I was surprised, since a prayer book was a rarity in those years. Twenty years have passed since then, but Pavla Fyodorovna, who came to us in Grebnevo, revived the memories of the pre-war years. Her voice, a soprano singing prayers under the birch trees, entered my heart forever. I loved her, quiet, affectionate, gentle, I loved her son, who looked like a mother. In Moscow, we continued to meet, their family came to pray in our secret church (in my father's office). And twenty years later, in Grebnevo, Pavla Fyodorovna confessed to me that she had made plans for my happiness with her Seryozha. Then, as carefully as I could, I made it clear to Pavla Fyodorovna that we, children, had never even thought such thoughts. First of all, Seryozha was three years younger than me, I always had leniency towards him, as if I were a younger brother. But it is common for a girl to look for support in life, moral strength, and strong convictions in the person of her future husband. This was what won me over in my Volodya. And his desire to give his life to serve the Church, to God, was what united us forever. In the tall and gentle Sergey Khvatov there was not a shadow of the determination and grace-filled burning that I found in the heart of my future husband. Seryozha did not follow the spiritual line, although he remained deeply religious, and his father Ivan even served as a deacon after the war. Now, twenty years later, I hugged and kissed dear Pavla Feodorovna, thanking her for helping me with the housework, taking care of Fedenka, saying goodbye to her and asking her not to forget me in her holy prayers. And, apparently, the prayer of this righteous woman was a drop that overflowed the cup of God's mercy. It was poured out on us by the fact that the Lord sent a man to help us.

Natalia Ivanovna

The person who came to the aid of our large family was small, skinny Natalia Ivanovna - a disabled person of the 1st group. After a hip fracture, one of Natalia Ivanovna's legs was shorter than the other, so she walked with a stick, with difficulty rolling her whole body from side to side. Father Vladimir often brought us woolen socks, mittens, etc. Father used to say: "Pray for the sick Anastasia [5], she is the one who binds you. And when you see her, thank her!" But I visited my husband with the children once or twice a year, where could we thank someone. When we left, we were always surrounded by a dense crowd of women, they looked at us as if they had never seen us, asked how old they were, what their names were, thrust gifts into our hands, kissed us... We hurried to hide in our car, which was taking us away, often without my father. Father always had other things to do, and he did not like our visits very much. And the children did not like to be in Losinka, although boys were allowed to wear sticharions and serve there, which was already forbidden under Khrushchev. The guys said: "As soon as you get up at your dad's, stand for the entire service, without moving from your place." Yes, my father was strict. But I was afraid that strictness would push children's hearts away from the church. I have heard the opinions of some children: "The church is a place where children suffer by standing for hours." God forbid, let not such a concept be formed among the children of believing parents. And then the priest Orlov said to my priest: "Mine are already twelve and fourteen years old, no one can lure them to church." To prevent this from happening, I never forced children to stand in the Grebnevsky church under duress. As soon as I notice that the child begins to spin, sigh, beggingly ask if the end is soon, I immediately let the child go outside: "Tired? Go run, sit on a bench, and if you get bored, come back." The older ones had to be sent outside to look after the kids. But in the church fence I demanded behavior appropriate to the place: not to shout, not to run around on a bicycle, not to start noisy games, not to hang on fences, on benches, not to roll in the snow or on the grass, etc. I told the children: "Rest, but walk as before the Lord God, so that you will not be ashamed to return to church again." And the children returned to me twenty minutes later, whispering questions:

"What do you say to Dad about us?"

"I will say that we were in the church, we stood as long as we could," I answered.

I often left the church myself to check what the children were doing, to call them when they began to anoint them with oil or sing the magnification of the feast, to read the Gospel. I always let the children out to read the canon, but I called them back to "My soul magnifies the Lord." They knew the prayer "More honorable than the cherubim," and it gave them pleasure to sing along with the choir.

I could not demand such a church upbringing from any nurse, and therefore I always asked the Lord to vouchsafe me to raise children myself. And my assistant Natalia Ivanovna was herself one of those who turned to God recently, after suffering heavy losses. In her youth, Natalia Ivanovna lived in Alma-Ata, she had her own house, garden, husband and children. She gave birth to children four times, but two soon died, Natalia Ivanovna raised only two sons. "Before the war, I did not remember God," said Natalia Ivanovna. But the husband did not return from the front, the youngest son died. Left with one boy, Natalia Ivanovna decided to move to Moscow, where she had relatives. Having only an elementary education, she got a job at a factory, in a dry cleaner's, and again she was far from religion, until she received a call from the hospital: "Your son is in serious condition, fell during a physical education lesson, bruised his head." He died two hours later in his mother's arms. This misfortune was followed by another: Natalia Ivanovna herself fell down the stairs at the factory, broke her leg.

And so, only having lost her family and health, Natalia Ivanovna thought about life: what did she lead her to? What awaits her next? The husband is among those who gave their lives for the Motherland. The Lord will accept him as having fulfilled God's commandment to love one's neighbor. Four children died in childhood, which means that they too will inherit the Heavenly Kingdom as still sinless. Then she herself must embark on the path that leads to eternal life. And Natalia Ivanovna came to church to serve God for the rest of her days. She attended all the services, knitted for the children of Father Vladimir. And when I heard that the priest had a sick baby in the family, I decided: I have hands, I can swaddle him, feed him from a bottle.

So, God sent a nanny to Fedenka. Well, Natalia Ivanovna had a strong, persistent character! My mother said: "She should be a minister if she had an education!" She delved into all affairs, gave advice, respected the priest, and loved Fedyushka and the children - she loved all of us without memory! At six o'clock in the morning, she came to my nursery, took Fedya to her with the words: "Sleep, my dear, while the children are sleeping, because you have not slept all night."

And Natalia Ivanovna said: "I know, I know... Don't tell me. I had children, I know what a dream with a baby, I know..." And he will take my baby away from me, and I will actually sleep for another hour.

And at ten o'clock in the morning Natalia Ivanovna went with Fedya to the fence, that is, to the church. There, under the stickies, they stayed until six in the evening, until the mosquitoes overpowered them. The older children also walked in the fence, brought Fedya more bottles of food, diapers, took away dirty laundry. Natalia Ivanovna refused to come to dinner, so the guys brought her soup, and a second course, and a drink. She rode with a stroller along all the paths of the church park, choosing windless corners near the walls of churches, pulling "sails" from diapers over the baby. So Fedenka spent his first summer in the air, got stronger and grew up. In August, he was already firmly seated and in December he began to walk.

In winter, of course, the long festivities stopped, Natalia Ivanovna was already in charge of the house. That year, I sent Katyusha to school, who had dreamed of school since she was five years old, learned to read and write on her own. She carefully followed her brothers' lessons, took a worn-out backpack, stuffed it with books, dragged it with her. Katya played school all day long, imagining that she was learning her homework, collecting books, looking at her watch, saying: "It's time to go, we still have to have time to ride down the mountain on a panfei (briefcase)." Everyone laughed: "That's why the guys began to leave the house early - a snowy mountain appeared on the way!" Infectious diseases began again, which went through everyone in turn: from the beginning of the year - mumps, then measles. Nothing, God had mercy, everyone recovered, although the elders were seriously ill. Fedya was vaccinated with gamma globulin, and he suffered measles on his legs. Even the rash was only under the eyes. But Natalia Ivanovna was very worried: "Oh, everything will fall on his gut." In vain we calmed her down, it was impossible to convince her of anything. It got ridiculous. She will collect a penny full of wallets, begin to scatter handfuls of coins in all the rooms. Money clinks on the windows, rolls out, the guys laugh! "No, don't laugh, you need to have a lot of money in the house, it should be lying everywhere," Natalia Ivanovna assures. Unfortunately, she believed in omens.

My girls, playing with dolls in their corner, decided to cook dinner there. They brought bread, apples, carrots, etc., to the second floor, and arranged a doll's dining room. Soon, huge black cockroaches appeared in the nursery. My father and I began to think about how to deal with cockroaches, but Natalia Ivanovna firmly declared: "There is no need to poison them: this is for money, for wealth."