152. Leaving a monastery, it is impossible to remain peaceful. In the monastery it is better to humble yourself
Glory to the Most-Merciful Lord, that He granted you the feeling of returning to the monastery, which was completely shaken. Even if you remain in the world, what does it matter to us: people live in peace and are peaceful, but you, having already devoted yourself to the monastic life and leaving it, could not be peaceful, and in maintenance it is doubtful that the brothers will always support you, perhaps they were diligent, but circumstances did not work out, for it is impossible to rely on a person, except for the One God.
Living in a monastery, although poorly, is more convenient for humility and you will humble yourself better. Thou hast asked thy parent's forgiveness according to thy strength, and though it is not said directly, yet all is peaceful, then be peaceful, and do not cease to reproach thyself, contemplating his guilt before him. The Lord will announce to him and give him a more compassionate feeling when you are at peace with Mother Anthia – this is your benefit: she, as you yourself know, does not need those who come, but accepts them out of compassion and obedience; Try not to allow strangers to come to her, and others not to endure rotten words that darken the world.
May the Lord forgive you, and we, the unworthy, forgive and absolve, and wish you peace, health and salvation.
March 14, 1834.
153. Entrust yourself and your neighbors to the Providence of the Heavenly Father: be more moderate and do not allow your heart to become immeasurably and recklessly distressed. On the Reception of Sisters and Brothers into the Cell
With a desire for peace and salvation, I will tell you according to my heart: one should not worry so much about the participation of one's relatives, but rather rely on the Lord in the patience of the soul, especially since such attachment, both calamitous for the heart, is alien to devotion to the Highest, and because all cases are not blind, but are led by the Providence of the Ruler of the World. No matter how sensitive we may be, we can never have so much compassion for our neighbors as our Creator, and the more sensitive we are to any object, the blinder we are in our minds about it, and for this reason we must most sacredly entrust ourselves and our neighbors to the Providence of the Heavenly Father, to be as moderate as possible, not to allow the heart to become immeasurably and recklessly distressed. Nor should you enter into their intermediary, when you have already entered into the most worthy of God's self-denial calling. About them, with all possible condolences, to say in one's soul: "The will of the Lord be done" and to cast sorrows on the Lord, and try to direct oneself in the Lord. "Treasure time: it is irretrievable, pay more attention to yourself, let your podvig consist in this!"
As for the reception of a sister into cohabitation, I have only to say that "two are more than one," and in addition to this, I present your feeling to the will of the Universal Protector, to Whom I entrust you in everything. "I strongly advise you not to accept brothers into your cell, even if they are relatives, beyond the blessed time, otherwise you will bring temptation upon yourself.
June 20, 1835.
154. Wealth Is Harmful to You
In vain do you accept false thoughts in relation to our attitude towards you. We, although we are very sinful, but whoever asks for the Scriptures, we, with all our lack of leisure, answer: it turns out that others have one letter for two or three letters, depending on need, but this has not happened to you, and to each of your letters, even if they are poor-witted, you have our answers.
You complain about poverty, but wealth is still harmful to you, when a quarter in your pocket moves, then you will show yourself. Having written this, we hope that you will accept reproach from us better than praise.
Your parent, when he comes here and sees us, we are ready to receive him.
Congratulating you on the feast and wishing to celebrate it peacefully and calmly, we remain your unworthy worshipers.