After the death of Protopresbyter Alexander Schmemann, eight notebooks written by him were found in the desk of his study at St. Vladimir's Seminary, where he was dean. Father Alexander kept this diary from 1973 with short breaks until the beginning of his last illness. He wrote in Russian, in a language that had been native to him since childhood spent in "Russian" Paris.

Father Alexander's diary is much more than a simple record of the events of the last ten years of his life. It reflects his whole life (the Cadet Corps in Versailles, the French Lycée in Paris, the St. Sergius Theological Institute, his move to America, St. Vladimir's Seminary in Crestwood, church activities...), his interests (despite his enormous busyness, he read surprisingly much and extensively, writing out whole paragraphs in his diary from books that particularly interested him), "carries" his thoughts, doubts, disappointments, joys, hopes. Any diary, especially one as consistent as Fr Alexander's, is caused not by external motives, but by internal necessity. Before us are often purely personal, intimate notes. Dean of St. Vladimir's Seminary, which under his leadership became one of the largest theological schools in the Orthodox world, almost permanent secretary of the Council of Bishops of the American Metropolia (which, again under his influence, became, in cooperation with Father John Meyendorff, the autocephalous Orthodox Church in America), preacher and theologian, father of three children with numerous grandchildren, Father Alexander was also on the road to read sermons and lectures, he hosted a number of weekly programs on Radio Liberty for Russia. It is difficult to imagine a more fulfilling life, and the diary was primarily an opportunity for him to be alone with himself at least for a short time. Father Alexander himself wrote about this as follows: "Touch base (to get in touch with oneself - English) – this is the purpose of this notebook in my vain life. Not so much a desire to write everything down, but a kind of visit to himself, a "visit", even if it is the shortest one. Are you here? Here. Well, thank God. And it becomes easier not to dissolve without a trace in the hustle and bustle." And again: "... I want to write down not for the sake of a 'story', but, as always, for the soul, that is, only what it, the soul, has felt as a gift, and what is suitable, therefore, for the 'spiritual body'."

Father Alexander's diary invariably amazes with the breadth of its coverage. Both a connoisseur of literature and a lover of politics will be carried away by him, meeting the subtlety of judgments on a variety of topics, but above all the depth of religious understanding of life is striking. All everyday, private phenomena, all numerous impressions and evaluations are raised to the main, to the highest meaning that is invested in God's plan for creation. And above all the confrontations and sorrows, over all the criticism and denunciations, the main tone of the diary is joy in the Lord and gratitude to Him.

The diary mentions a lot of people – teachers in the Cadet Corps, professors at St. Sergius Institute, his friends and mentors, colleagues at St. Vladimir's Seminary, students, acquaintances, representatives of all the "three emigrations" – Fr. Alexander's circle of communication was extremely wide. He was interested in all people. He followed the events in Russia, rejoiced at the beginning of the spiritual revival there, which he himself contributed to - regular broadcasts on Radio Liberty and, of course, his books. His last book, "The Eucharist. The Mystery of the Kingdom", he immediately wrote in Russian as a tribute to the land that he had never seen, but always considered his own. And, of course, the diary allows you to see through the eyes of Father Alexander his relatives - his wife Ulyana Sergeevna (in the diary he wrote about her: "On Saturday - Lyana is fifty years old! A whole life, and what a happy life, together!"), daughters Anna, Maria and son Sergei (again we will quote his words: "What amazing, good children God gave me") and their family, brother Andrei and many others.

Father Alexander was diagnosed with a fatal illness in September 1982. For several months, no new entries appeared in the diary, and only on June 1, 1983, Father Alexander opened his diary for the last time. He wrote about the "height" to which his illness had raised him, about the love and care of his loved ones, and ended his diary with the words: "What happiness it all was!" Six months later, on December 13, 1983, surrounded by his loved ones, Father Alexander died at his home in Crestwood. The last words he spoke clearly were, "Amen, amen, amen."

Sergei Schmemann

FROM THE PUBLISHERS

This edition reproduces the diary almost in its entirety. In a joint work with Father Alexander's wife, Ulyana Sergeevna Schmemann, some repetitions, details concerning people still alive, as well as notes that could be misunderstood by an unprepared reader, have been removed, but these cuts make up no more than three percent of the entire manuscript.

The manuscript was prepared for publication by Elena Yurievna Dorman, she also made notes to the text and translated quotations into Russian, as well as compiled an index of names. Invaluable assistance in this work was provided by Archpriest. Victor Sokolov (San Francisco), Jean-François and Lilya Colosimo (Paris), Nikita Alekseevich Struve (Paris), Natalia Andreevna Schmemann (Paris), Victor Maximovsky (Finland) and others. Viktor Sokolov.

The text has been brought into line with modern norms of spelling and punctuation, but the linguistic features characteristic of Father Alexander's speech have been preserved

Prot Alexander Schmemann

DIARIES 1973-1983

Notebook I