He saw me off one evening and hugged me, roughly, strongly, and kissed me. She pushed it away, broke free, left. It got me sick. He tried to come up to him at work and talk. He does not talk, is silent, avoids it. After work, he caught up and tried to speak, but he was silent. I did not go alone. She only told me: I did not expect you to be so rude. It's not art for you! Everything is ostentatious, played with you!

At the institute, my colleagues, especially women who notice everything, laughed at me, seeing my affection for Lena, and said to me: Here is unrequited love, Yuri Alexandrovich, and it has reached you.

Summer began, I went south on vacation. I met one of my acquaintances there, mountains, tents, hiking... He got carried away, and Lena somehow forgot herself. I came to Moscow and I felt that I could not live without Elena Sergeevna, I needed her like air. Again he tried to speak, to see everything off to no avail. He is silent, does not answer. He speaks only at work on business, and even then monosyllabically. Once I wanted to talk to her on the street. I follow her. I got into the subway, got to one station. She went out and walked through the alleys, I followed her in the distance, reached the church and, entering, began to pass forward among the worshippers. I walked and stood near some icon, then I found out that it was Nicholas the Wonderworker. She crossed herself several times and sang along with the choir. I stood aside and watched. His face was transformed, brightened and concentrated. I have never seen Lena like this.

From that time on, he began to go to this church every Saturday. I stand aside between the worshippers and slowly watch her, but after a month and a half Lena saw me. I wanted to speak, apologize, but nothing helped, and soon she left the institute because of me. Colleagues, and then they understood this.

However, I continued to go to church, I was interested in what makes a modern person believe? and a girl like Lena. I come, listen, try to delve into and understand the service. It seemed to me that one can be interested in ancient architecture, painting, history, love antiquity, but how can one believe in God in our time? What for? And even pray. To stand next to pensioners, old women, to listen to the reading of the clergy, incomprehensible and incomprehensible. Singing, of course, is good, but you can go to a concert hall and hear a wonderful concert performed by the best singers, and at the same time sitting among a fairly cultured audience.

And here?

I wanted to understand the nature of modern faith. Find out what attracts and makes a person believe? Lena, seeing me, stopped going to this church, I continued, looking closely and studying. I saw that there were not only old men and women, there were also young people. Tall guys dressed in a modern way, young girls, women with children, intelligent-looking men. What could have brought Lena and these people here? A what? I wanted to ask, to come up, to talk.

At first, every Saturday, and then on other days, he came to church. He listened, tried to understand, but from the general structure of the service he understood individual words and phrases. I thought about the meaning of what I heard. It is difficult, very difficult to understand. The thought arose that for almost two millennia people believed in God, Jesus Christ, the Mother of God, prayed, worshipped, died for faith not because someone deceived them or they were mistaken, but because, probably, faith in God is a necessary need of the human soul, a necessity. Or maybe this is one of those psychological or mental states of a person that have not yet been sufficiently studied?

Prayers are read and sung: Now lettest Thou depart Thy servant..., O Gentle Light..., Bless the Lord, O my soul.... I memorize the words, come home, write them down, think about them and gradually, like an ancient inscription, the phrases and meaning are deciphered. A lot of things become clear, but there is still a complete fog in my head. When the people in the church sing, I also start singing, it lifts my spirits, captures. I try to learn as much as I can about Christianity. The information I have gleaned from books on iconography, descriptions of ancient churches, turns out to be negligible. I'm starting my search. I took out the Gospel, the Bible, books of pre-revolutionary publications about the church, asked some of my relatives and acquaintances.

Something becomes clearer, but reading the Bible is confusing, and the thoughts of the Gospel are clear, kind, but in our time they are too naïve. I go to libraries and look for works on religion, but everything is vilified, ridiculed and cursed, and I feel a deceitful, superficial approach to the problems of faith, although some people celebrate church holidays. I don't know anyone in the church and it's inconvenient to ask. By chance, I find an old catechism textbook from some relatives. I read it avidly, much becomes clear, the exposition is dry, heavy, wooden, official, but the meaning of some prayers and divine services becomes clear. I already know what happens in church during divine services, but mainly Vespers and Matins, since I come to these services. To study, to understand, to comprehend becomes my hobby. I am entering some new, previously unknown world. The world, as it turns out, is not fenced off from modern life, but includes it.

I am also fond of traveling, nature, but something new that has entered my life has made it meaningful, spiritual, full, and at the same time many things seem strange, outdated, far-fetched to me. I haven't seen Lena for a long time. Several times I visited other churches, but I did not see her there either. It took me more than a year and a half to understand the service and comprehend the basic rules of faith, but how little I knew then!

Much of the old stuff is gone, and new interests have entered my life. I spend my vacation in Zagorsk. I rent a room and go to the monastery every day. I stood at the shrine of the monk and met a student of the Academy. He explains and helps to understand a lot, answers my questions. This is a happy meeting. Finally, the day comes when I understand why people believe in God. I came to church only to see Lena, but now I come because I can't help walking. Do I believe? Or are you used to church services? Even I myself still find it difficult to answer. I don't just listen to the prayers read in church, but delve into their meaning and sometimes catch myself praying. I go home, and the words of prayer, exclamations, and hymns live in my soul for a long time. It's been almost two years since I came to church for the first time because of Lena. I came, catching up with her, then I began to walk out of curiosity, now I walk like a believer.

Easter. Great Lent is over. Matins are underway. A state of solemnity and joy embraces those standing in the church. The people sing: Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death... Of course, I sing too. I am overwhelmed with extraordinary delight, my soul strives upwards, I want to embrace everything and everything. There is no fatigue, resentment, no anxiety.

Matins ends, after defending the mass, I go to the exit. There are a lot of people, it is difficult to pass, and I decide to go out through the left exit of the church. Lena is standing on the steps. I am not surprised at the meeting and say: Christ is risen! Lena impulsively raises her head, looks at me. The eyebrows rise happily, the eyes shine with inner delight, the face is happy and excited. Looking at her, I repeated: Christ is risen, Lena! Truly He is Risen! Lena answers and unexpectedly reaches out to me, and we are christened on the steps of the church. We go down the steps of the temple and walk together. Where to? What for?