About another autumn feast of the Venerable

October 8

In all the entries there is one thing - eternal haste, preoccupation with current affairs. Sometimes there is a small choice: to be in time for the akathist before the vigil or to walk one stop on foot. Choosing the latter. I really want to look at the beauty of nature not only from the window of the train, but also to walk with my own feet on the grass that is not yet everywhere withered, look at the colors of autumn and breathe in its smells. I want to see the Caucasian crocus - and it flashed with a soft lilac light in someone's flower bed among fallen leaves and still fresh green grass. Such small joys, thank God, can still be pleasantly exciting. This is somewhat comforting, especially among experiences that are not worth talking about, but cannot be forgotten. There are many things that can rightly be called an enemy affair, one can feel sorry for everyone who falls into his net, from which it is so difficult to get out. Of course, all this is due to a lack of humility and the weakness of our prayer. But back to the road.

Smoke is creeping here and there. These are heaps of fallen leaves, tops and brushwood. Quiet and calm around. For the first time this year we saw a pair of bullfinches, it seems that it is too early for them to be in our area. do not surprise us, they snoop in the bushes, whistling loudly. Quite rarely: two or three raspberries were waiting for us, leaning out between the fence boards. The domes of the Lavra shine ahead. If your soul is peaceful, if you are warm from the knowledge that you are going to the Venerable, if there is such a "dissolution of the airs" around, such a generous filling of every nook with warm sun, such a variety of shades, such a clear sky, then you can believe the saints who said that heaven and hell begin here. Everyone knows that hell is rarer, but heaven is rarer, God grant that! And he gives it through His great mercy and intercession to the Monk Abba. Here we are already in the fence. As it should be, there are a lot of people. We go to the Smolensk church. Usually it is closed, and on the occasion of the repair of the Academic Intercession Church, they serve in Smolensk. It is much smaller than the closed Pokrovsky Theater, but it has its own amazing atmosphere: the children, students of the Theological Schools, stand together with the people, the choir is right there. Everyone and everything is nearby. When they sing in the altar and on the kliros, it seems that the whole world is immersed in a sea of church hymns, that there is nothing else but the feast in the Lavra. The service was headed by Bishop Anatoly (Kuznetsov)CXXXVII. He has aged, changed in appearance, but his eyes and voice have remained the same. The stichera to the Monk sounded very good: "Peace, Venerable, having forsaken..." and two more on "Lord, I have cried." The service ended quickly. Again we run to the train in order to get off in the morning, still in the moonlight, and go there again.

Outside the windows of the train, dawn is dawning. Steam rises from the lowlands and melts in the rays of the rising sun. We were in time for the liturgy in the Smolensk church. Vladyka Anatoly served, he said "the word." In short: St. Sergius over the long years of podvig was able to sympathize with everyone, to love everyone, to ache with his soul for everyone, that not only the surrounding residents, but also the princes suffering from internecine strife were drawn to him. Now many things in life are not the same, but even now there are many sorrows, many things divide people, many suffer from oppression and fear. Then, during his lifetime, St. Sergius erected a simple wooden church in honor of the Holy Trinity, so that the thought of the greatness, power, and mutual love of all the Persons of the Holy Trinity would take root, and when looking at Her, the fear of discord would be overcome... Now, striving to enter the abode of the Holy Trinity, we must, beginning with ourselves, strive to overcome all evil thoughts, desires unworthy of Christians, and even more so our actions...

We should think about preaching, about a holiday, about ourselves, but it is easier in silence, solitude, better in nature, but we do not have such an opportunity. It is also good that we see on the way, again from the window of the train, yellow birches, golden from the sun, yellowing larches, bronze oaks. In some places, there are completely bare trees. The sky is bright and blue. If only to pray, looking at such beauty. But... when talking or listening, you do not pray, and if you do not speak and pray openly in public, you will sin more, and it is not for me. May God grant that I may at least remember the feast in my soul, not be irritated by all the interferences, which, both by agreement, strive to spoil everything that is possible, if only to overshadow the feast, the Lavra, and the beauty... Thank God that at least somehow, but the bright autumn feast of the Venerable One stands in my memory, over the years losing the exclusivity of each individual celebration, but remaining a general feeling of miracle and a thirst to somehow express gratitude, but with what and how?

Sergius Day

October 8, 1991

This year we were able to visit Diveyevo before the feast of St. Sergius. When we returned from there – and we had been there for only two days – it was even more acute that we were at home here, especially in the Lavra. For this day, we all received a gift: for the vigil, a shield was strengthened on the façade of the station, where it was written in large letters, a little stylized in Slavic script: Sergiev Posad. At the same time, it is impossible not to recall our Russian monks on Mount Athos, who are fighting for special attention to the sound of the dear Name. They may not have been able to formalize it strictly in form, but the meaning of their aspirations is clear to CXXXVIII. Involuntarily, a special depth is heard in the sound of a dear name. Even on the train, the announcement heard: "The train goes to Sergiev Posad" pleases. And let no one in the Lavra wait, meet, greet, but from the Abba himself, contrary to common sense, you expect something good, some gift for consolation. I want consolation to raise my wings at least a little, heavy from the clinging garbage of daily upsets, worries, annoying sad memories.

In order to break away from everything, switch, forget the current, I walk several kilometers to the Lavra. In some places surprisingly good, especially where there is a lake. There are few people, the forest road is deserted. Green spruces greet with silence and the smell of pine needles, - with a joyful squeak and cheerful character. Everything seems like a fairy tale, especially pleasant if you do not see these lands for a long time. By five o'clock, pilgrims from all over gather in a tight group at the entrance to the Trinity Cathedral. Again the same anxiety: they will let you in, they will not let you in. I don't want to think about it, but it's hard to get distracted, because on this day I especially want to go to the Venerable. Soon they began to let us in little by little. Again the soul is restless: will you have time to seep in? At any moment, another steward can come and order to close the door so as not to let anyone in. And so it was, but, thank God, only after we had found ourselves in the narthex and even, to our great surprise, in the church itself, protected as always on such days by a bulky stasidia.

That evening, perhaps even after the plywood, without icons, iconostasis in Diveyevo, our Trinity Monastery sparkled with such a wealth of colors that it takes your breath away. One never ceases to be amazed at how generously and thoughtfully, unobtrusively the tyabla of the iconostasis is decorated, how the radiance of multi-colored lamps harmonizes with its silver. And one more feature has been noticed: at the moment of a rush of sad thoughts, sorrowful memories, the same icons seen countless times in the iconostasis begin to shine brighter, as if they are really windows through which invisible light penetrates to us. When they write about "windows" in clever books, you believe it, but with your mind, but with your heart, you can see, apparently, as a consolation... Until the festal vespers began, I think that not so much to see with the eyes as to feel beauty with the whole soul is a gift of God. One can look and not see, not respond to any manifestation of beauty. This is so familiar, apparently, to the majority. When the Six Psalms were read and the lights were turned off, I noticed that even then the colors of the icons did not twitch with a gray veil of twilight, but continued to burn surprisingly harmoniously, harmoniously, joyfully. What a blessing it is for all believers – the Lavra! They serve on holidays especially quickly, after the anointing they are also quickly escorted to the square. We are accustomed to this, and therefore we procrastinate, huddle in the corner as long as possible in order to stay longer at the vigil. But it was our turn, and we found ourselves outside the door. We go to the Refectory Church. They are only reading the canon there.

We decided to look into the Uspensky. A crowd pours out of the cathedral. This means that they can soon begin a general confession. And they began. The hieromonk came out and began to read the prayers before confession very quietly. It's good if they know each other, otherwise you won't hear a word and, therefore, you won't understand anything. We attach ourselves to the only lectern at which the hieromonk stands. He lets go of his "children", who, of course, come and come, regardless of anyone. Perhaps other fathers have come, but now everyone is surrounded by a dense crowd, so we must wait, endure, without losing hope. The turn came, and we were "forgiven" as well.

We go out into the night, we go Posad. The weather is unusually good for this time of year. Someone's or nobody's big dog touches the hand with a cold nose. In this movement, you can feel trust, and even from this dog's trust it warms your soul. We were promised a roof, where it is unlikely that we will be able to fall asleep, but we can at least lie down, give rest to our legs. It is dark and quiet on the outskirts of Posad. And we came in darkness, and we leave in the same way. It is necessary to be in time for the early Liturgy, which begins at 4.45.