In this atmosphere of camp hell, if a person came for repentance and confession, then burdened with such a burden of sins that the priest was lost, he did not know whether he had the spiritual right to forgive what he had done. The newcomer did not have time to correct his life, to change it. Tomorrow his own criminals can kill him, the guards can shoot him, he can fill the rock in the face, crush the tree that is being cut down, and he will leave earthly life without repentance, without being reconciled with God, if I refuse him confession. No matter what kind of sinner he was, he came to bring repentance and receive forgiveness to the best of his conscience. Standing before the confessor, listening to a sincere confession, sometimes I was horrified by what I heard, my soul froze, but I listened, listened, and if I realized his sincerity, then I forgave the sin. But it happened that, having listened to confession, he asked the prisoner to wait until the next evening and prayed all night, begging the Lord to give strength to forgive the sins of the confessor. It happened many times that the next day or in the next few days the confessing prisoner died, and in this God's Providence was manifested. If I saw insincerity in the repentance of the visitor, I told him about it and did not perform absolution. There were several prisoners who came to me, whom I could not absolve, I did not see sincerity, and so great were the crimes of these people that my spiritual conscience did not allow me to do so. Two or three times they even tried to kill me for this, which only confirmed the correctness of the decision made.

Earlier, I had read many good spiritual books on confession written by the Holy Fathers of the Church and modern authors, and this entered my soul and consciousness with an immutable truth, I was guided by this in my communication with my spiritual children, and I also borrowed from the experience of priests who stood spiritually much higher than me and were enriched by long service in the Church. It was they who prepared me for unexpected meetings in the camp with people doomed to extermination, aggravated by the most terrible sins: repeated murders, violence, robberies, robberies.

Doubts overwhelmed me about the correctness of what I had done, and in 1961, when I met with Vladyka Athanasius in Petushki, I told him in detail about my experiences and asked him whether I had behaved correctly as a priest during the confessions of criminal prisoners, who carried the heaviest burden of crimes on their souls. And Vladyka replied that he had had to confess such people if he saw their sincere repentance, but the Lord Himself would decide their fate, assessing the measure of the sincerity of their repentance.

You remember, our church was small, those who entered it were instantly enveloped by bliss and tranquility, in Moscow it did not thunder like other communities. The parishioners were mainly from the intelligentsia, many young people from 18 to 30 years old, but there were also enough elderly people, the rest were local parishioners. The total number of members of the community was 9095, many people came from different parts of Moscow. The temple was always full.

With all those sitting here now, we created our community, so I want to share my thoughts with you, my spiritual children. For sixteen years I have been here with you, but during the eighteen years of my imprisonment in the camp, the world has changed, the thinking of people, and you, my beloved spiritual children, have changed. Even the faith of many has changed, the perception of God has taken on a secular tinge. Of course, there is God, the Trinity, the Mother of God, saints, sacraments, canons, traditions, and even, pay attention, there is even a Church and has been preserved, but a haze of modern progress has fallen on all concepts. Of course, God exists, and there is no doubt about His existence, but we often hear the words: emanating from the cosmos, cosmic, emanating from the cosmic spheres, and believers say this. Of course, there is the Most Holy Theotokos, the saints, this sweet tradition of the Church enlivens the faith and gives it apostolic succession, colors it in the tones of spiritual antiquity and gives it goodness. The Church is necessary, but just think, say these believers, two thousand years separate us from its creation. Over these two millennia, man became different, intellectual, grew up, and everything around him lived and also changed, but the Church remained in its circles. So let's adjust its structure to modern man, leaving everything as it was before, but changing and adjusting it to the concepts of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. And these words, having been left as they were before, and adjusted to the twentieth, twenty-first century, remain unrevealed and are ominous for the Church. Unfortunately, not only laypeople think so, but also some priests, and some of my spiritual children have not been spared these trends. The word ecumenism is basically good, but for Orthodoxy it is disastrous, so I think, but I do not impose my opinion on anyone. The pure, primordial faith in God, called childish, which existed among many Russian people, is now found in few believers, the consciousness of one's own intellectuality has penetrated too deeply into the human soul. All this is bitter and sad, but I believe that the Lord God will eventually reveal His wisdom to people.

I meet many people, each of them opens his soul to me in one way or another, but can I call all those who come to me spiritual children? Unfortunately, not everyone; For some, rationalism has appeared in their spiritual thinking, for them I am not a spiritual father guiding their lives, as it was in the community, but a priest called to confess, absolve sins and give communion. They listen to my advice and instructions, but they act and live according to their own understanding, while considering me their spiritual father, deceiving themselves that they live under my spiritual guidance. Talking with visiting bishops and priests, I hear the same statements from them. The number of spiritual daughters, spiritual sons, and spiritual fathers who guide their spiritual life in the full sense of the word is decreasing. This is a deep spiritual tragedy for a modern believer, but I believe it will pass, and monasteries and communities will be revived again. The Church will play a leading role in society.

This is Fr. Arseny's last conversation. Every day he got worse and worse.

* * *

Every year there are fewer and fewer of us, sisters and brothers who once stood at the origins of the community in the twenties. Before, I could not remember the names of all the sisters, but in 1977 there were few of us left there, that a feeling of deep sadness and sorrow overwhelmed my soul. In the twenties, most of us were twenty-thirty years old, and now the youngest are at least seventy-five, and others are well over eighty.

Each of those who are still living and those who have already passed away received a huge number of deep wounds and scars in life, many of whose relatives died in the Patriotic War, in camps, prisons, exiles, from hunger or in other life misfortunes, such was the life of almost all people of our time.

But we had the main thing that a person can have: faith in God, the Church, and a mentor, Elder Arsenius, who instilled in our souls an understanding of spirituality and love for people. Those who left earthly life left it with faith in God and prayer to the Most Holy Theotokos and the saints, with hope for the salvation of their souls by the mercy of the Lord.

He gave faith to many dozens, perhaps hundreds of people who came to Fr. Arseny after 1958, and he directed many with his prayer to God, to the knowledge of the Church. Now the old members of the community of the twenties and those who came after 1958 meet as the dearest people, united into one whole by the instructions, teachings and love of Fr. Arseny. He loved all of us, we are all his spiritual children. Father is not with us now, but in our misfortunes and troubles we hasten to help each other, for this is what he taught us.

Each of us, still living on earth, asks for the prayers of the priest before the Lord and the Most Holy Theotokos. We are Thy orphans, pray to God for us, sinners, Father Arseny! Eternal, eternal memory to you, our elder and spiritual father, Hieromonk Arseny!

AFTERWORD TO THE MEMOIRS OF FATHER ARSENY