I used to meet Ben every day after class. We walked home through the park, sometimes we went to a café for a snack. Then Ben would sit down to his homework, and I would do the housework. In the evening, if Dennis was late, my son and I would play. Now that I'm at work all day, everything has changed; I spend much less time with Ben.

"And I don't see my son much, either," Dennis added. "Last year we often went to football, on the way we talked about everything in the world; Ben told me about his studies, about his friends, and consulted with me. Now I sometimes even forget to ask him how things are going at school. And Ben needed these "men's conversations" of ours so much.

"I think you've really figured it out," I said. He doesn't feel your love. If you are able to satisfy this need, most likely, his behavior will change.

I told them a little about how to express love in the "language of time"; He advised me to make my schedule so that my son would not feel abandoned. Even the busiest person can always find an hour and go with the child to the park, to a café, just to talk. I could see that my new acquaintances were eager to put everything they had heard into practice.

"In fact," I added, "the causes of bad behavior are much more complex, there can be many more. And yet, if you talk to Ben in his native "love language", you will understand that it is very important to find a way to express your feelings to Ben, I think you will soon notice a change.

At this point, we parted. As time went on, Dennis and Brenda didn't write to me, and to be honest, I forgot about them. Two years later, I held a seminar in their city again. Before the start, they came up to me and reminded me of our long-ago conversation. We hugged and I was introduced to the friends that Dennis and Brenda had brought to the workshop.

"By the way," I asked, "how is Ben doing?"

"It's all right," they replied with a smile. "We've been wanting to write to you for a long time, but we've never got around to. After the seminar, we did everything as you advised: we surrounded Ben with attention, spent all our free time with him. And suddenly, two or three weeks later, we received a call to school. Had Ben done something again? How frightened we were! It turned out to be in vain. Ben corrected himself. There were no more fights in the cafeteria and stupid questions in class. The teacher could not believe her eyes. She asked how we got there.

We told her what we had heard in the workshop, explained that we had found the right way to our child's heart, that we were learning to speak Ben's "native language," and that we were giving him our full attention.

So Dennis and Brenda found a common language with their son. Now, when they say, "We love you," Ben understands them.

For a long time I have been thinking of writing a book about children's "love languages". The story told pushed me to do this. In my book "Five Love Languages" there was a chapter dedicated to children. This time, Ross Campbell and I will analyze in more detail the situations generated by problems: how to express your love to a child.

Learning to show your love in a way that is understandable to the child, that is, to learn his "native language", does not mean insuring against conflicts. But no matter what happens between you, the child will always know: you love him, care about his well-being, and he has nothing to fear. He is confident in himself and respects himself. Remember, relationships should be built on love. This is the most reliable foundation.

The child must be loved, otherwise you will not achieve anything from him. The educator must remember this. If a child's need for love is not satisfied, he will never fully realize his abilities. However, it also happens that parents sincerely love the baby, and he is unhappy because he does not feel their love. Learn to express your love in such a way that the child feels it, speak his "love language", then he will understand that he is dear to you.

CONFIDENCE IN THE LOVE OF OTHERS