When a person is in perfect order in terms of health, it just means that something is wrong with him. It would be better for him to be sick with something. I received such benefit from my illness that I did not receive from the entire feat of asceticism, which I performed before I fell ill. Therefore I say that if a man has no duties [towards others], it is better for him to prefer illness to health. Being healthy, a person remains in debt, but from an illness, treating it with patience, he will receive a reward. When I was living in a coenobitic monastery,[104] a holy bishop came there one day, a very old one, named Hierotheos. He was in retirement and asceticized in the skete of St. Anna. When he got on his horse as he rode away, his trousers pulled up and everyone saw his terribly swollen legs. The monks who helped him mount his horse felt terrified. The bishop understood this and said, "These are the best gifts that God has bestowed upon me. I ask Him not to take them away from me."

Patience in pain

When we are sick with something, it is better for us to give ourselves completely to Christ. We need to think about the fact that our soul has a much greater need for patience and praise in times of pain than for a "steel" body, with the help of which we can perform great bodily feats. For from these feats we are exposed to the danger of vanity and boasting, without realizing it, because it may seem to us that we are capable of conquering paradise by our own "cavalry charge."

Do you know how many years I have been in pain? Sometimes it can be endured, and sometimes it is unbearable. Pain that can be tolerated is a stable condition. You know how much I have suffered from bronchiectasis[105] and from the operation performed on me! Then all these stories with the intestines began. Then for six months I suffered from an interdiscal hernia and experienced severe pain. I could not make as many prostrations as I had done before, and despite the fact that it was even difficult for me to take care of myself, I had to help the people who came to me. Then something hard appeared in my stomach, and I was told that it was a hernia. When I got tired, it began to hurt and became very swollen. Once, on the eve of the feast of the Holy Great Martyr Panteleimon, the hernia swelled and ached. However, I had to go to the Panteleimon Skete for the all-night vigil. "I'll go, and come what may," I decided, because I had to be at this holiday. During the vigil I wanted to sit down a little, but I thought that if I lowered the seat of the stasidia and sat down, then all the others would sit down. Therefore, I preferred not to sit down at all and stood. After the twelve-hour all-night vigil, I thought that my condition would deteriorate greatly. I had hardly returned to my cell when someone knocked on an iron riveter near the gate. "Open, father!" - I heard someone's voice. I laughed. "Well, that's it," I said to myself, "now just have time to turn around." And indeed: soon others came, then visited again and again. And in the evening, when I had dismissed the last visitors, I saw that my hernia... completely disappeared! But the next day, after I had rested, she reappeared! Then it bothered me and hurt me, but at the same time it gave me joy. After all, Christ knew about my condition, He also knew what would benefit me. Therefore, He left me this hernia for five years. Do you know how much I suffered with her?

– Geronda, do you remember when you had problems with your legs?

– That's another story. I couldn't stand on my feet. And when people came, it was not easy for me. Then the legs passed, but bleeding began. The doctors said it was ulcerative colitis. A new page has opened... Seven years of bleeding, pain... But don't be upset, just pray for the health of my soul. I rejoice that God has honored me and rewarded me with this gift, and I do not want Him to take it away from me. Thank God, He allows me to benefit from illnesses. This is how we pass the patience exams. Today one thing, tomorrow another... "For I will require patience"[106]. After all, if we, people who have at least some fear of God, do not tolerate, then what will be left for worldly people to do? However, I see that many laypeople surpass us monks in virtue. My parents told me that the Pharasiots, when they fell ill with something, did not immediately run to Hajefendi[107] so that he could heal them. At first, they endured pain. They endured as much as they could, according to their love and patience, because they considered it a blessing to suffer. "Let me," they say, "I also torment my soul a little for Christ's sake, since Christ suffered great torments, in order to save me." They went to Hajefendi for healing only when they saw that the disease was interfering with their work and their household began to suffer. See how much love they had! Since these people, being laymen, thought in this way and endured, then how should I, a monk, think? Christ said: "In your patience gain your souls"[108]. Look: for Job's almsgiving, at a time when he had all the blessings, were not so pleasing to God as Job's patience during the temptation that befell him pleased Him[109].

– Geronda, when you say that a person endures pain, do you mean that he does not show that he is in pain at all?