Question 336. Another brother asked the same Elder: Since the Lord gave the commandment to love one's neighbor as oneself, and to sympathize with him in joy and sorrow, as a member of one's own body, and whoever sees him in poverty and despises him would violate love, even if he himself had only one necessary thing, which is insufficient for himself, then tell me, my father, in what does love appear?

John's answer. Love for one's neighbor is manifested in many forms and not only by almsgiving. Thus, for example: when you go somewhere with your neighbor and see that your mind desires to be honored more than your brother, and you do not desire above all that he should be honored on an equal footing with you, then you do not love him as yourself, for the Apostle says: "One another's honor is greater for themselves" (Phil. 2:3). When you have something to eat, and you see that your thought inspires you to eat in private, on a whim, without need, then you do not love your neighbor as yourself. When you have something you need, barely enough for you alone, and you do not share it with your neighbor, then you do not love him as yourself. If we wish to fulfill the word of Scripture in this case, it will not protect us, for it is not written about one person, but each person is called our neighbor. How can this be done in relation to all people, without having something to give to everyone? And likewise, to desire to love one's neighbor as oneself also means the following: when it happens to suffer some kind of loss, and you see that your thoughts delight in the fact that your neighbor has suffered a loss incomparably greater than you, then you do not love him as yourself. Likewise, when you see that he is praised, and do not rejoice with him, because you were not praised with him, and do not think, as you ought to think, that my brother's praise also applies to me, for he is one of my members, then in this case you did not try to love him as yourself; — the same in everything else. To love your neighbor as yourself also means that if you hear something from your fathers about the way of God, and your brother asks you about it, you will not hide from him what is useful, out of envy. But knowing that he is your brother, tell him with the fear of God what you have heard, and do not consider yourself a teacher, for it is not profitable for you.

Question 337. Is it good to have friendship with a peer?

Answer. It is good not to have special friendship with any of your peers, for such a custom does not allow you to acquire weeping; likewise, do not have friendship with anyone who deprives you of weeping: it will not benefit you, but rather harm; for no one can acquire anything good except with great difficulty. Train your eyes not to look at anyone too intently, and you will not fill your heart with fierce insolence, which destroys all the fruits of a monk.

Question 338 of the same. When I hear about someone that he is in battle or in sickness, and as if I have compassion for him, then tell me, first of all: does such compassion come from the demons, who want to distract me from the remembrance of my own sins? Then, should I remember him in prayer, when I myself am in even greater trouble and greater sins, while that brother asks me for this, or wants me to tell one of the fathers about it? Does not prayer for one's neighbor teach love and a passionate person, at least several? How do you judge this, my father?

John's answer. The words of the Fathers: "No one should leave his dead man and go to mourn for another," refer to the young, for it is characteristic of the perfect to have compassion for their neighbor. If a young man shows compassion to another, this is a mockery of the demons, for he senselessly considers him sick and in need, and thinks of himself that he is doing a good deed, as it were; it is much more useful for him not to care about anything else at all. And if he remembers him in his heart or hears about him from others, let him say: "May God have mercy on me and him!" In order to avoid this, only remind that so-and-so is in sorrow, and the Elder, having heard, will pray with all earnestness for him who is weak in spirit. And when someone asks you to tell the elder about this, then for the sake of the commandment say: "Pray, father, for so-and-so." And if he says to you, "Pray for me," then also for the sake of the commandment say, "Lord! Forgive us", or: "God! Help us," or, "Cover us in this matter," and do not think that you are doing this of your own free will, for you have asked about it and heard how it should be said. And in order to have compassion for someone, even out of love, you have not yet come to this measure. When you are troubled by a thought about something, then ask the Elder and you will hear what you need to do. May God have mercy on you, brother!

Question 339 of the same. Tell me, my father: to what extent should the measure of mutual love of a brother for another extend?

John's answer. Brother! The love of fathers for their children is different, and the love of the brethren for their brothers is different. The measure of the love of spiritual fathers for their children has nothing harmful or carnal in it; for they are strengthened by spiritual wisdom, and both in word and in deed they always and in all things try to benefit the young. Loving them in this way, they do not keep silent before them about their shortcomings, but often rebuke, admonish and console, as a good father admonishes his children. For it is said to them, "Rebuke, rebuke, beseech" (2 Tim. 4:2), as your abba often does to you, although you do not understand when he rebukes, rebukes and comforts you, and, for the sake of love, he does not keep silent about your sins. By this it is revealed that his love for you is spiritual. Everyone loves his neighbor according to his measure; the measure of perfect love consists in loving one's neighbor as oneself for the sake of the love that a man has for God. Youth must guard itself in everything, for the devil soon stumbles the young. In conversation, they first begin to speak, as it were, about the benefit of the soul, or even about something else, but then they move on to something else: to irritation, to idleness, to laughter, to slander, and to other evils, so that the words are fulfilled in them: "Thou hast begun in the spirit, now ye are dead in the flesh." A little will suffer (Gal. 3:3-4). Thus the young are subjected to a fall because of their foolish love for one another, and because they gather together for special conversations. The measure of their love for one another should be as follows: not to slander one another, not to hate one another, not to despise one another, not to seek one's own, not to love one another for the sake of bodily beauty, or for the sake of some bodily occupation, not to sit with one another without extreme need, so as not to fall into insolence, which destroys all the fruits of the monk and makes him like a dry tree. To this the measure of the love of the young for each other extends. And just as they themselves should beware of insolence and idle talk, so let them also guard their brethren, fearing to sit down untimely with one another, lest they be caught in these nets and catch their brethren, fearing him who said: "Woe to him who makes his friend drunk with muddy corruption" (Hab. 2:15). And again: "Good customs corrupt, evil conversations" (1 Corinthians 15:33). Pay attention to yourself, brother!

Question 340 of the same. What should I do? "I suffer from bad thoughts. And if I learn that another also has them, I always say, "Behold, others also think evil." Also, why do I have neither weeping nor tenderness? Thought tells me that as long as I am with people, I cannot gain them. Show mercy to my weakness and tell me, my father, how can I get rid of these thoughts?

John's answer. Evil thoughts, as well as when you hear or learn that someone else has something similar, to say: "Behold, others like me think evil," curse all such evil suggestions. Say of your brother, 'He is better and holier than I,' and your thoughts will be stilled. As for weeping: if you do not force yourself, being with people, to strive so that you do not have free treatment with anyone, then you will gain neither weeping nor tenderness. And if they bring you to the point of fleeing from your brethren under the guise of goodness, then they will bring you to the point where you will flee from podvig and the field. Therefore, compel yourself, being with people, not to have free treatment with them; [95] For the Apostle says: "If a man strive, he shall not be crowned, unless he strives lawfully" (2 Tim. 2:5). Do what is due according to your strength, brother, and God will help you in everything. Do not forget to keep humility, obedience, obedience, and you will be saved in Christ Jesus our Lord, to whom be glory forever, Amen.

Question 341, the other. Another brother asked the same Elder: "Abba, I wish to be saved, and I do not know the way of salvation." Thought says to me: "Why do you live here in a dormitory, doing nothing? Go somewhere else." What should I do in this case?

John's answer. Brother! God, through the Divine Scriptures and the fathers, showed us the way of salvation, saying: "Ask your father, and he will tell you, your elders, and they will tell you" (Deuteronomy 32:7). And so, if you wish not to go astray under the pretext of humility, agreeing with the thought of departing from the place where you are profitable, then do nothing without asking the spiritual fathers, and you will not go astray, by the grace of God, Who desires to be saved with all men, and to come to the understanding of the truth (1 Tim. 2:4).

Question 342 of the same. Thought tells me that if I go somewhere and begin to be silent, I will finally attain complete silence. Being a debtor in many sins, I desire to be freed from them. What shall I do, my father?

Answer. Brother! A person who is in debt, if he does not first pay his debt, then wherever he goes, whether to the city or to the village, and wherever he settles, he is a debtor and has no freedom to dwell anywhere in peace. But when he is troubled with the reproach of men, he is ashamed, and then he pays his debt somehow; and, having been freed from it, he can boldly and fearlessly walk among the people and live wherever he wishes. Likewise, whoever tries, according to his strength, to bear patiently vexations, reproaches, dishonors, and deprivations for the sins he has committed, learns humility and labor, and for their sake his sins are forgiven, according to the words of the Scriptures: "See my humility and my labor, and forsake all my sins" (Psalm 24:18). Think also about the fact that before the cross our Lord Jesus Christ endured many annoyances and reproaches, and after that He ascended to the cross. In the same way, no one can attain perfect and fruitful silence and holy and perfect repose, unless he first suffers Christ and endures all His sufferings, remembering the words of the Apostle: "Therefore we suffer with Him, that with Him also we may be glorified" (Romans 8:17). Do not be deceived: there is no other way of salvation but this. May the Lord help you, according to His will, so that, as He says in the Gospel, you may lay a solid foundation for Your building on solid rock (cf. Matt. 7:24-25). And the stone was Christ (1 Cor. 10:4).