I didn't realize how extensive this blow was until years after I left. I now realize that this group has done me a lot of harm, that I was a victim of mind control. My purpose in writing this account of my experience is to give people a sense of what it's like to be a Scientologist, what draws people to Scientology, and to show the mind control techniques used in Scientology. It's an unpretty picture, but having this knowledge is vital if you want to help a friend or loved one free themselves from the clutches of this extremely destructive cult.

As painful as my experience was, I am now finally happy that I am free again and can make my own decisions in my life. However, some people were not so lucky. Quentin Hubbard, L. Ron Hubbard's son and a close friend of mine, committed suicide at the age of 22 because he saw no way out of the trap he was in. Born in Scientology, he could not imagine life outside the cult, but he could not stand life in it. He is dead and no one will undo the harm done to him, but it is not too late for others. If this work will help someone get a loved one out of Scientology, then maybe my years in this cult have not been in vain.

How I was involved

I have always been a very inquisitive person when it comes to matters of life and human nature. As a teenager, I kept detailed diaries of my experiences, my thoughts about them, and my understanding of life. Well aware of the serious problems that exist in the world, I wanted to improve it somehow. Many of my friends took drugs to escape the pressures of circumstance, but I didn't join them. I was a person with a very strong will and did not succumb to the influence of the team. According to my mother, I was a "free soul."

I was very interested in ideas that differed from the accepted norm. I felt that the world needed innovative concepts and solutions, and I hoped to someday make a tangible contribution to solving common problems. I read everything I could find on the subject of human nature and how we could use our full potential. I strongly believed that in order to change the world, we had to change ourselves, and so I was very interested when I heard about a book called Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health.

It was the fall of 1970, I was 17, and I was just starting my studies at the University of Utah, majoring in music. I've been making music since I was four years old, coming from a family of musicians, and I always thought I was going to be a musician, but that year I questioned that assumption. Denying everything my parents wanted for me caused me a strong morning struggle, but at the same time, I knew I had to go my own way. This inner struggle, prevalent among people my age, was one of the factors that made me vulnerable to Scientology.

I was very interested in psychology and attended an introductory course that interpreted everything in favor of behaviorists. Little has been said about other forms of psychology that might have suited me better. With the limited information I had, I concluded that this organization was of little use and resumed my search.

At the university, there was a professor of music, Sally Peck, who studied Scientology. Sally was the leading violist of the Utah Symphony Orchestra and a respected member of society. One of her students told me about Scientology and took me to a free lecture on communication in December 1970, shortly after my eighteenth birthday. There was nothing amazing about the content of the lecture, but I was impressed by the people. Many of them were artists and musicians who seemed to gain a deep understanding of the basics of life and their creative work here. After the lecture, I bought a book on Dianetics and spent my Christmas vacation at home in Michigan reading it. I just couldn't put this book down – I was fascinated. L. Ron Hubbard seemed to have developed a groundbreaking theory about the human mind and the cause of all human aberrations, as well as a technique called auditing, designed to put the theory into practice and thus free the world from war and madness. This is how my journey began. Back in Salt Lake City in January 1971, I began my first Scientology course.

Bait

I think it's important now to explain what it was about Scientology that attracted me. Every cult, no matter how sinister it may seem, has something positive in it that is used as bait to attract people. After all, if everything in the cult was negative, no one would have joined. I do not believe that masochism is part of human nature, people do not want to suffer from the humiliation and degradation that flourish in cults; People join a cult because they think there is something about it that can help them change some undesirable things and grow as a person to live a fuller and happier life.