Письмо 512

Я не был в сомнении, что вас тронет весть о кончине любезнейшего нашего батюшки о. Л., но как же можно было это сокрыть? От многих получаю весьма трогательные отзывы, а особо из обителей девических к нему приверженных. На мне долг всех их утешать в малодушии; но что я могу сделать, ежели не будет на сие помощи Божией? От Бога же вся возможна, – и самую сию скорбную мысль, что мы лишились такого любвеобильного отца, переменить, и дать чувство утешения тем, что он заслужил толикую многих к себе любовь, быв всем на пользу; заслужил несомненно и Божие милосердие за пределами мира сего в стране духовной; и перешел от скорбей и болезней к вечному покою. Находясь же ближе к престолу Божию, оставит ли он нас, чад своих, без заступления и ходатайства у Бога, а вместе с сим и вразумления в житии нашем? – Токмо мы со своей стороны, храня к нему любовь, постараемся сохранить в памяти спасительные его наставления и понудимся к исполнению оных. Примите сие рассуждение в утешение вашей печали о лишении батюшки. Просите заступить его место, и напоминаете слова его, вам сказанные о сем, как при жизни батюшки, со изволением его, чтобы участвовал я в делах относившихся к нему расположенных, что вы и сами довольно знаете; теперь же кольми паче я не смею отвергнуть вас. Но опять не могу сказать, чтобы вполне мог заменить батюшкины наставления; но верующему все возможно: ежели ваша вера будет содействовать, так силен и Господь подать мне истинный разум сказать вам слово пользы, и молитвы батюшкины могут в сем содействовать. Вы просите подтверждения на жительство ваше в В. Л. с матерью К. по случаю ее о сем сомнения. – Когда же однажды благословлено, на что искать повторения: не будьте двоедушны, и К. должна быть уверена вашим словом, что имеете на оное благословение. Хотя и не всегда должно верить снам, однако, во исцеление вашего малодушия, получили подтверждение и во сне; будьте спокойны.

Сожительство ваше с К. может послужить обеим вам пользой; ей, яко уже несколько утружденной скорбями и не имеющей по духу сестры, как и вы пишете, не с кем души отвести, будете вы полезны услаждать горести ее дружелюбием, собеседованием и укреплением; а она, испытавши сама опытами жизнь духовную, будет вас предостерегать от превосхождения и от умаления подвигов, ибо обоя вредят; но идти путем царским средним и не искать душевных утешений, которые хотя сладки, но не прочны без помощи креста, который есть многоразличен. Но о сем теперь не время говорить. Думайте о том, как оторваться от уз мира; – просите и дастся вам: ищите и обрящете: толцыте и отверзется вам (Мф.7:7). Слова Спасителя нашего да будут вам надеждой к исполнению вашего желания. Приступая к делу, прежде ищите Его помощи, и да будет Его святая воля! И. М. 18го ноября 1841 года.

Письмо 513

From your last letters, I see that in response to the proposal you made to your mother, you receive her tears, and consequently her disapproval; and by her order describe and present to me her and your situation, relying on my consideration. There is very great confidence on both sides in my frailty, and I truly consider myself unworthy to solve such a difficult situation for both of you in relation to God and to your neighbor. Everywhere I feel cramped: leave me unanswered? – it is necessary to grieve both of you; to plunge into despondency; answer decisively? – on both sides I am in fear and bewilderment. I forget my thinness, and look at your faith in God; I dare to call upon the Lord for help, and I answer you: it is terrible to anger God by not fulfilling the promise given to Him; it is also sorrowful to grieve the parent in relation to your duty to her! That is why it is difficult to resolve this perplexity. You no longer belong to the world, although you live in it, according to the vow you have made to God and the will of your heart: but even your mother's sorrow, for leaving her, will eat away at your heart, and so you are between two fires. It is necessary to choose a middle ground and, to the extent of one's ability and strength, with God's help, to observe both: to bring to God the beginnings of one's own will, and not to leave one's mother for the time being. How can this be reconciled with one another? "You are to give your mother pleasure and obedience, to stay with her for the time being, only for her, and not for the world, and not for the world; to change the costume, if not in the cut of the monastery, then in color, that is, to wear dark, modest and simple clothes; to abandon the departure into the world, as well as the reception of the worldly, since you no longer belong to the world; Do not leave home classes. If the world reproaches and hates you for this, do not be surprised at this, so it must be, according to the word of God: "If the world hates you, lead me, for you will hate Me before you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own: for you are of the world, but I have chosen you from the world, for this reason the world hates you" (John 15:18,19). You get used to patience, which will be needed everywhere; but do not forget about humility, which must be combined with every good deed, without which deeds will not benefit us, and even more so will harm us, which we see fulfilled in many. Although you fast, even though you pray, or give alms, beware of the thought that you are doing good, which the enemy is trying to bring, in order to destroy all the fruits and cut off your soul from God. It seems that your mother must agree to all of the above, so as not to be contrary to the will of God; otherwise, if your heart inclines to the world, it will give God no small answer. There is no excuse for not offering to God the sacrifice He demands. And is it any wonder that it will be God's will to deprive you of her completely, moving you away to the future – then what should be her repentance? But it was too late. "We do not argue about the possibility of salvation in the world; but to those who are called to this; the burden and yoke of the world are bearable to them; and whomsoever God chooses for another calling, and calls out of the world, He commands him to take up His good yoke and light burden, and to learn from Him, for He is meek and lowly in heart; and such a person is no longer at all suited to worldly rites and decency, and – as the sea sweeps away a dead man – so the world casts out such a person called by God, who does not agree with his customs, and does not love him; for the word of the Holy Apostle assures of this: "Those who desire to live a godly life shall be persecuted" (2 Timothy 3:12). Your mother grieves for you sadly because she loves the creature more than the Creator! – I am very glad that T. Una has her own cell, and a good one at that, because of the crowd there – the Lord consoled her a lot with this; but one cannot do without spiritual warfare and receive salvation. Wherever one is, there is a kind of sorrow and temptation that leads us to self-knowledge, to humility. I. M. March 30, 1842.

Letter 514

I don't know what effect my letter will have on you and your mother. "I do not find any other measure or means to extract you from the world. Everything is possible for God, but He does not work miracles unnecessarily, but tests our will. On your part, this will be the first step out of the world; you will not get away from reproach, you must prepare yourself for this. I have warned you against the deception of the enemy by arrogance, and I confirm this, by which he can harm more than vices, and so subtly that you cannot know his deceit. When you had a deal with the light, then you saw your weaknesses and defeats, through which you threw yourself into insignificance, grieving over it and beware: but now, having put away from you that battle, you will find another, more dangerous than the first, – arrogance; That is why I advise you not to abandon your studies, even the household part, which will concern you. Having written to you all that I found necessary, I entrust you to the protection of God and the Most-Pure Virgin Mother of God, – that they may arrange for you according to Their will. Mnogogreshny I. M. March 30, 1842.

Letter 515