When I read your regrets about Psherov, I again remembered the words of Metr. Evlogia: "It did not go further, it did not succeed, because there was not enough will for the feat." But it would be good to keep this surge in your memory. This rarely happens. These are treasures in gray.

The one you are writing about is familiar to me, although he probably does not remember me (we met more than once in the editorial office in a trio with Fr. Peter Gnedich). After all, we are talking about Ch.? If that's him, I'd like to know more about him. How does he live, what does he think? Rumors circulated in Moscow, and then everything was firmly forgotten. And he is a talented and necessary person. Could it be that his talents were disappearing? I don't know the book of the "oriental monk".

Regarding the Eucharist, I would like to say a few words to you. What did people need when there was a strange person walking among them, saying very strange things, surrounded by dubious types, prostitutes and men? What was needed? The feat of faith. Was it easy for Peter to say to the village Carpenter, "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God"? And he said this out of inspiration incomprehensible to people. In the same way, His appearance in the flesh through the Church requires this feat of faith. Faith is our strength, dynamics, activity, creativity, breakthrough. If everything were as clear and clear as day, we would be in the passive position of "perceiving." And we are participants, co-workers, active units of the Church. This is what must be remembered in the face of the Eucharist, which is celebrated in earthly humiliation. And your ailment deepens this humiliation (for you)...

Do not read the exercises. They are for the healthy. I even wrote about it there, I think. These are auxiliary things that are not directly related to the case.

Be healthy and protected by God.

Your Archpriest. A. Men

I received a letter from K., but it was preliminary.  ------------- 

So, about C. (I am not asking anything, but he himself told me a lot – this is what I know): even at the very beginning of our acquaintance, a few years ago, I already knew the general drama – with tears in my eyes: "Think, I have not celebrated the Liturgy for ten years" (is there such a word?).

Talents? Of course – they disappear! Now he has perked up a little and is crawling out of his hole, where his hysterical wife drove him. Two or three people - somehow unexpectedly around him - but no more! — are nourished. Does he remember you? I don't know. There was no speech, but we often talk about you. I was delighted with S. Ch., I copied it by hand for myself, everything at night, that wife is also a philistine - you can't have papers and folders on the table. He teaches at the Institute in his specialty, he is very busy. Recently: "I, fool, had the stupidity to sign, and others..." But he hopes for something – for what? Cul-de-sac! When he is sick, he is treated by fasting, he believes in this treatment. "My fate is not over yet, I must live." But – what?! How?! Daughter, 8 years old, I think. Until the age of 7, she did not speak. Friends in Moscow offered to take him to the institution - to treat him - he refused! I didn't treat it here. Only recently, it seems, "God sent" some doctor – and they are being treated. And then it was like this: I hung around for a month in Moscow, after their drama, they agreed to reinstate her in monasticism, but not in the priesthood (!!) While she was there, she did not eat anything here, smoked, drank and waited. Of course, threats of suicide, etc. When he returned, having seen all this, he "resigned"! But sex for me is not at all... (I said something like that – I don't remember). But "I overestimated my strength" is still about the very beginning of the whole "drama". And she has an adult son from another husband, he lives somewhere in Kyiv. What is surprising about him – how to say – is his steadfastness, for in such situations many renounce "everything", but not at all! He thinks, lives an inner life. In some ways it is very broad, in some ways it is narrow.

Well, it seems that this is all I can answer your question.

When I see it, I will say that you are interested, m. b. will write to you himself. I see him very rarely and little - he is very busy with work, and at home his hysterics "chase on the cord".

My (difficult!) old lady (of my age) – who translated Teilhard – and who did not write the last articles there, is now translating, at my request, a wonderful book "Jesus", the author – "un moine de l'Eglise d'Orient" – is Fr. Lev Gillet (he has recently died), because she likes this book very much (and Teilhard does not!), and besides, C. also tests it a little in specific terms and in general. And he himself (of course, he doesn't know French very well, and she is a professor!) – "le livre sur la priere"[73] by Metropolitan Antonia, although I am not sure that this is not in vain, i.e. that this translation exists somewhere, but all the same – the more, the better, and where can I get it? And for her, it's a great thing not to turn sour.  ----------- 

I take this opportunity to exchange my thoughts on prayer. I remember in every possible way and try to follow your advice about tension, and about caution with it – and now I somehow realized that often even in a healthy tension in prayer (which, nevertheless, on your advice, I also avoid) there is some unnecessary and harmful "adulthood", and it is sometimes successfully defeated, when this tension is relieved, by good childishness – after all, "be like children", to enter the Kingdom of God.

I am just sharing this with you, I do not need to answer. I understand you well.