Christian student circles were formed in 19161918, Mitya said, in many higher educational institutions in Moscow, Leningrad, Kiev, Samara and other cities. Their original organizer was Vladimir Martsinkovsky, I don't remember his patronymic. The task of the circles was to study the Gospel and the Old Testament. The groups consisted of 1520 people, mainly students, but there were also older people. The composition was extremely heterogeneous: Orthodox, Catholics, Baptists, Protestants, Evangelicals. The presence of students of different denominations left a certain imprint on the activities of the circle members, but in no way affected friendly relations with each other. In my opinion, Mitya said, the circles were very useful, involving students in Christianity, helping them to study the Holy Scriptures, understand and interpret them, and the free exchange of opinions made it possible to assimilate more deeply what they heard and read.

Usually, a member of the circle took a certain text of the Holy Books, worked it out at home, and at the next meeting made a report and immediately gave his interpretation. It happened that the leader of the circle recommended (there was no coercion) that two or three members of the circle study the same text, give an interpretation and at the next meeting all three should make their reports, after which a general discussion began and it became clear who most correctly revealed the passage taken from the Gospel or the Old Testament.

Mitya spoke in detail about the work of the circle and gave two or three examples of the interpretation of individual texts: the parable of the prodigal son, one of the beatitudes Blessed are the poor in spirit.

Now few people know about the activities of Christian student circles, said Fr. Arseny, but I knew many of their participants. The Moscow clergy had a negative attitude towards the members of the circle, in some churches the priests did not always allow them to go to confession, which, of course, was a big mistake, especially since later many members of the circles became priests, secret monks and nuns, two even bishops. Hundreds of them came to the Orthodox Church, became her faithful children and died in camps and exiles; However, some Orthodox members of the circle converted to Protestantism, Baptism, and a certain part became active theosophists and anthroposophists; however, the majority later departed from these teachings and came to the Church. I knew Marcinkovsky, he was a good, not fanatical person, with a completely clear Protestant mindset. Of course, at one time Christian student circles were of great benefit to young people, but their combined confessionality had a harmful effect on some of the members of the circle.

You said that Fr. Sergius Mechev, whose spiritual son you were, believed that the circle was useful by attracting young people to God, to the study of the Bible. Perhaps so, but it seems to me that in the difficult 19171928 years the best spiritual refuge for students was the Russian Orthodox Church, its churches, services, purifying confession, and communion.

From the expression on Dmitry's face, I understood that he did not fully agree, Fr. Arseny noticed the same and, after a pause for a while, continued: Dmitry Evgenievich! I had and still have several spiritual children, former members of a Christian student circle. I saw that when they came to the Church, they accepted everything rationally, especially at first, I will not say critically, but cautiously. Most of them did not have a childlike faith, accepting the Lord God, the Mother of God, the saints with all their heart, with all their mind, with all their soul. They analyzed the spoken word as if filtering; Then it passed. Apparently, the independent study of spiritual scriptures and their own interpretation left in the souls of the members of the circle the need to pass what was said through reason. I was far from the circle, something else, complex and difficult, occupied me in those difficult years. By the way, Dmitry Evgenievich! There is a former member of a Christian student circle among us. Who is it? Mitya asked. A woman of about sixty-five, a good friend of mine, Anna Vladimirovna, rose from the table and said: Dmitry Evgenievich! Mitya! Forgot? Didn't you recognize her? Mitya jumped up, with the words Anya! Anya! rushed to her, and they embraced. The three of us were going to Moscow. Mitya and Anya talked all the way, forgot about me, and I was lying on the top shelf, reading a book. I did not go to Fr. Arseny with Mitya again, he already knew the way and came without me.

In recent years, Dmitry and I have rarely seen each other, that's how life turned out.

MEETING WITH DANIIL MATVEYEVICH

On June 23, 1963, a terrible misfortune occurred. Daughter Anya, son Igor, mother and I were going to a summer village located outside the city of Pushkino. The car was driven by my husband Nikolai, an experienced driver who drove us to the dacha and back to Moscow for three years. We passed the city of Pushkino, there were few oncoming cars, we were not driving fast, but suddenly a huge truck flew out of the oncoming lane, which tried to overtake the car in front. The driver lost control and crashed into our car. A blow followed, our car overturned several times.

I woke up lying on the asphalt, thinking poorly, I remember, I shouted: Anya, Igor! No one answered. I tried to get up, but fell from pain. Ambulances drove up, put someone in them, dragged me in. My son Igor and husband Nikolai died in the accident, my ten-year-old daughter Anya and my disfigured mother survived. I spent three months in the Sklifosovsky hospital, underwent a number of operations and came out almost completely healthy, I was treated at home and in sanatoriums.

It is pointless to talk, and even more so to write about my grief and state of mind, for three months after treatment I could not work and, probably, many people saw me as abnormal, cried, cursed life, fate and everyone who tried to console me. I was not even at the funeral of Igor and Nikolai, I was in the hospital after the very first and difficult operation, my mother was also in the hospital in Pushkino. The surrounding relatives, acquaintances and colleagues treated me surprisingly attentively and sympathetically, but this did not help to alleviate my grief. I became bitter against everyone and everything, I thought that everyone was happy, and for some reason God, in Whom I believed, sent me ineradicable grief. I became hardened against God: why, why did I send such a misfortune? What for? As if possessed, she asked this question to everyone. What for? What was the fault of Nikolai, little Igor, his disabled mother Natalia and I? Than? And she did not receive an answer from herself and others.

My closest friend, a true friend Lena, with whom we grew up and studied together, was a person of great faith and kindness, a woman of prayer. We loved each other very much, my late husband Nikolai was even jealous of our friendship. She knew that Lena, together with her husband Yuri, had traveled somewhere far out of town to visit a priest who had led a Christian community before the war, and since 1958, having spent a whole life in the camps, now lived in the city of R. (later I found out, Rostov Severny). Lena and Yuri had two children [3].

Almost every day I went to see them, but mostly I talked to Yuri, probably repeating the same thing every day. He listened silently, put his arm around my shoulders, and with affectionate and kind words relieved a small part of my grief, albeit for one evening. Lena talked about God, His mercy, the will of the Lord and called to church. These conversations made me tremble: how could God and the church calm me down if such grief was thrown at me? Conversations with Lena were annoying, and I avoided them, repeating the same thing in different variations: Why? What for?

Once Lena said that she was going to the priest Fr. Arseny, I had heard this name from her before. Before that, I made an unpleasant scandal for Lena in the presence of her children and Yuri, repeating: It's easy for you to talk, yours are all alive, and I only got grief. The next day I was ashamed of the noisy conversation, and in order to smooth over my behavior, I agreed to go, although I understood the aimlessness of the trip. This was already in 1964.