9. Every moment of relative being (in particular, each of us) passes from its absolute non-being, from "nothing" in a given quality, to being in it. This "new" was not in me before and I was absolutely not one.

A fool will plead that the new was previously "unconscious" in me, and that before "unconsciously" I was already the very new that I am now "consciously." But this is not an objection, but a circumvention of the problem, a special case. — The "

consciousness" is something undoubtedly new, which has not previously existed in its given content at all. Consciously or unconsciously, each of us instantly becomes new, from what was not "this" becomes "this", acquires something that did not exist before in him and as him (cf. § 5). You can break up the new as much as you like, decompose it into arbitrarily small particles: it will never be possible to destroy it. Let an infinitesimal magnitude be added to the former in becoming, it is still a magnitude, it is nevertheless added, and it did not exist earlier in the mastering one.

If I am constantly becoming "new," constantly acquiring and mastering new things, and how joyful it is when I recognize in the "new" the gift of God! — it is necessary to assume that I receive new things from the outside. It is somehow "first" to me, somehow "pre-exists" to me, although, perhaps, not temporarily. Everything that I know is not only the things I perceive, but also the very acts of my perception, my desires and feelings, "the states of my consciousness in general, I myself am 'new' — in a sense I 'pre-exist'. S a m I "pre-exist" myself, however absurd it may seem at first glance; I am actual, I "pre-exist" to me that which is potential, and I that exist to me that which does not yet exist. And in my empirical being I never become actual or fully existent by me, for no matter how long I exist, there are always inexhaustible possibilities for my further becoming, and I never realize all that is possible.

This is a very peculiar and philosophizing fact – the opposition of me, the imperfect, to the perfect myself. "I-imperfect, I become perfect, but I-imperfect, not yet I-perfect, and in empiricism I will never fully become one, although both 'I's' are one and the same myself. If, on the other hand, I, the perfect I, possess such a fullness of being that I exist even when I, the imperfect, do not yet exist, there is no reason to suppose that the perfect I, when I, the imperfect, cease to be this moment of the perfect me, and cease to be at all. In this way, the perfect self not only "pre-exists" the imperfect me, but also "after-exists" to it. In general, the "pre-existence" and "post-existence" of my perfection should not be understood as temporary. In my perfection are also all temporal relations, all the "time" of my imperfection (§ 7). Perfection embraces and contains all its imperfections.

The perfect self is opposed to the imperfect me, so that many of the qualities of the first and the perfection of all of them are absolutely absent in the second: in relation to them, the imperfect self is potentiality, absolute non-being. In me, the imperfect, there is absolutely no perfect me, since in the second there are qualities still or not at all inherent in the first. The "new" comes into me from without, from my perfection, although when it comes, it is completely mastered by me and becomes myself, for it comes from my perfection. There is no hidden existence of perfection in imperfection. The predisposition to admit it is due to the fact that we are confused by the general term "me," behind which lies some reality. Its meaning will become clear later, if it is not already clear to the reader for reasons of §§ 4 and 5.

The theory of the world of ideas, which is inextricably linked with the theory of creation from nothingness, rests on the awareness of our becoming from non-existence into being, and on the indisputability of the truth: "ex nihilo nil fit." The theory of the world of ideas is obscure and incomplete without the Christian doctrine of creation out of nothing; And the Christian teaching reveals the need for a theory of the world of ideas. Thus, Plato no less foreshadows Christianity than Moses.

When I become new, I do not simply accept the "new" into myself, as if into some empty sack, but in the most authentic way I become this "new". Therefore, my acceptance of the "new" or the descent of the "new" into me is at the same time my own becoming it. It cannot even be said that the "other" conditions me and my becoming, although it is a condition for me to become one. Here the descent of the "other" into me and my becoming it merge into one and the same act. It is my becoming, my movement, my acceptance that is denoted by the old term "communion" (methexis, participatio).

Every instant, through my participation in my perfection, in which is contained all my imperfect being (present, future, and past) and more than it, through my communion with God, I freely arise from non-being into being, from non-being (ex uk onton) I become being. Every moment I experience the experience of my coming into being (and in relation to God and from God's side, the experience of my creation) from nothing, All the time God creates me, or (which is the same thing) I freely arise, "putting on" God or becoming Him. And it is clear that the act of creation does not depend on time, while temporality is a quality of communion.

The opposition of me, the imperfect, to me, the perfect, does not coincide with my opposition to God (§ 4). The first is a confrontation within myself and, as it were, my inner duality, the second is recognized by me as my opposition to the absolute-other. In the first, I am always a person, even if extremely limited, a "something"; in the second, it is absolute nothing, impersonal, qualityless, non-existent. To overcome the second confrontation, I must not be at all; the former is overcome in my true and full being, which is defined as mine by his opposition to God. Only in opposition to my God is it revealed that my being is not something, but is not at all, thanks to which my inner division is possible. In the experience of our self-perfection we find the basic experience of creation-arising from nothing. It is so basic and "ordinary" that we do not even notice it, as, for example, a scientist developing the theory of evolution does not notice what he says about the emergence of something new from non-existence. We do not notice that we are instantly "clothed" with God.

10. Let's try to mentally "expose" ourselves. All my sensations, feelings, thoughts, all the "states of my consciousness," everything in general that is in me, I recognize as having received from God, by whom we "live, and move, and are." All these things in which I oppose Him, I mentally return to Him. I reserve for myself only my "being," which is qualityless, indefinable, incomprehensible, for without it there is no opposition to my God, and in it is my highest likeness to God, my incomprehensibility. However, this "being" of mine, which I have left to myself, is also "something", also qualitatively, although incomprehensible. Let us be consistent: it is also not "mine", but God's. And if I want to find myself, I must also get rid of being. In search of myself, I irresistibly strive into the "utter darkness," into the abyss of absolute non-existence from which I arose (cf. § 8). And I already see myself on the last edge of my being, I see myself hanging over the terrible abyss of absolute nothingness, One more moment — and I will be completely gone. I feel "eternal death", from which the blood freezes in my veins, my heart stops beating and the hairs on my head stand on end... We are not always perceptible and difficult to perceive this terrible coldness of non-existence, this terrifying inexpressibility of absolute emptiness. Often we talk and think about it, but we do not understand our own words—we do not find and do not feel it. And you can not think about it at all, live, enjoy — and suddenly suddenly experience an icy horror, from which

"The stains of anger are instantly extinguished, The heat of voluptuousness runs."

Somewhere, in the very depths of his consciousness, the icy sharp sting of Death is constantly moving. Feel it, and you will immediately throb like a mortally wounded animal that has no way out, something will hit you in the head, your eyes will darken, your heart will shrink, and you will breathe the last silence.

Without God and outside of God, I do not exist, I do not exist absolutely. By myself and in myself I am nothing, not I, I do not exist. But in so far as I think, will, and exist, that is, in so far as I partake of God and become God, I oppose Him, I oppose Him as another substratum (not a person—cf. § 4) of His divine content, and so inseparably that without Him, outside of Him, in myself, I am nothing, I do not exist. And in communing with God, in making Him (though not entirely, but immeasurably participating) by me, I freely receive Him, freely and graciously giving Himself to me. Every moment of my being is wholly Divine in its content and even in its very being, and each is two-subject: both God's and mine, although mine does not exist. God's creation of me out of nothing is at the same time my free self-generation. And nowhere, in nothing, is my conditioned by God's or God's by mine.