The measure I propose to you to preserve yourself from worldly intrigues by changing your costume seems unsatisfactory to you. I do not argue against this, and when you find from it, instead of benefit, harm to yourselves, from the praise of men, then you can also wear your usual clothes, guarding yourself from thoughts, words, and deeds that harm your soul. I thought that you (as I heard from you), through the use of the light, received spiritual harm, then through a change of clothes you could distance yourself from it; but since it is not before you now, it remains at your will: either to follow my advice, or to follow your own reason. I still thought that black clothes could be for you a bridle against passions and an irretrievable renunciation of the world. But since my opinion has come out erroneously, I am not in the least compelling you to do so. Do not be afraid of the praise of men, but beware of your own or demonic praise, that is, arrogance or conceit. Of course, the monastery crackers and brushes would be better off wiping you, but time will not pass yet. And they are not visible to you now. Your sisters have experienced, they may know. I. M. May 16, 1842.

Letter 516

You took my surrender to your will and the discussion of changing your clothes as an insult on my part, and you yourself were offended by it. On the contrary, I have not been offended in the least, but have simply left it to your will when you find my opinion inconvenient and useless. I do not dare to insist on the law to anyone, but I give advice on their notification; but I cannot rely on it: do I truly think in accordance with the will of God; for I consider myself not yet to have attained the gift of reasoning, be calm. You are now clothed in dark garments; but will it be of any use? –Time will tell. I fear for you now more for the arrogance and vanity that may come to you, through external and internal praise, and for lack of temptations and sorrows, through which you would come to know your weaknesses and come to humility. In the monastery there is an abundance of all kinds, and there is no time for exaltation; and do not think that when you go to a monastery, you will be calm; – No, this is not the path that is acquired by those who are saved; but through many labors, temptations, sorrows and humility; and without the former, the expectation of rest is vain. The Holy Fathers offered us the path to salvation, walking on it with suffering feet, and not with joy; and even if anyone thinks that he has found eternal peace of mind, he should be afraid, according to the words of Isaac the Syrian. But it seems that the time has not yet come for you to enter the field of this battle; pray to God, He is able to lead you out of the darkness of the shadow of death that surrounds you in your mind. Because of the gathering of the people on feast days to the church of God, you do not need to distance yourself from it and be deprived of hearing the Divine Liturgy on such days; but you can withdraw from people by standing in a solitary place, regardless of their reproaches, and without fear of temptation. I. M. June 9, 1842.

Letter 517

If the measure of change of clothing has benefited you, then leave it to God's providence, which cares for you, and notice the intrigue of the enemy who resists it. I do not wish to inflict your grief on your mother by forcibly and obstinately separating you from her; but to part from the world according to your desire, by this measure I thought to make the beginning; although living in the world, yet not to belong to him in any way, and not to give hope of communion with him. Your mother is sick and grieves for you, but I do not know what consolation to give her. I do not advise you to leave it, but I am afraid to give advice to cling to the world, so as not to sin before God, for your disorder and betrayal of His calling. I leave all this to God's providence: as He pleases, so let Him do. God is able to give your mother consolation, but let her seek it from the Creator, and not from the creature; many examples could be found, but I consider them superfluous. May the Lord Himself enlighten her heart and console her with His incorruptible consolation. The lack of your present dress can be made up for in abundance by your former dress, sold for a price. Calico is not an expensive material, but satisfied with a decent cover for your body; do not worry about adorning it, but try to adorn your soul. What will happen next is not in our power and providence. Surrender to the will of God and be calm. I. M. June 25, 1842.

Letter 518

I don't know where you are now? As far as I can see, you have lost nothing by leaving you to adorn yourself with finery, but although it is embarrassing against the world, this deprivation compensates for the consolation of the soul and peace of conscience. Your present sorrows are training and preparation for monastic sorrows; and those who are first tempted by them, the easier it will be afterwards; and those who were not visited by them at the beginning, the afterwards will be the abandonment, which we see on K.'s mother: her sorrows weigh her down greatly, and she does not see consolation, and at the beginning she did not see them; I have a letter from her dated August 24. However, God measures our strength and knows the time – when, to whom to send what, in order to arrange salvation, but she stands in his way: for through many tribulations it behooves us to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven (Acts 14:22). You ask me about the treatment of yourself; I cannot hinder you; those who are not cured have only the measure of faith, and not praise; but whoever is treated with the hope of God's help, and not of medicine and a healer, does not sin. Dreams have nothing to believe; if your dream is also attributed to the fact that there is a change of clothes, then this can serve to confirm in it; but all beware of the enemy's stooge, from which may the Lord deliver you by His mercy. I. M. September 8, 1842.