– Geronda, do you remember when you had problems with your legs?

– That's another story. I couldn't stand on my feet. And when people came, it was not easy for me. Then the legs passed, but bleeding began. The doctors said it was ulcerative colitis. A new page has opened... Seven years of bleeding, pain... But don't be upset, just pray for the health of my soul. I rejoice that God has honored me and rewarded me with this gift, and I do not want Him to take it away from me. Thank God, He allows me to benefit from illnesses. This is how we pass the patience exams. Today one thing, tomorrow another... "For I will require patience"[106]. After all, if we, people who have at least some fear of God, do not tolerate, then what will be left for worldly people to do? However, I see that many laypeople surpass us monks in virtue. My parents told me that the Pharasiots, when they fell ill with something, did not immediately run to Hajefendi[107] so that he could heal them. At first, they endured pain. They endured as much as they could, according to their love and patience, because they considered it a blessing to suffer. "Let me," they say, "I also torment my soul a little for Christ's sake, since Christ suffered great torments, in order to save me." They went to Hajefendi for healing only when they saw that the disease was interfering with their work and their household began to suffer. See how much love they had! Since these people, being laymen, thought in this way and endured, then how should I, a monk, think? Christ said: "In your patience gain your souls"[108]. Look: for Job's almsgiving, at a time when he had all the blessings, were not so pleasing to God as Job's patience during the temptation that befell him pleased Him[109].

– Geronda, when you say that a person endures pain, do you mean that he does not show that he is in pain at all?

"At the very least, he can let others know a little that he is hurting. He can tell them about his pain, but not tell them how strong this pain is, because if he completely hides his pain from others, then they may be tempted by some of his actions. For example, if a monk is in pain and cannot go to the service, then if he does not tell others about his condition, it is possible that someone who does not have good thoughts will be harmed.

Attitude to pain

– Geronda, what kind of pain do you call unbearable?

– Pain that makes tears flow. These are not tears of repentance or tears of joy. What category do you think these tears belong to?