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And he described to us the pressure and violence of egocentrism, the first step of self-love, which arose when comparing oneself, educated, with illiterate elders who humbled him with their harsh words.
Then another evil made itself felt – self-will: the very "why", followed by contempt and humiliation. When Father Ephraim attained spiritual success, he was amazed at the wisdom of the Holy Fathers and the accuracy with which they described the destruction of the limbs and the institutions of the opposing law of corruption (Romans 7:23).
At the beginning of his monastic life, Father Ephraim performed great fasting feats. But, due to the weakness of his nature, he could not continue such a fast and fell ill. Thus he was compelled to adhere more to moderation than to severity. And Elder Nicephorus became more lenient in regard to nutrition, although he said as if to himself: "The fathers say: fasting, vigil, prayer, but these young people are looking for food and prayer. Can it be so?" But seeing the zeal of Father Ephraim, obedience and "Joseph's" upbringing,29 which he respected, he allowed relaxation in fasting. In addition, their needlework – making wooden seals for baking prosphoras – was hard work. On animals taken from outside, they had to transport tree trunks through impassable and inaccessible forests, cut them with heavy hand saws, cut them with an axe, process them on a machine with a foot drive and then cut seals by hand. Then, putting the seals on their backs, they had to carry them from the Athonite desert to the sea harbor in order to ensure their entry into the market.
Could the young ascetic Father Ephraim with his weak health be able to do all this, and at the same time strictly observe the word of the fathers about "fasting, vigil, prayer"?
Here I would like to digression by mentioning the introduction of the spirit of "oikonomia"30 into the present epoch, which is not due to the violation of patristic rules and contempt for them, but for the most part due to the diminishment of the natural powers of modern man. In our generation, I watched this change with bewilderment. We, that is, me and my peers, adhered to a certain measure of podvig with patience and without murmuring. Our disciples were unable to bear it, and not at all because of the inconstancy of their aspirations. Although they retained a healthy disposition and zeal, they retreated due to their natural weakness. There were not enough natural forces to seal the will with deeds. But grace did not hide its presence, because their will was according to God.
The blessed elder told us about various incidents from that period of his life when he was left alone with his decrepit elder, Father Nicephorus. He recalled how grace helped him in various ways in the difficulties he encountered.
"Once I was in the forest," he said, "and I was trying to move the thick trunks of trees from which we made seals. But I couldn't do it alone. Then a young man who was passing by the place appeared and readily helped me to finish my work. When I turned around to thank my assistant, he was gone. But he told me that his name was Theodore.
The blessed elder remembered his labors in hard handicrafts, as well as the consolations of grace that delighted him. When she visited him, he said to himself with his characteristic youthful simplicity:
"Angels and Archangels, step aside, so that I may see the Lord – my Love!
From the sweetness of such thoughts he was all enveloped in flames.
In the first days of the elder's podvig, the spiritual podvig that he had begun, he was deprived of the patristic example and the instructions necessary for a novice. However, thanks to reading the lives of the Holy Fathers, the Elder received a fairly good preparation and overcame the first waves of thoughts and the excitement of battle, which happens when changing one's way of life. He skillfully resisted the violence of opposing passions. Deprived of spiritual help, which his simple elders could not give him, he repelled serious temptations, trampling the roads of Athos, reaching monasteries and cells, when he wore handicrafts or performed other necessary obediences.
Elder Ephraim of Katounaka Pure disposition, despite the lack of experience, is the cause of grace-filled Divine enlightenment. Speaking to us, the elder emphasized that Divine grace consoled and covered him only for his disposition to please God by fulfilling His will. And after a simple prayer caused by the circumstances, he received an immediate answer. "Lady of the world and our true Mother, will You allow me to fall into delusion and be exposed to danger, since I trust in You and pray to You?" Before the end of this little petition, an overshadowing from above and inexpressible joy descended upon him.
He himself told the following about this period of his life with the elders: "They were simpletons. Needlework, service and nothing more. When I arrived on the Holy Mountain, I was looking for something that I myself could not explain at first. You do needlework during the day, and spiritual work at night. But this did not give me completeness, did not satisfy me. I was looking for more, higher. Elder Nicephorus was good, but he could not teach me the path that he did not know, because he himself did not walk it."
There were more and more unanswered questions, especially after the spiritual states that he began to experience. Once, when his companion Father Procopius was reading the introductory psalm at vespers, the mind of Father Ephraim was captivated by the mountain, and he called all creation to the glorification of God. As soon as the psalm ended, he came to his senses again. Father Procopius pushed him to read "And now" in order to continue vespers with the reading of the kathisma of the Psalter.