Goals of education. Future parents, of course, think about how best to formulate for themselves the goals of the work on the upbringing of their child...

The answer is as simple as it is complex: the goal and motive of raising a child is a happy, full-fledged, creative, useful life for this child. Family education should be aimed at the creation of such a life. After all, there is nothing more natural than raising your own child! When a young mother breastfeeds her child for the first time, she does not just feed him, she gives him the first life lesson. And this is sweet to her, as it will be sweet to put her son on the potty, teach him to use a spoon, cross the street, etc. Each of us initially has a pedagogical streak. It is given to us as a voice, as an ear, as the ability to think. It is the basis of human contact, universal contact, constantly transmitting knowledge, experience, wisdom, kindness... Without it, humanity would not have survived. "In the upbringing of children there is a naturalness of a hand stretched out to help, so free this naturalness from captivity!" – these words are uttered on September 1, addressing the teachers, by a wise grandmother – an experienced teacher – from the story by G. Shcherbakova. But the same words can be addressed to us, parents: "Education is an outstretched hand, an incentive to step forward without fear, because you are near. And it's so natural to teach walking... You don't need to break anything in yourself, you don't need to look for crutches and instructions to help, you just need to follow yourself. To live naturally and naturally to devote oneself to one's educational work. Without sacrifice, without torment..."

To follow yourself... "How come," readers will ask, "we are talking about raising a child, but it turns out that we need to think about self-education?" Many psychological studies have proven that the success of education is directly dependent on personal development, on the harmony or disharmony of the mental world of an adult. Some authors have tried to trace how the character traits of parents are related to the character traits of the child. They believed that the peculiarities of the character or behavior of parents are directly projected onto the behavior of the child. It was thought that if the mother showed a tendency to melancholy, depression, then her children would have the same features. With a closer study of this issue, everything turned out to be much more complicated. The connection between the personality of parents and the upbred features of the child's behavior is not so direct. Much will depend on the type of the child's nervous system, on the living conditions of the family. Now psychologists understand that one and the same dominant trait of the personality or behavior of a parent is able, depending on different conditions, to cause a variety of forms of reaction, and in the future, stable behavior of the child. For example, a harsh, hot-tempered, despotic mother can evoke in her child both similar traits - rudeness, incontinence, and directly opposite, namely, depression, timidity.

We have already discussed the question of the connection between the motives of upbringing and the degree of independence given to the child. The connection of upbringing with other types of activity, the subordination of upbringing to certain motives, as well as the place of upbringing in the integral personality of a person – all this gives the upbringing of each parent a special, unique, individual character.

That is why future parents who would like to raise their child not spontaneously, but consciously, need to begin the analysis of the upbringing of their child with an analysis of themselves, with an analysis of the characteristics of their own personality.

Harmony of the spiritual world. Future parents may ask themselves the question: what is the character of a person, what inclinations, what features of behavior are most necessary for the proper upbringing of a child? Who can be a successful parent? Apparently, the success of upbringing does not depend on any particular set of personality traits. "All mothers are needed, all mothers are important" – these well-known lines can be understood as a recognition of the fact that the success of upbringing is not determined by the presence of some special personality traits necessary for the parental role.

Psychological research shows that the most successful people cope with upbringing who are determined by a certain harmony of the mental world, its openness, ability to change, and ability to analyze. For the upbringing of a child, the so-called self-actualized, harmoniously developed personalities are most adapted. What is the secret of personal harmony, what is the way to find it? Why is a harmonious personality able to most successfully perform the functions of raising a child?

The most general characteristic of personal harmony is that a harmonious person tries to become what he is capable of becoming, in other words, this is a person who most fully reveals all his inherent inclinations and abilities. Already from this most general definition, the connection between the success of education and the harmony of the educator's spiritual world becomes clear. After all, the task of identifying all the inclinations and abilities of a child is the most important and basic task of proper upbringing. Apparently, it is easier for someone who tirelessly works on himself, identifying and developing his inherent qualities, to teach such work to his child. It is easier to go together towards a common goal.

Harmonious people are necessarily involved in some business, in an activity whose purpose is outside of themselves. They have overcome egocentrism, they count life events not from themselves, but from the cause they serve. They are devoted to this cause, it is something very valuable to them. Doing their work, actively involved in it, these people act in such a way that the separation between work and joy disappears for them. To work for them is to live, and to live is to enjoy life. And again, it is necessary to emphasize that such a person, joyfully and actively devoting himself to his favorite work, can quite naturally create an atmosphere of joy and optimism for the child, a feeling of fullness of life. By his mere presence, without edification and demands, by his full life, shared with the child, such a person, such a parent, easily fulfills the most basic rule of the hygiene of spiritual life – creates in the child a feeling of fullness, saturation, joy of being. And such an atmosphere is the best foundation for a correct, harmonious upbringing.

A harmonious, developed personality is also characterized by what values are recognized as the highest. An educator whose ideals are limited to even the most sophisticated and seemingly beautiful consumption is unlikely to be able to bring up a truly harmonious personality in his child. Consumption is always saturated, and only creation, creativity knows no boundaries, wrote A. N. Leontiev. An educator who bases his life on consumption in one way or another will never be able to make his contact with the child free, dialogical and creative.

A harmonious spiritual world of a person means the ability to fully and vividly experience, the ability to feel subtly and selflessly, unselfishly. But it is precisely the ability to feel, to experience, to emotional contact, to love that is the most necessary requirement for parents, the most necessary condition for proper upbringing. The ability to experience, to surrender to one's feelings exists along with the ability to recognize and respect the feelings and experiences of one's child, helps to understand the complex melody of various experiences of a growing person.

Harmoniously developed personalities are aware that life presents each of us with a task of choice. Every time a harmonious person chooses, he follows the path of personal growth. He is able to remove the habitual protective shackles that limit him, giving him an illusory sense of security. A harmonious person acts, develops, overcomes fear and anxiety.

Fear, anxiety for the child – what mother is not familiar with these feelings? But both everyday experience and numerous psychological studies show that a parent who is gripped by fears, who is in constant anxiety, is not only unable to establish the right contact with the child, but, moreover, can cause unfavorable emotional experiences in his child, distort the development of his personality. So it turns out again that the intrapersonal harmony of an adult, creative movement forward instead of anxious digressions determine the foundation, the foundations of the correct upbringing of a child.

Along with the ability to make a creative choice, the ability to take responsibility is characteristic of a harmonious spiritual world. This most important personal quality is also extremely necessary for the formation of the child's basic, basic emotional experiences, for the tempering of will and character. Psychological responsibility in the aspect of upbringing means a certain degree of self-confidence of the parent, the ability to follow the necessary rules, to fulfill his obligations to the child and other people. An irresponsible, often changing his decisions, constantly repenting of his actions, always doubting everything, a parent can either completely lose the respect and trust of his child, or completely disorient him and bring up in him a complete inability to make his own independent decisions.