246. It is inadmissible to ask the Lord to end one's life's path

I had the pleasure of receiving your letter from your much-sighing soul, written on March 19, to which, at your request, I hasten to reply. You ask me to pray for your speedy death; but I have come into difficulty from this request of yours; for how can we ask God for that which is not pleasing to Him: since the continuation of life is the continuation of God's mercy to man, then how can we ask for the cessation of it? To this I answer you with the word of Christ: I do not know what I ask! It is better for God to change not your life for death, but your impatience for complacency, and good will be for you! St. The Apostle Paul, although he wanted to be released from the body, did so out of great love for Christ, in order to be closer to Him! And you, it seems to me, are asking out of impatience, i.e. if any insect bites you slightly, then at once you will call death to yourself! Would it not be better to ask the Lord for patience: Lord, give me patience, generosity and meekness! And if I pray according to your wishes, then God will hit me, a reckless worshiper, on the head for you.

Secondly, do you ask me to appoint a time for you to come to us? But I cannot make any appointments; and as God arranges, and Mother Abbess tells you, then come in the name of the Lord.

April 1, 1857

247. Meeting the Birthday — Remembrance of God's Mercy and His Long-Suffering for Us

Today's feast day of the Holy Great Martyr George reminds me that in the past years I sometimes wrote letters to you on that day, and therefore even now a desire to write has awakened in me. But the Holy Great Martyr is on horseback, and I am on foot, to congratulate you on this feast, and on what is coming on this feast, that is, on your birthday; but I don't know if I'll be in time. In the meantime, I fervently wish you to greet your holy birthday with a joyful and reverent heart before God; for the continuation of life, in spite of the illnesses, sorrows and many sorrows that happen to us, is the continuation of God's mercy to man, for which he must thank the Lord God from the depths of his soul! Of course, there are such clever men in the world who are burdened by life and wish themselves a speedy death, but we will not imitate them in this. They, not knowing well, do not know what they wish for themselves, and what they ask for? It behooves them to say Christ's word: "I do not ask for anything!" The Lord God graciously listens to the prayer that His humble servants pronounce to Him: "Fruitlessness in vain, my souls that are so pained, have patience with Christ, and do not sow me, like that cursed fig tree!"

Seeing from your letter that from the day of the Bright Resurrection of Christ, your soul became light and joyful, I rejoiced heartily and thanked the Risen Christ, Who illumined you with His light! And when despondency, impatience, murmuring at everything, despair and anguish come upon you, like a dark cloud, then my heart is filled with sorrow for you; It is especially sad for me to read that you, due to a lack of humility and Mother Abbess, sometimes reproach her, about which, as St. Climacus remarked, the demons rejoice; and therefore grant you, O Lord, attentiveness, not to make them laugh like this again!

April 23, 1858

248. A damp cell is not the main calamity

The New Passion-Bearer of Christ! Save thyself in the Lord!

First of all, I congratulate you on the coming New Year, which may be a favorable summer for you, and may the Lord grant peace to your heart, health to your body, and salvation to your soul; and spiritual consolation to alleviate sorrows. I wish you all this with all my heart.

From my long silence before you, do not think that I have forgotten about you. I remember her, and I always ask the Lord to be with you in sorrow, and to be your Comforter. And the fact that I have not answered your letter for a long time, she has accumulated so many things from illness that I do not have to bring them to an end; That's why I almost don't write to anyone.

I offer my heartfelt condolences for your sufferings in the discourse of your damp cell. There are iron stoves for sale in Moscow, buy one at my expense, and drain the dampness of the cell with it. However, there are not always disasters from dampness; for we see people living in dry and bright chambers, sick and sorrowful, just as the ancient St. David, dwelling in the royal palaces, prayed to the Lord, saying: "Save me, O God, for thou hast brought water to my soul; which means that when he was king, he had so many sorrows, as if he were plunging into them in the depths of the sea. Here I am, this abbot, living in bright, warm and spacious cells, but I have almost twice as much grief as opposed to yours; And it seems that he would have gone over to a dark and damp underground, if only to gain freedom from the abbot's tormenting chains. But we must drink the cup of suffering that the Lord has granted us. And therefore, mother, if you endure, your lot will be with the saints...

Forgive me, and be peaceful, for God's sake, and take the assurance that even in your silence your much-sinful Hegumen Anthony will always remember you.