep an eye on her. Oh, what kind of complaints? Should I be a watchman? What madness! Why, tell me, should you not be her keeper? Don't you have the same soul as her? Is she not worthy of the same (gifts) from God? Does she not approach the meals with you alone? Does it not share your (spiritual) nobility? What, you say, if she is quarrelsome, quarrelsome, inclined to drunkenness? And how many of them are there among free wives? The Lord commanded men to endure all the shortcomings of their wives. Just let your wife not be an adulteress, and you bear all her other faults. If she is prone to drunkenness, if she is quarrelsome and quarrelsome, if she is envious, if she is extravagant, if she loves splendid clothes, then you need to correct her. That is why you are its head. Correct it, do for this what depends on you. If she remains incorrigible, if she steals, keep your property, but do not punish her so harshly. If she is quarrelsome, stop her mouth. This is (the rule) of the highest wisdom. And yet some reach such shamelessness that they tear the veils from the heads of the maids and drag them by the hair.

4. Why did you all blush? We are not talking about everyone, but only about those who indulge in such brutal cruelty. Let not the wife be uncovered (1 Cor. 11:6), says Paul; And you completely deprive her of her veil? Do you see how you insult yourself? If she comes to you with her head uncovered, you call it an insult; And yet, when you uncover it, do you not consider your act indecent? Then you say: what should I do if she does not improve? Bring her to reason with the rod and blows. At the same time (think), how many faults do you yourself have, and do not correct them? This is said now not in defense of them (the maidservants), but for your benefit, free women, so that you do not do anything indecent and humiliating, so that you do not harm yourselves. If you accustom yourself at home to a quiet and gentle treatment of a servant, how much more will you be so in relation to your husband. If you do not do anything of the kind even where you are free in your actions, then you will not do it where there is an obstacle to it. Thus the prudent treatment of the maidservants can do a great deal to help you gain the favor of your husbands. "With what measure ye measure," it is said, "it shall be measured unto you" (Μt. 7:2). Bridle your mouth. And if you learn to endure the obstinacy of the servant, you will not be grieved even when you suffer offense from your equal; but when you are not grieved by this, then you will attain high wisdom. But some people even use curses in anger: nothing can be worse than expressing your anger in this way. What then shall I, you say, do if she (the maidservant) loves to adorn her appearance? Restrain her from this, and I will approve of it, but restrain her, beginning with yourself, not so much by fear as by your example. Be her first example in everything. And "evil speech," says (the Apostle), "let it be removed from you." Notice how evil happens: grief begets anger, anger – rage, rage – shouting, shouting – blasphemy, i.e. abusive words, then blasphemy – blows, blows – wounds, wounds – death. But Paul did not want to say anything of the kind, but only said: "With all malice let them be removed from you." What does "with all malice" mean? All malice leads to this end. There are (people) who are like those cunning dogs, who do not bark and do not attack those who pass by, but pretending to be gentle and meek, seize the unwary and sink their teeth into them. Such are much worse than straight forwards. Since there are dogs among men, who, without resorting to shouting, anger, insults and threats, build secret snares and prepare a thousand evils for others, taking revenge on them by deeds, (the Apostle) pointed out such as these. "Let them be removed from you," he says, "with all malice." Do not take revenge with deeds either, if you spare your words. For this reason I restrained your tongue, stopped the cry, so that the strongest flame would not burn in you. But if you do the same thing without shouting, harboring flames and embers within you, then what is the use of your silence? Don't you know that those fires are worse than those that lurk inside and are not visible from the outside? Is it not the same with wounds that do not come out, but are inflamed within? In the same way, that (hidden) anger is worse and more harmful to the soul. But he, too, says (the Apostle), "with all malice let them be removed from you," both small and great. Let us obey him and expel from ourselves all sorrow, all malice, so that we may not offend the Holy Spirit. Let us eradicate sorrow by the roots, cut it off from ourselves. There can be nothing good for a soul filled with bitterness, nothing useful, but from it all misfortunes, all tears, all cries and lamentations. Do you not see how we turn away from those beasts that cry out, namely from lions, from bears, but not from the sheep, because it has no loudness, but a small voice? In the same way, of the musical instruments, which make loud sounds, are unpleasant to the ear, such as tympanums and trumpets, and those that have soft sounds are pleasant, such as the flute, zither, and flute. So, let's tune our soul to refrain from screaming, and in this way we will be able to suppress anger in ourselves. And when we drive away (anger) from us, then we ourselves will be the first to enjoy peace and sail to a quiet harbor, where may it be given to all of us to reach in Christ Jesus our Lord, with Whom to the Father with the Holy Spirit be glory, dominion, honor, now and ever, and unto the ages of ages. Amen.