Preface

Is it possible to be a believing Orthodox person in the modern world? How can we learn to live as a Christian? Where to start your path to God and the Church? A person who has seriously thought about the meaning of his life inevitably has many questions, and he seeks answers to them not only in church, but also in books, in periodicals, and even on the Internet. It seems that this is not entirely true: it is impossible to learn the spiritual life "at a distance" or to conduct it theoretically, without participating in the divine services and sacraments of the Church. But it is quite possible to give such a person the right direction, to help him understand what is most important in church life, what is worth paying special attention to in church and in the world around him. It is no less important to try to answer those questions that necessarily arise in the mind of a person of the Church as he "grows up." These are the tasks set by the editorial board of the journal "Orthodoxy and Modernity" and the Internet portal of the same name. Questions about why a spiritual father is needed, how to find one, to what extent to obey, what difficulties arise in the relationship with a spiritual father are among the most important and fundamental in spiritual life. It can even be said that a novice Christian needs a course in "spiritual security techniques" in order to learn the ability to distinguish true pastors from false elders, of whom there are many today (even such a concept as "young eldership" has arisen). By their fruits ye shall know them (Matt. 7:16), said the Lord. The "fruits" of irresponsible or misunderstood "spiritual leadership" are, unfortunately, sad: broken destinies, broken families, loss of faith... And, on the contrary, many mistakes are avoided by those who are fortunate enough to meet a prudent spiritual father: he is able to teach his flock how to live in Christ, because he himself lives in accordance with the will of God. We hope that in our collection you will find answers to the most common questions about the problems of the clergy. But if there is something else that worries you in connection with this topic and that the authors of the collection have not touched upon, ask: we are waiting for you in the sections "Question to the Bishop" and "Question to the Priest" of the portal "Orthodoxy and Modernity" (www.eparhia-saratov.ru).

Archimandrite Alexy (Polikarpov). First of all, one must be a son or daughter of the Church

A spiritual father and a spiritual child - sometimes these relationships are very difficult. What role does spiritual guidance play in the life of every Christian, and can every priest become a spiritual father? What is the measure of a spiritual child's trust in his mentor and the measure of a pastor's responsibility to his flock? Are there any rules of spiritual nourishment that can be followed to avoid "pitfalls" in the relationship between a spiritual father and his child? And is it possible to do without a mentor on the difficult path to salvation at all? These and other questions are answered by the well-known spiritual father, abbot of the St. Danilov Stavropegic Monastery in Moscow, Archimandrite Alexy (Polikarpov). - Fr. Alexis, what would be the definition of the term "confessor"? What is its significance in the spiritual life of a Christian? - Usually, a confessor is a priest who advises and instructs a Christian on the path of salvation. He can simply perform the Sacrament of Confession: a person has confessed, the Lord has manifested His grace – his sins have been forgiven – and they have parted ways and may never meet each other again. But it may also be that the priest confesses it not once, but regularly and throughout his life, or is even a spiritual director... - And what is the difference between the role of a spiritual father, a spiritual director, and the role of a spiritual father? - Both are "fathers". But a spiritual leader is a priest who guides a person through life, leads through his good guidance. And it is accomplished first of all through the spiritual obedience of this person to his pastor. In this case, he is already a spiritual leader, a spiritual father. The idea is often expressed, as good advice, that every Christian must have his own spiritual father, must be guided by someone. But this is a very delicate issue, and it must be approached very carefully. For example, it is not uncommon for inexperienced priests to lead people to salvation, when instead of good fruit an evil one is born – grave mistakes that can seriously harm the souls of the flock. On the other hand, one can encounter people who, with a certain vanity, proudly say that "we have such and such a spiritual father with such and such a name, and we are his spiritual children." It may sound nice, but will they be able to derive spiritual benefit from this communication, so exalted by communication with an experienced mentor? After all, the essence is not in the big names of mentors, but in the very life and actions of those being mentored. I remember the words of Father Andronik, the Schema-Archimandrite of Glinsk, who completed his earthly journey in Tbilisi. He said, "Whoever obeys me is my child." The Holy Fathers say that when you ask a spiritual father a question and receive an answer, you must certainly fulfill what he says, to fulfill the given blessing. But we are not always ready for this, because we do not always seek God's will, we are not always ready to have obedience. Sometimes a person "just" asks. It may be driven by curiosity, or vanity, or something else, but in such cases, of course, it is impossible to say that a person has spiritual nourishment. - Is obedience a prerequisite for spiritual nourishment, or is there no nourishment without obedience? - The principle of spiritual life is as follows: if both the questioner and the one who answers are ready for nourishment, then yes, obedience is an indispensable condition for spiritual nourishment. But we know about such spiritual activity, about such "lofty matters," mainly from books about ancient asceticism: we read a lot, especially now, when, thank God, a large amount of spiritual literature has appeared. And, having read it, sometimes we try to imitate the ascetics, but it does not always turn out skillfully. But in some cases, you don't need to do this. For example, the relationship between the confessor and the child. In modern times, a priest cannot take upon himself the leadership of a person to the same extent as it was, for example, in ancient monasteries, when a disciple lived with an elder and every word, every movement was coordinated, every thought was confessed. And if we try to apply it in our lives, it sometimes turns out to be clumsy, awkward, and not always useful. And what is practically possible for us is that the confessor gives some general advice - for edification and not even always, perhaps, for fulfillment; he can offer them in the form of recommendations, and the child compares these counsels with his own life circumstances, and, applying his own spiritual experience and, as the Holy Fathers teach, without fail harmonizing everything he hears (and his entire spiritual life in general) with the Gospel, he sees to what extent this advice is feasible for him. And one more note: it is very important that both the pastor and the flock be guided by love and sincere good disposition towards each other. The letters of Father John (Krestyankin) are very interesting in this respect. Now, thanks to the published correspondence, he is revealed even more to all of us - to those who knew him personally, and to those who only heard about him, and even to those who only after his death became acquainted with him through books and began to use his advice and instructions. And here is what should be noted: his letters are of a very sober character, there is no enthusiasm in them, but, on the contrary, a very sensible attitude towards everything. If, for example, a young man (a boy or a girl) wants to become a monk and live in a monastery, then Father John, while approving his aspiration, nevertheless says that it must be sound and balanced. In addition, he adds that it is necessary to take into account how his parents feel about such an intention. It is this aspect that we sometimes miss: how does the family react to such a turn in life? Such surprises especially often happen to people who have recently converted to the faith and believe that they are following Christ, and moreover, in the worst case, they look upon their household as enemies: "And a man's enemies are his own household" (Matt. 10:36), and at best they believe that it is not necessary to listen to their opinion. - Should the opinion of parents be taken into account, even if they are non-believers or non-church people who are unable to understand the spiritual impulse of their offspring? - Yes, we must listen to them, we must not "step over them" and by doing so we will help them, maybe not immediately, but after some time to make this bold and extraordinary decision for them. If we are Christians, then through us the name of God should be glorified, not blasphemed. Therefore, it is impossible for parents to become victims on the spiritual path of their children. This, of course, would be completely wrong. After all, as a rule, they are people who have lived through years of atheism, who most often eventually come to Christ, to the Church, and see that the choice that their children made was justified, although, unfortunately, sometimes it is different. And returning to the topic, I will say that the relationship with the spiritual father should also be built on a sober basis. If I am ready to accept what the priest tells me, if I am ready to follow his advice, then God bless. Then God will be in our midst. And if I ask for a blessing for my rash actions or for jealousy that is not reasonable, and then say that "I was blessed this way and for some reason it suddenly didn't work out," then to whom in this case do I have any complaints: to myself, to my spiritual father, to God? Probably, to myself... - What should I get a blessing for? Some people think it is right to ask the priests about their every action, while others very rarely come with even some serious life questions. - In principle, I repeat, if it were possible to live in the likeness of ancient monasteries, then it would be possible to take a blessing for everything. For a glass of water, to make an extra bow... - Is such a degree of obedience possible for someone in our time? - I don't think so. It's almost impossible. Of course, there remains the paternal expression: "If there is a novice, there will be an elder," but still the conditions of life in our country are completely different. First, are there any elders who could take upon themselves such leadership? When Fr Kirill[1] was asked if there were any elders now, the priest joked that "there are old people, but there are no elders." Second, are we willing to do everything we are told to do without question? After all, what often happens is that some people try to follow exactly what they read in books about obedience, while others simply dismiss everything: "This is not for us, because it is impossible in our time." Both the first and the second are delusions. - Is a spiritual father responsible for his spiritual child? - He is responsible for his blessings. There are various cases, for example, when someone dares to give a blessing to a person to leave the family or to "unfold" his household affairs in such a way that they are built at an unforeseen "angle" and lead to unexpected, dramatic consequences. But here, of course, a person must try to assess his own position: whether he will be able to fulfill it, whether he needs to do it, whether it will be for the benefit and salvation of himself and his loved ones. In this connection, I would like to note that there is a lot of talk about young elders, when young, completely inexperienced priests take on the task of leading people; But they are probably still driven by genuine jealousy. Maybe they make some mistakes, but of course they want all those people who come to them to be saved. O Lord, bless and make wise all in the work of salvation... - On the question of young eldership, not so much about young eldership as about the mistakes of young pastors: what are they, for example, in pastoral care? - Sometimes they bless what is impossible for a person to lift, give a burden that he cannot bear. For example, a heavy penance that is unenforceable. But penance is only a reminder of sins, it is a kind of pious exercise: when a person fulfills it, he always brings to mind his sins and brings repentance for them. Penance is not a punishment. And, of course, it should be given in accordance with the spiritual level of development. If a person has crossed the threshold of the church for the first time, has come to confession for the first time, then it is hardly worth giving him penance - a lot of prostrations or many canons, when, at best, he has just learned to make the sign of the cross, and it is good if he knows a few prayers, or maybe even not. In general, according to the spiritual level of a person, it is necessary to give such a pious exercise that would move him forward, would not stop him, would not lead him to despondency, but would help him to take the path of repentance, the path of Christian life. One of the most dangerous mistakes of spiritual fathers is that they sometimes lead to themselves and not to Christ... - If the relationship between the confessor and the child has already developed, then what "pitfalls" can there be in this case? - There may be grievances. People can be offended that they are not given enough attention, especially women: Tanya was paid attention to, but Manya was not, there may be some kind of jealousy, unreasonable jealousy, because sometimes we do not condescend to each other... - And what basis can this jealousy have for itself? -Foundation? Infirmity. And above all, our own infirmity. Even if, for example, I am offended, and, as it seems to me, unjustly (we are offended by what? - by what seems unfair to us, and therefore the cause of offense is our passions and self-love), we must always realize and remember that we are going to Christ, and not to man. We come to God and offer our repentance to Him. We come to our spiritual father, open our soul to him, and he, having prayed, makes a decision that the Lord announces to him, and communicates it to us. If we accept what he said as God's will, we must do it. But it also happens that we consider his words unfair, and this is where resentment and claims to the priest personally are born. Of course, this must be confessed immediately. In such cases, people ask, "What if I change my spiritual father?" But then you have to figure out why I'm doing it. Even if I go to another priest and continue to be offended and reproach someone and not myself, will it be of any use? Of course not. In the face of such a temptation, it is best to pray and reveal to your spiritual father everything that is in your heart, and only after that, if necessary, make a final decision. It is quite possible that the temptation will go away: frequent and sincere confession will heal this wound. For example, one woman said (it was in the Lavra, where there are many spiritual fathers): "Today, I feel that I have to go to confession to Father John, tomorrow I will go to Father Stephen, the day after tomorrow to Father Peter..." Such reasoning, of course, is not correct. What was her motivation? That every one would say to her after her heart? This is wrong. - Is it possible to describe the "ideal" relationship between a spiritual father and his child, which is possible in our time, under our conditions? - There is a concept of an evangelical father (mother) - this is when a spiritual father - a priest or an elder (elder) - "receives" the person tonsured (tonsured). And during the performance of tonsure, there is such a moment (at least, there is such a custom in monasteries): the hand of the elder who perceives the future monk is placed on the Gospel, and the hand of the newly-tonsured is placed on top, and the priest who performs the tonsure, turning to the elder-confessor, says: "Behold, I entrust to you before God the newcomer" (this means that from that moment on he will be responsible for it before God at the Last Judgment). And to the newly-tonsured one he says: "Obey the elder, as Christ's." This is what the concept of "perfect relationships" is all about. In a parish, in an ordinary church, lay children and priests-confessors are bound by bonds of mutual affection, and this already gives rise to obedience - this mutual agreement is salvific. If, for some reason, a person decides that he cannot be nourished by this priest, then he should not leave with a tight heart and gloomy feelings. In this case, it is better to explain yourself, so that after parting, meeting later by chance, you can greet and the layperson can take a blessing from the priest, and not bypass him, remembering the bitter moment of the breakup and the difficulties that preceded it, which is difficult for both of them and, of course, not in a Christian way. - And who can become a spiritual father? - In our Russian Orthodox Church, in most cases, every priest who serves in the parish and has the right to confess becomes a spiritual father. Gradually, he also acquired his own flock, which came to him as his spiritual father. In the Greek Church, as far as I know, not all, but certain priests are appointed spiritual fathers. - Can someone other than a priest be a spiritual mentor, for example, just a person who is more experienced in the spiritual life? - Yes, maybe, but it is no longer literally a "spiritual father", but rather a spiritual brother or - there is such a thing - a spiritual mother. Moreover, such nourishment and counseling is possible not only in monasteries, but also in the world. After all, if all this is sound and sober, if a person speaks from his spiritual experience, then why not listen to him and take advantage of his spiritual practice... Still, it is impossible to draw a complete analogy between him and his spiritual father. - Are there any qualities that can prevent a priest from becoming a pastor? "First of all, his conscience should tell him that. If he has something on his conscience, some negative circumstances in his life, or character traits that are unacceptable for such service, traits of spiritual appearance... Nevertheless, unsuitability for pastoral care is determined by the hierarchy. And the Russian people have always loved and still love their priests and are ready to forgive them everything. - And in what case is it necessary to change the confessor? - If there is no benefit for the soul. But, probably, we need to look at it on a case-by-case basis. If there is a need to part with one's pastor, it is better, of course, to consult with a more experienced one, with a senior one. I am sure that any priest, when they come to him with lamentations and cries and say: "Father, I feel that I am not getting any benefit from your leadership, I want to go somewhere, to ask someone," will say: "Of course, we need to consult on what to do next." - Is it possible to have a full-fledged spiritual life leading to salvation without a spiritual father? - By and large, the presence of a spiritual leader is not a guarantee of salvation. It is possible to live near a spiritual father and at the same time gain nothing. It is possible to take a blessing on everything and at the same time be guided by our own will, because often we come to hear not God's will, but a blessing on our decision, on our desires. That is possible. And if a person fulfills God's commandments, lives in a Christian way, cleanses his conscience through repentance, this does not mean that he is his own complete leader and has mercy on himself, forgives and punishes himself. Of course not. Therefore, even without a spiritual father, a person can be saved, of course. - What if a person is looking for spiritual guidance and does not find it? How can one find a spiritual father, not for some abstract person, but for oneself? - I think there may be different ways. If a person lives in a certain place, in a small town, village, village, where there is only one priest, and at the same time he does not have the opportunity to go somewhere else, to go and meet another priest, then the only way is to say to himself in a humble and simple heart: "Lord, bless!" and accept the local priest as his spiritual father. For example, in pre-revolutionary Russia, records were kept of who went to confession when, and who took communion. The parishes were orderly, a person could only approach the Sacraments in his parish; The neighboring parish had its own parishioners. And now there is complete freedom in this matter and there is an opportunity to choose a spiritual father according to one's heart. You just need to pray, and the Lord will reveal to whom to dispose. - And what if a person has not been able to find a spiritual father? - Let him go to church, confess, take communion, and the Lord, of course, will not leave him. First of all, you need to be a son or daughter of the Church - this is the most important thing, and the Lord will add the rest. - Fr. Alexis, what advice would you give to young pastors who are just starting their ministry? - I cannot advise pastors: I am not a shepherd over them, they are advised by their archpastors... And to all of us, sinners, people who want to purify our souls, I advise you to come to confession more often with a broken and humble heart. And if we feel in ourselves the sins that have multiplied like the sand of the sea, and if we sincerely repent of them, then we will be able to say that we are on the right path. Interviewed by Tatyana Byshovets This refers to Archimandrite Kirill (Pavlov), the former confessor of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra.^

Bishop Longin of Saratov and Volsk. Empowering God to Act

The first thing that should be said when answering the question of why a spiritual father is needed is that Christianity cannot be taught theoretically. A true Christian attitude to life has been handed down from person to person since apostolic times. And the apostles themselves were with Christ, they received the truths of the Gospel in their entirety thanks to the fact that He taught them not only by word, but also by His very life. Teaching and instruction by personal example became the basis of monasticism, which in turn can be called the foundation of the Church, but it is also very characteristic of Christianity as a whole. Ideally, everyone who wants to come to God should meet a person who is already on the same path and be guided by his example in his life. There is an ancient Church Slavonic expression: "drugaprietno". It very accurately expresses the essence of such a local movement. And when we meet a person in our lives who can set an example for us, it is only natural that we turn to him with questions about our spiritual life. The fact is that, despite the diversity of human characters, the ways by which people come to God have some common patterns. The Apostle said of Christ: "As He Himself endured when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are tempted" (Hebrews 2:18). In the same way, a person who has faced inner difficulties and overcome them can help another person. And so we turn to the one in whom we see spiritual experience with our perplexing questions. In Russia, a priest in a parish has always been charged with the duty (as is still the case today) to direct the spiritual life of his flock. Not only to perform divine services, church sacraments or services, but also to confess, advise, instruct, and answer questions. That is why church canons say that ordination to the priesthood is possible no earlier than 30 years old. This is the age when a person becomes a real adult, acquires some, albeit not very large, but his own life experience. Unfortunately, today we have a great need for clergy, and we cannot strictly follow this rule: we ordain those who are much younger. Nevertheless, if a person, in preparing for the priestly ministry, learns to live as a Christian, he can help those people who are just coming to the Church. Digressing a bit, I will say that when future priests ask me: "How can we learn to confess people?", I answer: "In theory, there is no way. There is only one way, and that is to confess to a spiritually experienced person on a regular basis." In general, it is impossible to learn a great deal in the Church except by living the life of the Church. There are many textbooks on pastoral theology, but what is written in them will only be a dead weight for someone who has not lived a full-fledged church life himself. * * * A confessor is first and foremost a priest whom we trust. But what should this trust be based on? His words must not be at variance with his deeds. Whether this is true or not, in most cases can be verified within a fairly short time. But the first and foremost reason is that the words and deeds of this priest should not be at variance with the Gospel. If one thing is written in the Gospel, and the priest to whom we have come teaches another, completely opposite, even under the guise of piety, then there is no need to listen to him. For example, if in the Gospel it is said: "What God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matt. 19:6; Mk. 10:9), and one of the "spiritual fathers" says to the husband and wife: "You must divorce and take monastic vows," he contradicts the Gospel. No matter how ascetic he is, in his attitude to family life he contradicts the Gospel, and under no circumstances should he be listened to. We must remember that many heretics were outstanding individuals. History has brought us that Arius, the presbyter of Alexandria, the founder of one of the most terrible heresies in the history of the Christian Church, was an ascetic in his personal life. He was revered by many for his asceticism and austerity, which attract people so much. But at the same time, his teaching sharply contradicted the Holy Scriptures. Therefore, those who were carried away by his preaching (and for a time most of the Church was carried away by what he said) became heretics. Therefore, the correspondence of all the words and actions of the priest to the spirit of the Gospel is the main thing that should be paid attention to by those who are looking for a spiritual father. * * * For a modern person living in the world, it is sufficient to make a regular detailed confession to his spiritual father, a parish priest or a monastic priest of the monastery where this person has the opportunity to come on a regular basis. In order for the confessor to be able to give some advice to the confessor, to guide him, it is necessary that he knows this person and the circumstances of his life for a long time. It is impossible and unnecessary for a layman to try to reproduce in his relations with his spiritual father the models that are given to us in the ancient paterikas. St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov) wrote that in his time the genuine, spirit-bearing teachers became impoverished. There are very few of them, more actors who put on the guise of ancient ascetics. Moreover, these words are relevant for our time. There is no need to look for unquestioning, world-renunciating obedience, which we see in ancient narratives, for example, in the story of that novice who, at the word of his elder, went to plant seedlings with the roots upwards... Unfortunately, the vast majority of modern people can no longer perceive this story in the same way as the monks of antiquity, and see the meaning that was originally embedded in it. They live a completely different life, and therefore the search for some kind of absolute, lifelong guidance on the part of the spiritual father is completely unjustified. And even if people think they have found such guidance, they are more often than not deceiving themselves. One should not expect from a priest or spiritual father clairvoyance, the ability to predict the future, to foresee. Very often, being burdened with worldly, non-ecclesiastical prejudices, even seemingly sincere believers come to the priest as... to a fortune teller of the highest category. Even though they know that Christianism has an extremely negative attitude towards any attempts to look into the future, in their weakness they want to receive momentary "guaranteed" help, to know their fate. They think that a fortune-teller can deceive, but an old man, "he will tell you for sure." And with such feelings, perhaps even without realizing them, they turn to the clergy, looking for "advertised" elders, real or imaginary. Such expectations of prophecies and searches for miracles not only interfere with leading a normal spiritual life, but often become a complete substitute for it. A person thinks that he is finding the truth, but in reality he is in delusion, in self-delusion. It is good if his confessor is a sensible person and will be able to recognize this state and direct it to the true path... Therefore, I repeat, it is very important for a believer to regularly confess to a spiritual father who knows him, who has the opportunity to observe his inner life and life circumstances for a long time, who can give him advice - not a command, not an order, but advice. And a person, if he trusts his spiritual father, of course, must fulfill this advice with faith. Obedience is done in freedom. In case of necessity, the priest or confessor advises something to the person who confesses to him, he advises, not orders. And if a person does this advice, he does it freely, of his own free will, agrees with what he is told. Even if he doesn't quite know or understand what he's going to do at the moment, he's still free to decide whether to obey him or not. And he, of course, is free to accept the words of his confessor or reject them. * * * During the years of my life at the Trinity-Sergius Lavra (1986-1992) there were several spiritual fathers of the brethren and laity, and many of the old monks I met were real spiritual fathers. The spiritual father of the brethren at that time was Archimandrite Kirill (Pavlov). I confessed to him before monastic tonsure and, of course, all those years that I was a monk of the Lavra. It is difficult to talk about Father Kirill, because many good things have been said about him by a variety of people. Of course, he was and still is an example of a spiritual father, he has all the qualities I mentioned above. But his main feature is the extraordinary love that everyone who came to him felt. There is a very good criterion by which one can distinguish a person who is truly spiritual from one who willingly or unwittingly plays at this spirituality. Fr Kirill is strict with himself and is unusually patient and affectionate to everyone around him. Those who play, on the contrary, are indulgent to themselves and very strict with people. In general, for any Christian, such an attitude should become the basic rule of inner life: we should be stricter with ourselves, not allow ourselves what we usually allow ourselves, and absolutely forgive everything to our neighbors. And we usually do the opposite: we think about how tired we are, how hard it is for us, how difficult it is for us, and therefore we forgive ourselves a lot of things, but at the same time we make the harshest demands on those who are next to us: "How could he do this?", "Why doesn't she understand?" … Back then, when Fr Kirill was still receiving people, he greeted everyone with joy. He himself is an unusually calm, unusually sober person. There is not, and never has been, a drop of exaggerated emotionality in him. There is such a thing as naturalness in communication. It is in him that this naturalness manifests itself to the highest degree. What is striking is this: all these qualities, this love for people, are preserved in a true spiritual father, despite the fact that throughout his life he has to see people from the most unsightly side – at confession, when a person repents, confesses to such actions, which usually people try not only not to talk about, but also not to remember once again. We forgive ourselves everything: betrayal, meanness, and sinfulness, and in order to keep ourselves "in good shape", if we have already sinned, we try to quickly brush it off... And in the Sacrament of Penance, a person reveals all this to his spiritual father. Thousands of people went to confession at Fr Kirill's. If an ordinary person were to see such a picture of human sinfulness, infirmities, and the ugliness of human actions, he would not be able to preserve peace of mind and an equal attitude towards all people. And for Father Kirill, it evoked nothing but an ever-growing love for people. This is the result of a right spiritual life. Another person whom I remember with gratitude is the late abbess of the Russian Pokrovsky Convent in Bulgaria, Matushka Seraphima, nee Princess von Lieven. Her father, Prince Andrei Alexandrovich, the marshal of the nobility of the Kolomna district, fought in the White Army after the revolution, then emigrated with his family through the Crimea to Constantinople. In the pre-war years in Bulgaria he became a priest himself. Here Olga Andreevna (as Matushka was called in the world) became the spiritual daughter of Vladyka Seraphim (Sobolev),[1] he tonsured her into monasticism and blessed the monastery she had founded. When I was studying in Bulgaria, I talked to Matushka Seraphima quite often, asked her a variety of questions and was amazed at her attitude to the world, her views on spiritual life. To this day, her answers seem to me to be very precise and profound. One day I went to her and told her about an unsightly act of a certain person, which also offended me in part. Subsequently, this man was expelled from the theological educational institution where he studied. I was amazed by Matushka's reaction. As she listened to me, she repeated, "Poor, poor," with a feeling not just of deep contrition, but of heartache. And I thought that if what I was talking about had been told to another person, they would probably have reacted in a very different way: "What are you? Oh, my! How could he?" And she really said the only thing about this man with compassion and pain - it was her natural reaction - was: "Poor man!" At that time, it struck me to the depths of my soul, and I think it was no coincidence that the Lord gave me such a lesson: I saw how to react to human sin, because in fact, nothing else can be said about a sinner except this word "poor." To my great happiness, in my life there have been many meetings with people who are truly deep, spiritual, philanthropic, religious, striving for spiritual life, faithful to their calling. I think that it is precisely such encounters that can give a person the strength to follow Christ. In the ancient patericon there are the following words (they belong to St. Macarius the Great): "I am not a monk, but I have seen monks." Such an opportunity to "see monks," and in a broader sense, real Christians, to live with them, to see how they work, how they live, how they pray, is the most valuable thing that the Lord sends to man on his path. * * * Should a believer seek a spiritual father? Yes, but there are a few simple rules to follow. If you go to the church you go to, which you have chosen for some reason (or it is close to your home, or you just like it there), you should try to find a priest there to whom you can regularly confess. Time will tell whether this relationship will later develop into a deeper one, the relationship between a spiritual father and a spiritual child. But you can't say to yourself, "Well, I've come to the Church, now I urgently need a spiritual father. Where to go? To Alatyr, to Diveyevo? Until I find a confessor, I won't do anything" – this, of course, is fundamentally wrong. One should pray for the gift of a spiritual father. In general, the Lord sends to the seeker what he is looking for if he really needs it, and in the form in which it is really useful. We must not forget that the Lord is necessarily present in the relationship between the spiritual father and the one who is nourished by him, because these two are gathered together in the name of God (cf. Matt. 18:20). It is not just a human relationship that is established between them, as, for example, between a teacher and a student. If we gather and fellowship for God's sake, He is always present with us. But if we try to achieve everything on our own, according to our own will and understanding, there is nothing left for Him to do in our lives. We must remember this and allow God to act. Recorded by Natalia Gorenok Archbishop Seraphim (Sobolev) of Bogucharsk was born on December 1, 1881 in Ryazan. In 1908, while studying at the St. Petersburg Theological Academy, he was tonsured a monk with the name Seraphim (in honor of St. Seraphim of Sarov). In 1909-1911, as an assistant superintendent of the Theological School in Kaluga, he often visited the Optina Hermitage and was nourished by Elder Anatoly (Potapov). On October 1/14, 1920, in the cathedral of Simferopol, he was consecrated Bishop of Lubny, vicar of the Poltava diocese. In April 1921, with the blessing of His Holiness Patriarch Tikhon, he was appointed administrator of the Russian parishes in Bulgaria with the title of Bishop of Bogucharsk. In the 1920s and 1940s, Vladyka Seraphim was active in archpastoral work, taking special care of the life of Russian émigrés in Bulgaria. A number of theological works and sermons of Vladyka have been published. Archbishop Seraphim died on February 26, 1950, the Sunday of the Triumph of Orthodoxy. His grave in the Russian church of St. Nicholas in Sofia is very revered by Orthodox believers.^

Why do we need a spiritual father?

The question about the spiritual father is one of the most frequently asked in the Church. Only it is formulated very differently. Some believe that our time is so miserable that there are no priests experienced enough to serve as spiritual mentors. Others, on the contrary, believe that it is impossible to be saved without a spiritual father. Still others are interested in a purely practical question: how to find a spiritual father? In our opinion, the topic of the clergy is the most important in modern church life, requiring discussion in its various aspects. But it seems better to start a conversation on this topic from the very first question: why do we need a spiritual father at all? By answering it, it will be easier to answer other questions. Alexander Leonidovich Dvorkin, theologian, leading specialist in sect studies, professor at St. Tikhon's Moscow Orthodox University for the Humanities: - A spiritual father is a priest to whom we regularly go to confession, who is well aware of our spiritual problems and our life circumstances. Accordingly, for our confessional practice and for a serious Christian life, it is better, of course, to go to a priest who already knows our problems and can advise us on how to solve them. But at the same time, of course, the presence of a spiritual father is not a condition for salvation. It happens that a person does not have a permanent spiritual father for some reason, but nevertheless this does not mean that without a spiritual father this person will not be able to be saved or will disappear altogether. Simply having a spiritual father is a great help to a person who strives to lead a serious spiritual life, and without a spiritual father all this can be much more difficult. But in general, at all stages of my life, I had wonderful spiritual fathers who provided me with the necessary spiritual help, especially considering the work I am doing. It is such a special blessing from God that I have always had good spiritual fathers, so it is difficult to imagine how I would have coped without them. Although there were situations when, for example, I lived in Germany, and my spiritual father lived in America, so it turned out like this: I went to confession with a priest in the church I attended, but on all important issues - they did not arise so often, but once every couple of months - I just called my spiritual father and consulted with him. And the help of a spiritual father is a prayer that protects, advice on important issues that he gives me. Priest Alexei Timakov, cleric of the Moscow Church of the Holy Venerable Zosima and Savvaty Solovetsky in Golyanovo, regular contributor to the Alpha and Omega magazine: - We plunge into spiritual life like blind kittens, and, of course, we need a guide, a person who has experience in the search for God. The most important quality of a spiritual father is his ability and ability to pray, to intercede for another, to ask God for you. Any priest who confesses a person precedes the rite of repentance with a prayer. In this way, God's presence at confession is affirmed, and His active participation in it, and the powerlessness of man in such a serious spiritual work. Regardless of his moral or intellectual qualities, the priest will sometimes say such things that the questioner is surprised: "How much has been revealed by this!" On his inner level, the priest himself could not say this, but prayer makes it possible to transmit from God what a particular person needs to hear. A spiritual father, a priest, if I may say so, is obliged by the duty of his service to pray, to read the rules, whether for better or for worse he succeeds, but he does it all the same, prepares for the Liturgy, commemorates those who asked to pray for them, takes out a particle for them at the proskomedia, and this is the most important thing that he can give to a person. Yes, of course, the priest sins, and "chops wood," and makes mistakes, but all the same he has boldness before God for people, and if a person takes the wrong path, then the Lord, through the prayers of the spiritual father, can straighten out and correct what the person himself does not have the strength to do. Is it possible to do without a spiritual father? - And how can a blind man do without a guide? If a person does not have a spiritual father, it means that he himself has to interpret the Holy Scriptures. Probably, it is possible to do this with the help of some literature, but a living word, a living example is completely different. And spiritual experience is not necessarily gained in confession: it can also be in a simple conversation. Let's recall, for example, Paisios of the Holy Mountain, who simply talked to his loved ones, and the words went from soul to soul and were firmly remembered. Sometimes spiritual experience is absorbed not even through words, but according to the image, according to the spirit. There are different ways to educate: "Do as I say!" or "Do as I do!" A true spiritual father educates by example. Of course, not every priest can be a confessor. This is evidenced by the young eldership, which is now very flourishing in our country: as soon as a priest is ordained, he is already overgrown with "spiritual children." It can be difficult to find a spiritual father, but has a person tried to pray about it? Let him try, let him search: he will come to one for confession, to another, to talk. And then a spiritual connection arises, and the person feels that he has been born again. It is not for nothing that a mentor is called a spiritual father. But more often than not, a person finds his pastor in the church where the Lord brought him for the first time. If we talk about the help that we receive from our spiritual father, it is first of all his prayers, as I said above, and, of course, good advice. Priest Sergiy Maslennikov, cleric of the Moscow metochion of the Holy Trinity Lavra of St. Sergius: - Without a spiritual father, it is very difficult to seek the path of salvation. Without it, life in the Church is practically impossible – any person who lives the life of the Church, from a simple parishioner to Vladyka, will tell you this. That is why they come to the elders-spiritual fathers, consult and ask questions. And they unquestioningly do what he tells them, even if it is difficult. The confessor teaches the cutting off of one's own will. Therefore, the nourishment of a spiritual father is, first of all, a life of obedience. The enemy is afraid of the fulfillment of the counsels of the confessor. Of course, even without a spiritual father, it is possible to follow the path of salvation and be saved, but then the path from point A to point B will not be straightforward. It is good if you happen to live not far from the Lavra or some monastery: there are spiritual fathers there and you can choose a pastor according to your heart. And in a remote small town, not everyone can find a spiritual father with a capital letter, and the people who live there do not have to talk about a "high" spiritual life. But then the Lord asks less of man. God corrects the lack of pastoral help either by giving a person his own spiritual experience or by sorrows. But there has never been a moment in my life when I was without a spiritual father. Yes, they have changed, but they have always been there, so it is difficult for me personally to say how my life would have turned out without my spiritual father. Usually, the evil one tries to "build" his "city" in the soul of a person and confuse his paths, surrounding the heart with a wall of conventions. And a person often succumbs to these temptations. And the spiritual father, by the grace of God, for the obedience of his child to him, has the power to tear down these "impassable walls." To do this, it is necessary, without concealing anything, to tell the spiritual father about the temptations that have befallen him, and then he will show the way out, and through his prayers all the enemy "formations" will be destroyed, and, having been freed, the person will be able to move further along his spiritual path. Olesya Nikolaeva, poet, teacher at the Moscow Literary Institute:

We begin to be guided by a very subtle sense of self-love or self-indulgence, and we think that we are acting honestly and correctly, according to the will of God, but in fact we may turn out to be just a toy in the hands of the evil one, who, of course, is more cunning than we are and knows much better all the secret psychological moves of his "client."

Of course, I think that life under the guidance of a spiritual father is more pleasing to God and spiritually safer. Personally, I can say with confidence that it is difficult to do without a spiritual father. Very difficult. Of course, there are circumstances when he is not around or he is not available for communication, but then you are looking for some person, wise and mature, to whom you could confide your life decisions and actions, perhaps a more spiritual person or even just an older person. In general, one of the Holy Fathers wrote that if a person wants to know the will of God, then he will know it even from a baby.

In the Gospel, Christ says: "Take note of what you hear" (Mark 4:24). If we really noticed this, we could learn all that is necessary for our salvation. Fortunately, we live in an Orthodox country, we have so many churches, we have wonderful priests with a variety of spiritual gifts – there are the kindest prostitutes, there are psychological intellectuals, there are prayerful ascetic monks, austere or, on the contrary, very merciful – and everyone can find a spiritual father according to his inclination and disposition. And if we talk about the appointment of a spiritual father, I believe that it is to help a person to hear his calling, to reveal God's plan for himself, to help him find the spiritual meaning of what is happening to him, that is, to lead him to Christ. Vladimir Legoida, editor-in-chief of the Moscow magazine "Foma": - In any business, you need a mentor, a teacher, so it is always easier when there is a leader in the spiritual life: then you will be able to avoid a lot of mistakes. More precisely, the point is not even about not making mistakes at all – you can't do without them – but about the fact that if there is a spiritual father, then he, as it were, goes through these mistakes together with the person, and this is very important. The role of the spiritual father can be compared to the role of the father in the family. It is the same in the spiritual life. Is it possible to do without a confessor? I think it is possible in principle, because in the matter of our salvation we cannot do without Christ alone. Another thing is whether it is necessary to do without? In general, in the matter of finding a spiritual father, as well as in the matter of relationships with him, it is very important, in my opinion, to avoid two extremes. On the one hand, there is a kind of conceit: "I can decide everything myself." I believe that such a self is, of course, is wrong, since it can lead far away, so if there is a priest to whom a person can turn as a spiritual father, then it is better to turn to him. At the other extreme is the desire to find a person to whom everything can be shifted. When: "Father, bless me to eat, bless me to go for a walk in the woods, bless, bless, bless..." And this is not a joke: I personally know such an attitude towards the confessor. When people, having read several works on asceticism and learned about the monastic practice of daily confession of thoughts to their spiritual father, strive at all costs to find a spiritual father, and having found one, they believe that now they can call him every day, ask many insignificant questions, and force him to solve everyday problems of their family. In fact, it is impossible for a modern secular person to deeply understand what it means to live in complete obedience to a spiritual father. It seems to me that these are two extremes, and, by the way, the second extreme can become a dangerous tendency on the part of the confessor himself; This is what is called "young eldership": when a spiritual father believes that he must and has every right to guide the will of his spiritual child at every second of his life and in all matters, including domestic and other matters. To pass between the Scylla of young age and the Charybdis of liberal "all-permissiveness" is the art of any life, including the spiritual one, and it is not regulated by any universal rules. But, of course, it is easier for those who are supporters of the existence of authorities, "beacons" to look up to. And I consider this to be the norm of life. For example, I had this experience of finding a spiritual father. I came to confession, and although it was not my first confession, it was, let's say, an initial experience, so the attitude towards it was still specific, I would say, pre-neophyte. The priest asked me a question about a sin that I was not going to confess, believing that it was something very personal, that it was impossible to talk about it. He asked me this question, and I just cried in response - I lowered my head and cried. And suddenly I heard him crying over me. And then I realized that I had a spiritual father. Answering the question of how I get help from my spiritual father, I can say that the most important thing for me is what I once heard from a wonderful priest: it is very important for a pastor to be able to inspire. And my spiritual father is a person who, of course, inspires and helps a lot in situations of that "petrified insensibility" in which you periodically find yourself. It inspires because it always shows the way to Christ. At the same time, it is not by obscuring Christ, but by showing Christ by his life and his prayers. This is a true and very powerful help in the most difficult moments, when a person falls into the seeming meaninglessness of the surrounding life. And, finally, it seems to me that the main thing in this matter was very accurately expressed by the Holy Confessor Roman (Medved): "The task of the pastor is to educate the soul in such a way that it can stand before the Lord and choose the good quite freely and consciously..." Irina Shalotina, neonatologist of the highest category, member of the Saratov Diocesan Society of Orthodox Doctors: - Happy is the one who, by the mercy of God, has found a spiritual father! Because no matter how sociable and communicative a person is, he is alone in his spiritual life. To open one's soul in order to cleanse it from sin is possible only for a spiritual father. By regularly receiving our confessions, he gets to know us much better than close relatives and friends. That is why his instruction is the most correct. When I make a decision, I am tormented by doubts for a long time. But as soon as you take a blessing from a spiritual mentor, the problem is resolved favorably, although sometimes in unexpected ways. After all, it is the Lord Himself, through the hand of the priest, who blesses our deeds, if they are pleasing to Him. And what a source of wisdom and virtue are spiritual conversations! You strive for them from the hustle and bustle of everyday life in order to gain firmness and confidence that everything is transitory, except Love. Children nourished by a spiritual father become a parish community, in which it is easier to endure all adversities. In the difficult moments of my life, I always feel the prayerful help of a spiritual father who leads us, his children, to salvation. Mikhail Mchedlishvili, Moscow icon painter, member of the Creative Union of Artists of Russia: - I think that a spiritual father is needed so that a person does not wander in the dark in search of the right life decisions. A spiritual director, having come to know a person, can guide him spiritually in a calmer and shorter way, so that he finds God and love for people in his heart, so that he goes through life with a minimum of worldly losses. A spiritual father is especially necessary in our unstable times, when so little depends on us, when a person is constantly hesitating, doubting how to act correctly. And if a child has trust in his spiritual father, a reverent attitude and a desire to fulfill his blessings, then his life is significantly simplified, he rejects many unnecessary things, and mainly doubts. From the lives of the saints we know that there were ascetics, for example, St. Mary of Egypt, who attained holiness even without spiritual guidance. But these are, of course, exceptional cases, and it is very difficult for me personally to talk about it, because I myself could not do without a spiritual mentor. I think that in general it is unlikely that a modern person can do without a spiritual father, but the great difficulty is how to find one. I can say that I had several spiritual fathers before I found my current spiritual director. What is the difference between living with and without a spiritual father? And I see this from some of my acquaintances, how hard it is for them without a spiritual father, they get so many bumps into themselves. But there is another aspect: if the confessor is far away. I live in Moscow, and my spiritual father lives in Tbilisi. I think some people are mistaken in thinking that one should visit one's spiritual father often, address him with every question, and be in his sight all the time. And it seems to me that if a person listens attentively to the words of the spiritual father, addressed to him or even to someone else, then he has a very large amount of factual material, and he has a dialogue with the spiritual father all the time, all the time he carries the image of the priest in his heart, and the communication is not interrupted, despite the distance. And the help of a spiritual father lies, of course, first of all, in his prayer. And I feel it almost on a physical level. That is, all these states of recession, of course, still exist, but nevertheless, if a priest serves a liturgy or a moleben, I always have a little hope, a certainty, that maybe he will remember me. This is already joy and strengthening of the spirit. And then there is a great joy in the fact that he is in my life and that of my loved ones: my wife, son, daughter, and grandchildren also communicate with him. He knows our life situation, he knows our entire history, and we are spiritually attached to him. I am sure that a true spiritual father desires more for his child than a child desires for himself. Marina Shmeleva, an employee of the Holy Trinity Cathedral in Saratov: - When a person goes to confession with different priests, he has to solve many issues of spiritual life on his own. It turns out that, on the one hand, he seems to be holding a council with the priest, and on the other hand, he is his own head and his own leader. At the same time, the spiritual father helps to correlate the inner experience of the believer with the patristic tradition, with the voice of the Church. In consultation with him, the Christian no longer lives according to his own mind, humbles himself before the will of others, learns to listen and hear. He can see his own actions, thoughts, and feelings as if through the eyes of another person. On the one hand, the spiritual father's view is objective: after all, he is not related to us by kinship or friendliness. On the other hand, this is not the view of an outsider who does not care about your fate, but of a person who feels sorry for you. Probably, my Kazakh friend had all this in mind when she said: "How happy you Christians are that you can go to confession, talk, and ask for advice!" Also, a spiritual father is needed in order to share with his child the experience of spiritual life, so that a believer can see an example of contemporary life in Christ. After all, there are many situations in life when it is not enough to read a smart book. At such a moment, advice and a living word of participation are invaluable. And, of course, a spiritual father is needed for support and consolation. In our time, a person who strives to live according to God's commandments is perceived by others as strange, outdated, or even not quite healthy. Relatives and friends sometimes not only push a Christian to sin, but also show that this is the norm of human relations. In such a situation, it is vital to see that you are not alone on the path to Christ, that there are at least two of you.

Archbishop Ioann of Yoshkar-Ola and Mari. Under the Wings of a Bird

A spiritual father or elder is a person who knows how the Lord Himself, your inner world, governs you, and leads you to salvation. St. Theophan the Recluse and St. Ignatius Brianchaninov said that it was difficult to find a spiritual father in their time, but in our days, according to St. Ignatius, we are guided mainly by the books of the Holy Fathers. But every Christian tianin must have a spiritual guide. The 20th century is a century of atheism, a century that seemingly destroyed both the spiritual pleiad and the priestly succession. In fact, in these incredibly difficult conditions, the Lord gave the Church elders-comforters. Having gone through prisons, deprivations, persecutions, external and internal tortures, they loved the Lord so much that they saw the image of God in every person. The more sinful a person became, the more lovingly they greeted him and gave him the opportunity to taste the sweetness of life in God through their life example. Nowadays the elders are strict, and the "young elders" are generally cruel, but then they showed the whole world first of all what Divine all-embracing love is. From childhood I was brought up in the Pskov-Pechera Monastery, which was never closed, even in the fierce godless years. And there, at that time, the continuity of the clergy was preserved – in the true sense, when the elder, according to the word of the Lord, knows his children, and the children know him. In the years of Khrushchev's persecutions, when, after a small post-war thaw, the closure of churches began again, the Pskov-Pechersk Monastery became a refuge for the spirit-bearing fathers. Schema-Archimandrite Pimen (Gavrilenko) came here from the Caucasus Mountains, who suffered a lot and went through prisons. My spiritual father, Schema-Abbot Savva (Ostapenko), was also exiled here and transferred from the Trinity-Sergius Lavra. For the first time I came to Pechory as a seven-year-old boy, on a pilgrimage trip. That's when this impressive meeting took place. Father Savva walked after the service surrounded by a crowd, quickly answered questions, shouting from all sides: "Father, pray. And he stopped in front of us. He comes up and says, "Bless me." We were scared - how is it, and what to answer. And he added, "You'll come to see me after dinner." We were invited to a fraternal luncheon, then we went to his cell, then we went to the monastery "hill", and there was the first spiritual conversation, even then very childish. My first questions were mundane, one might say, naïve, but at that time they were relevant to me, it was necessary to solve them somehow. He received a blessing to stay for the whole summer instead of ten days, to attend the Dormition. At that time we lived in the attic, at Mother Alexandra's, where we slept in rows, from fifty to a hundred children alone, with mice and rats. And there was nothing sweeter for us than holy water and monastery bread. And from that time on, for many years, that is, up to and including the tenth grade, I came to the monastery for all the holidays. What did my confessor give me? - And what I have. He knew that my path was to bear the cross in the rank of bishop, and I realized this later. We were little, but he didn't treat us at all, playing with us like children. Although at the same time he behaved like a child-loving father with children. He loved us so fatherly... Something was often brought to him from Moscow: someone would bring pineapple, another oranges, tangerines. At that time, it was only in Moscow. And so he gathers us and distributes us. But when he gave him this orange, he immediately made people pray for the person who had brought them, and make bows for him. And he always said that now you get it - remember. Life will come, as much as you have received, you will have to give a hundred times more. It was as if he was pointing to our future path. In adolescence there were sins that remained hidden and forgotten. Children are children, sometimes we do something. And then confession goes on, and suddenly the elder begins to give examples. - But some people think: this is a small sin. For the little ones, this is a great sin. And so he denounces, then you come up and let us repent of him. And you think: no one knew about it. It would seem, well, what could be there at that time - some little prank. But our spiritual father taught us to repent not just "in deed, word, or thought," but to make manifest everything that is hidden in our souls. And so that we feel what we are approaching and how we are approaching, and not just run up to "confess". And after confession there was lightness and the realization of what "finally fell off." And this child's fear of the confessor, of the priest, always remains. At the same time, he opened our hearts, and we spoke freely and did not feel any weight. He taught us to work seriously. We were amazed at how much we worked physically at that time. We began in the morning with the Midnight Office, then a fraternal moleben, and at eight o'clock breakfast. After that, we work all day, in the summer until ten o'clock in the evening, then after dinner we go to the evening monastic rule. At twelve o'clock we went to bed, at five we got up. What Is Five Hours Of Sleep – For Kids? And the Lord arranged it in such a way that grace gave strength and strength. How we longed, standing at the door in the morning, to receive a blessing... And after that, there were no questions. I received a blessing and with it came such peace in my soul, a kind of warmth, as if you were running on wings, fulfilling obediences. At first I was engaged in flowers, then I was sent to the barnyard, then to the carpenter, locksmith, blacksmith, then to work as a tinsmith, to take care of the monastery garden. The foundations of much of my external knowledge were acquired there, in the monastery, in my childhood and adolescence. I didn't know what a spiritual father was, what a spiritual father was, I never asked him these questions and didn't think about how to solve these questions. We are always trying to be "molded" into something, according to our education. But the conversations that took place in his cell later, when I grew older, were neither pompous nor theological. It was a conversation between father and son. Perplexities were resolved, first of all, concerning ordinary monastic life, behavior, and the temptations that arose every day. This generation, which has already left us, had one thing - Christ in their hearts. And Christ, through their mouths, through their works, through their hands, did that which at the present time has given many, many the ability and opportunity to establish themselves in their spiritual life. The Pskov-Pechersk monastery allowed many students of theological educational institutions to pass through it, who later became bishops, priests, and monks. And they, to a greater or lesser extent, learned from these living examples how a person should act in various situations of life. And what is spiritual life in general, not in outward appearance, not in some external splendor and beauty, not in any external firmness, determination and rigidity, but in the true spiritual sense – that God is Love, and he who abides in God abides in Love. And it is no coincidence that when the elders were persecuted, oppressed, and forbidden to receive their spiritual children, people, in spite of everything, came in droves and came to them – from Sakhalin, from the Far East, and from many other places. Each of the spiritual fathers filled one or another niche in the instruction of Orthodox Christians. Odin, through his theological knowledge, through his knowledge of the inner spiritual life, nourished the intelligentsia - doctors, teachers, scientists. Another, with his love and simplicity, attracted the commoners, and the third consoled the reserved, despondent, and sad people. The fourth, with his prayer and the gift of tears that he possessed, conquered those hardened people who saw in the monks and in the monastery some kind of external seclusion, some kind of strictness, perhaps cruelty, and certain rules, and could not perceive it. And each person who came to this monastery found for himself what was necessary for his spiritual life and what was necessary in order to rise from the external godless persecution and realize that the Lord is near us. To talk about the sacramental, about what is close to confession, is probably not yet the time. We consciously began to solve problems at the age of 16-17, when I began to understand that they had to be solved seriously. It was only after I entered the monastery that I experienced what invisible spiritual warfare is, how great it is, and how the enemy rises up against young novices. It was no longer exhaustion from physical labor, as in childhood, that the Lord allowed us to eat, but temptations from the flesh, from the world, and from the devil. When you're just a pilgrim, boy, when you're just working, it's one life. And it's quite another when you've chosen to live with Christ and in Christ. Then this invisible strife strikes at the very core, all the innermost passions are revealed, especially pride and despondency, that it crushes the person incredibly, crushes him. And with this you come to the elder. You spend the whole day preparing, thinking about how to open it, but everything is resolved in two or three minutes. He doesn't even listen, he just gives an answer as to how to conquer this passion, why it happens, and where to look for the root cause of sin. Amazingly, no matter what struck us, our hearts did not remain angry until the sun went down. The Lord prepared us, not only me, but others as well, for priestly and episcopal service, so that we would experience through our lives what sorrow is, what persecution is, what decision is. Schema-abbot Savva was very ill in the last months of his life. He needed to be outdoors all the time. And every day I carried a folding bed "on the hill". And there the steward drove us away, Archimandrite Irenaeus, fulfilling someone's will so that the elder would not appear there. And once I was faint-hearted, I didn't carry it. After a while, he came running - they had already taken away the cot. And my spiritual father turned to me with the words: "An egg is expensive for Easter day. "Have you," he says, "felt how hard it is not to fulfill obedience? You don't realize it, but you still realize it. And then for a whole week I walked around with this stone. He couldn't even come near me, so he came up to me on his own. He asked, "Did you suffer?" And now let's go to confession. And after that, I really realized how difficult it is not to have obedience, complete devotion to your spiritual father, and how many temptations there will be from outside, and what faithfulness to the path you choose means. For the first time, I knew how hard it was to be alone when he reposed in God. I was still a student at the time, studying at the seminary. Before that, my soul did not know what unresolved questions are. As if under the wings of a bird, he was warm, in the twilight, covered with prayer. And here I found myself, as it were, alone with external student knowledge, and it contains many problems that cannot be solved through books. They can only be answered by a spirit-bearing, clear and pure mind, which is not infected by this external world and does not live according to its laws. I came to the funeral service and felt how much I had lost. But this feeling did not enslave me. When I began to enter the caves, I saw that the Lord is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living (Mark 12:27). And just as everything was solved then - imperceptibly and simply - so everything is solved to this day. What I experienced in my communication with my spiritual father is not yet fully understood. Some of the edges began to become clearer after his death. Living in the monastery, we suspected what the persecution of the elders was really like, both from the outside and from the inside. We saw them returning from some places and then not being able to leave their cells for a whole month. When these fathers were no longer alive, our medical assistant, Hegumen Theodorit, told how they came to him with broken fingers, with what they still had to endure. In their lives, they have never told anyone about it. Both party secretaries and KGB officers came to the monastery secretly - those who were their external persecutors. And the elders received them at night, when no one was looking. They talked lovingly with everyone, even with notorious villains. And people were transformed in the monastery, becoming childlike renewed in their souls. Through all this, for the first time, I came to know what priestly service is, what true spiritual service is, when a spiritual father bears sorrows and illnesses from everything, from all his spiritual children, and not just knows me, according to the word of the Lord. Priesthood is the bearing of the cross. This is the feat, the path that the Lord has traveled. Recorded by Elena Sapaeva

Nun Natalia (Aksamentova). Not power, but care and delicacy