In the first year of life, the child is closely, directly connected with his parents, primarily with his mother, but with a special, psychological connection. The strengthening and correct implementation of this connection depends on how successfully the parents solve the problem of independence and self-sufficiency of the child. There is no contradiction here. Indeed, the leading need of a child at this age is the need for communication with an adult, purely emotional communication, since our child is not yet ready for the exchange of information. This need should not be ignored in any case, it should not be neglected either for the sake of health or for the sake of physical development. Psychologists and doctors know many cases when the mental development of a child is distorted if he does not communicate enough with his mother. This is especially evident if the child is forced to be separated from his mother, for example, when he is hospitalized before the age of one year. In this case, many babies develop the so-called phenomena of hospitalism: at first, they become tearful, sad, fearful, when they try to communicate, they desperately cling to an adult, demanding attention. If the separation is repeated, the child's withdrawal into himself is aggravated: the baby stops playing, lies in bed, turned away, on his stomach. The child seems to become numb, he sits or lies motionless for many hours, with his eyes wide open, as if he does not perceive his surroundings. Communication with the child becomes more and more difficult and, finally, impossible. The mental and physical development of the child slows down sharply, his sleep is disturbed, he loses weight, the body's resistance to all kinds of infections decreases. For the occurrence of these phenomena, one to two months of separation from the mother is enough.

We have described an extreme variant of infant developmental disorders that occur during prolonged separation from close adults. Disorders of the mental development of an infant of this type, although less pronounced, can also be in the family - in the presence of both mom and dad. This happens in cases when parents do not take much care of the child, rarely take him in their arms, caress him little, talk little. A harsh mother who believes that the time spent with the child is wasted, who is sure that the child should grow on his own and not interfere with the life of his parents, thereby slows down the pace of her child's development: he will grow up less intelligent than he could, less cheerful, less inquisitive. Often such children later acquire the so-called bad character - stubbornness, harmfulness, aggressiveness or lack of initiative, gloom, depression. The lack of maternal love and attention in the first year affects then for many years.

In order to prevent this from happening, the right distance must be established between parents and the child from birth. Often parents do not have a correct idea of where their life ends and they themselves and the life of the child and the child begins. This is understandable: until the child is born, there can be no question of his own life - he is one with his mother. Having been born, he also does not acquire any independence at first glance. The baby is so helpless physically that without continuous care and care, he will simply die. With his physical helplessness, he misleads his parents. They believe that the infant is as mentally immature as physically. In fact, this is not true. The child is not yet able to turn from side to side, but is already comprehending and accumulating experience of communicating with dad and mom. When it seems to parents that the child has finally grown up so much that it is possible to communicate with him, they are faced with a fairly mature psyche, with love and affection that has formed in the child's soul, with grievances that the child cannot yet talk about, with a whole system of expectations. A baby is not a white paper on which parents write any "texts". Each baby has a bright individuality, which must be taken into account if mom and dad want to be friends with him and not destroy the love and devotion that the child initially has for them. Two rules of attitude towards the baby will help to develop the right psychological distance in communication with the baby.

The first rule: "A child is a guest in the house. It can be loved and respected, but it cannot be ruled over, because it belongs to life" – this rule was formulated by the people who stood at the origins of world culture. The Hindus recorded this in their ancient books – the Vedas – long before our era. This rule is a loving, respectful and at the same time detached attitude towards the child.

The second rule was born in psychology already in our century: "A baby did not come into this world to meet the expectations of his parents." Each child brings to the world his own goals, his tasks, he must go his own way. Parents can help him reveal his individuality, his capabilities, and assert the uniqueness of his personality. This task must be set before oneself now, when the child has just been born, precisely because he is much more developed mentally than it may seem. Consequently, he is a more complete partner in communication than it seems at first glance.

A happy, balanced mother is a healthy, joyful baby. Having clearly realized that the child is a separate person who does not belong to the parents from the moment the umbilical cord is cut, parents, firstly, will be able to look at the child impartially, discover the features of his individuality, accept them as they are, and adapt to the child, and not break him for their own sake. Secondly, the right psychological distance will help to avoid the phenomenon of contagion, i.e. it will help parents to control their behavior, understanding that the child is not just an extension of the parent, but a separate person who actively perceives the world. Thus, by separating the child from himself, giving him the status of independence, the parent will be able to responsibly control his behavior. The child is all attuned to the wave of parents. His main task is to feel them as fully as possible. This property was born in the process of natural selection — without it, people could not survive. This means that the child is hypersusceptible to the influence of parents, in particular the mother. To what influences? First of all, touch, affection. An infant does not understand speech, but only feels the tone of voice, intonation, and the pace of speech, i.e., he perceives exactly what adults are least accustomed to control. So, meaningful language for a child is the language of gestures and touch, the language of tone of voice and smile.

The baby needs the affectionate touches of the mother, the warmth of her hands, calm, unhurried movements, the strength and confidence of the palms. If the mother is tired, upset, anxious, her hands betray her condition. Touches become sharp, inaccurate, uncertain. They generate a state of discomfort and anxiety in the baby, the child becomes restless and tearful, which further complicates the life of the mother, strengthens her bad disposition. The circle is closed. And only an adult, i.e. again the mother, can open it. She should feel good. When she feels good, so does her child.

It's not easy. Almost every woman after the birth of a child, especially the first child, experiences a depressed state. It seems to her that her young carefree life is over, maturity has come, responsibility has piled up. Time has passed, but what has been done, achieved, tested? What opportunities have been missed? Is it forever? Yes, many opportunities are gone forever. And will this little stranger fill his life, will he decorate it? All these unanswered questions torment the young woman. Sadness and depression are replaced by irritability and anxiety. For some reason, ridiculous trifles begin to offend, and tears flow for any insignificant reason. This is a manifestation of a postpartum emotional crisis. It can be long, or it can go away in just a few days. In such cases, relatives can help the mother and, accordingly, the baby a lot.

In order for negative phenomena not to take threatening forms, not to turn into depression, it is necessary to give a young mother the opportunity to leave home without a child for at least half an hour. Fatigue contributes to depression, so mom needs to get enough sleep.

Мудрый отец и муж не забывает, что его жена не только мать, но и женщина. Ей самой надо время от времени напоминать об этом букетом цветов, милым комплиментом, доверительным разговором, любящим взглядом.

Мама и сама должна следить за своим психическим состоянием. Отсутствие признаков депрессии еще не означает внутреннего благополучия.

По возможности мама не должна излишне переутомляться, постоянно уставать. Все домашние дела можно свести к разумному минимуму. Обдуманно распределить обязанности между всеми взрослыми членами семьи. Хорошая мать — это женщина, которая высыпается, с удовольствием ест, с удовольствием общается с ребенком и, кроме того, вообще любит получать радость от жизни. Часто бывает, что младенец полностью заполняет жизнь матери, ее содержательную сторону — ей так приятно, интересно общаться с малышом, что она никуда не хочет от него уходить. И это вполне естественно. Однако не менее естественно, что ребенок не отбивает желания сходить в кино, театр, в гости. Не отказывайте себе в этих удовольствиях, и пусть ваша семья вам поможет. Помогая маме, близкие обеспечивают малышу покой и комфорт. Психологически грамотное материнство поставлено на службу поддержания теплого, любовного общения с младенцем. Ради этого контакта можно отказаться от всего, но только не от смеха, бессмысленных словечек, которые изобретает для своего малыша каждая мама, от поцелуев и поглаживаний. Ребенок должен чувствовать, что он любим. Не бойтесь его избаловать любовью.

Все это необходимо для того, чтобы ребенок благополучно миновал все рифы и подводные камни первого года жизни, когда вырабатывается очень важное психологическое образование — базисное доверие к миру. О базисном доверии младенца к миру уже упоминалось выше. Напомним, что это общая установка человека на отношение к другим людям и событиям в мире — доверие или недоверие. Психологи считают, что если младенец чувствует себя любимым (а чувствует он это только в том случае, если он много общается со спокойной и ласковой мамой, если его потребности быстро удовлетворяются, т. е. если он окружен внимательной заботой и нежным отношением), то у него вырабатывается базисное доверие к миру. Почему оно так важно для психического развития человека? Дело в том, что базисное доверие — фундамент двух важнейших «зданий» человеческой души: отношения к себе и отношения к другим людям. На основе доверия у ребенка формируется положительное отношение к самому себе (я любим, значит, я хорош), уверенность, способность правильно оценивать свои силы и возможности (адекватная самооценка), инициативность. Ребенок растет веселым и приветливым, любознательным и активным. К другим людям он относится с симпатией и интересом. Он способен дружить и чувствовать любовь, он будет способен вступать в длительные, глубокие и теплые отношения с другими людьми, в том числе и со своими родителями.

Если же у малыша не выработано базисное доверие к миру, то и к себе он будет относиться плохо, вырастет тревожным, неуверенным в своих силах, мрачным, агрессивным, упрямым. К людям будет относиться настороженно, боязливо. Такое отношение часто соседствует с капризностью, строптивостью, драчливостью… Любите своего малыша спокойной и активной любовью — это первостепенное психологически необходимое условие его счастья.